I think I've got the swine flu

Don’t write this off as one of those blog posts where there’s a quirky joke about pigs flying, or some sort of porky pun, or general “har har har I’ve got a cold, it’s probably swine flu so I’m off to die, babahahahaha”. I actually think I’m coming down with something.

Before I go on, here’s what the NHS says:

The typical symptoms are:

• sudden fever, and
• sudden cough.

Other symptoms may include:

• headache,
• tiredness,
• chills,
• aching muscles,
• limb or joint pain,
• diarrhoea or stomach upset,
• sore throat,
• runny nose,
• sneezing, and
• loss of appetite.

It started yesterday, I sat in the office and felt a tickle in my throat which by the end of the day had turned into a full blown cough. Pretty quick turnaround hey? Now it’s a (sudden) chesty cough. I definitely felt a bit hot this morning (high temperature), except when I went to interrupt my mum on the computer while trying to force some toast down (loss of appetite) and she felt my head to see if I had a temperature, she said “ooh you are a bit hot”, but then I told her I’d just been blow drying my hair and she said that would explain my head being all hot. I choffed down some Day Nurse anyway.

Then just before I was leaving for work, the cleaner did her own mini-diagnosis on me, saying she’d been really unwell with a bad cough a couple of weeks ago, so I said “Oh, but that’s alright, look you’re still alive” – but then she told me her doctor had prescribed her very strong antibiotics. Were my lymph glands enlarged? Why, yes I think they are. Are all my limbs aching? Why, yes – but only because I’d gone a bit mental on the exercise routine last week. Apparently the cough started on the first day then her limbs ached the next. “When did you start feeling ill?” she asked. Well, yesterday. Which means I’ll be due for limb, joint pain and aching muscles by the end of the day. She raised her eyebrows.

“See mum? I might have the swine flu” I said, turning around, but she was mid conversation on the phone so I put my hands above my head like pig ears and scrunched up my nose whilst trotting around in circles to stress the point.
“Sorry – hang on. Jo, Sue says to advise you not to roll in mud” and she carried on her phone call.

So then I got in the car and drove to work, and immediately looked up the symptoms on the NHS website. I haven’t sneezed yet, although my nose has been sporadically running, usually whenever someone comes near my desk. My stomach’s been ok, but I’m definitely not hungry. Usually I’ll have a big bowl of Weetabix for breakky and will be hungry by half 11, but here we are at nearly 12 o’clock after two pieces of toast, and there’s not a hunger pang in sight. Plus, I’m a bit chilly and have goose bumps, but then maybe my choice of clothing isn’t the most practical for someone with suspected swine flu in an air conditioned office.

I did the NHS symptom checker and worryingly, it said if you are "more tired and confused than usual" then there's cause for concern. I have been on the receiving end of some rather complex e-mails this morning and I've been yawning a lot. And stretching. And I think my headache's coming back. But then that could be lack of food. Oh, god I'm confused.

If the newspapers are to be believed, I’ve got three days.

Shiz sticks.

Cold

I've been trying to think of inventive, entertaining and witty ways to tell you about my cold.

Unfortunately for you, this is all I can come up with.

I have a cold.

I'm tired, snotty and would rather be at home in bed.

My grand plan was to come in, check emails etc, then upon realising I am not needed, go home from work early and not come in tomorrow (my boss is away for the next two weeks anyway) but the minute I left my house this morning, I realised that I'd forgotten my keys.

For the last two minutes I've been prodding and twisting the blue squishy wrist rest in front of my keyboard, contemplating what the blue thing's made of.

Oh yeah. Last night I spotted Nicky Hambleton-Jones off the Channel 4 programme 10 Years Younger on South Bank. She walks funny. But then I walk funny too, my heels got trapped in the gaps between the slabs on Waterloo Bridge 3 times then twice again in the cobbles once I got to the other side. I'd like to blame the pavement or my choice of high heels, but I think I'll just blame Fearne Cotton for that and my cold, because I haven't blamed her for much lately.

Oh wait, hang on.....yep, I think I just bored myself.

I'm definitely more tired and bored than when I started this post about 45 mins ago.

I'll go now.