Several conversations this week, online and off, have revolved around reminders.
As in, the things bring you right back down with a bump when you're making some blummin' wonderful progress.
You see, life is generally good. Much like some others this week, I'm discovering that there's a lot to love. The Bank Holiday weekend was filled with lobster lunches and cocktails (for no occasion other than "yeah, why not?"), barbeques with friends, Havana rum hangovers and crashing on sofas. Last night I was a willing guinea pig for a friend's new make-up and massage business. My fingers and toes are manicured with a vivid pink; my limbs tinted from my own mid-week pamper session in front of The Apprentice. There's no doubt about it: being single is as wonderfully self-indulgent as it's always been.
But despite the freedom and funtimes that being single brings, four months on, there's always the stuff that catch you unawares.
The first I have yet to admit to anyone, apart from readers of this blog. I can't watch Family Guy. Stupid, yes? Everyone can bloody watch Family Guy. But when the theme tune comes on, or I flick onto Lois and Peter by accident I have to switch off instantly. Even though it's FAMILY GUY. But, err y'know, it's where all his cultural references came from. What can I say? The perils of dating a youngster.
Then there's this little bloody song by Crystal Castles called "Not in Love". Once during that week when things weren't quite right, he played it at full volume through the flat. It stopped me in my tracks as I tidied up in the bedroom with a knotted stomach, wondering what the hell was up with my boyfriend. Well, turns out, he wasn't in love. Ha! Who knew? Robert Smith. That's who.
There are upsides, of course. Take the Swatch watch he got me; tightly zipped away in an old make up bag since I moved back home. The other day my mum, noticing the absence of a timepiece on my wrist, left me a new one on the side in the kitchen. "She'd noticed you weren't wearing the one he got you." said my sister later that night, "But she didn't want to bring it up in case it upset you." Bastard Ex - nil, Heartbreak - 1.
Of course, this blanket ban doesn't apply to all items. The beautiful Whistles dress, a Christmas present, is only out of use due to the warm weather. Likewise, the waterproof camera that arrived with him in Sydney is a staple in my handbag most days, documenting my bloody brilliant life as a young, single girl in London.
But flick back through the pictures the wrong way, and you'll find me, him and a rainy day in Brighton. Or both of us covered in snow up in Yorkshire, grinning from the front seats of my car.
Everything is lovely. I'm busy. Happy. Life is good. My toes are pink.
But can I delete those photos?
No. Sodding.Way.
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9 comments:
6 years ago I split up with someone I loved dearly. I uploaded all the photos to photobox in a closed account.
I didn't delete them, just put them away for a time when it wouldn't hurt to look at them. There are 9years of memories there and 6 years on there are still a few pictures I can't look at.
It does get better, I promise.
I did something similar to Treacle - all my photos got copied over to an external hard drive and then deleted from my computer. I haven't actually looked at any of them since, but they are there if I want to.
I understand the family guy thing too! Toyboys :)
I have bars and restaurants that I can't go too that we went to every month. I find that sad so I have started to reclaim places for me. x
I've taken the step of purging somebody from my life, phone and email this week after being 'broken up with' by text message for about the fortieth time in a year.
I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt like hell, but sometimes the only way to move on is to close that box.
I'm yet to be able to sit here and tell you that it does get better, but it has before so let's hope so.
I can't even delete emails and texts. Sad (or stupid).
Time. It's our friend (even if it feel like an enemy the older ... ho hum ... you get).
Hmm .. now you see my bro likes to hang on to stuff ... but I just have to get rid. I know what I'm like (I do like to mull) so find it easier to avoid the painful mulling nonsense by deleting/throwing/burning everything. And I've never regretted purging - I'd rather forget than remember.
I've got photos of all my ex boyfriends in hidden folders on my laptop.
The other day I found an old sim card, had a look on it and there were some old lovey dovey texts from a long-term relationship that broke down - I was surprised that I didn't feel sad when I read them. The person they were from was so different to the person he became at the end of the relationship, they almost didn't feel real if that makes sense? That these lovely words once came from the same person was bizarre.
Anyway. Keep the photos in another place. Look at them months or even years down the line, you'll laugh at how life will have turned out for the best. x
treacle - Urgh. I know I've got to get rid of the pictures, but half of them are my travelling photos. I want to be able to look at all the places I went, but a lot of them have him in them as well.
Soup - He accidentally took the cable to my external hard drive in the moving out process. Got no where to put the pics.
Smidge - I'm thinking of reclaiming the festival where we met this year. But not sure if it will just send me loopy.
Anon - I can do the cutting contact ok, it's just the memories and the reminders that hinder the process. Hope things improve for you, too.
Redbookish - I used to be like that. This time,it was the first thing I did. Although I know there's an old phone somewhere with a load on it from travelling. Can't look.
Ellie - And you can't speed up time. Bah.
Londonlass - I always find that I regret throwing things away when I'm finally over whatever it was that made me sad about it. Nice things, anyway. Not the receipts and stuff.
Anon - Yeah, you're right. When I look back on old emails and texts from my ex before this one, it does feel quite weird. Like it's another person, as you say. Nothing said or texted or emailed during this relatiionship seems like it could ever have been said, now this has happened.
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