Wednesday, 1 June 2011

At the end of June, I'm going on a girly holiday.

The last time I embarked on a girly holiday was in July 2005, the week of the London Underground terrorist attacks. Instead of being on a circle line train bound for Liverpool Street, I was in Spain with three old school friends; relaxing, drinking far too much Sangria, reading books. All was going well.

Until it wasn't.

Thighs chafed under sarongs, hindering walks of any length. Skin burnt. Tempers frayed. Between the bliss, we argued over where to eat, where to drink and "why is she on her own by that tree". We arrived home a week later with two of us barely talking, and I swore never to go girly again.

Let's face facts: holidays and girls aren't always a great combination.

Firstly, both require bikinis. Which would be fine, if girls didn't bring their body hang-ups to the beach.

Bikinis mean girls are destined to spend the weeks before and during the holiday pinching their sides and exclaiming loudly, to anyone who will listen, about the state of their wobbly bits (real or imaginary). And if by some miraculous fate you don't have any fat-related issues worth shouting about, you can be sure that there'll be a lot of "Oh my god! You / they / she's so skinny!"'s coming your way. Put a bikini on and weight, or lack of it, is always on the table. Usually next to a shed load of readily-consumed cheese and wine.

Next, you've got the pale brigade; those who insist on trying to forge a tan out of a wish and a prayer.

Having never gone anything than a blotchy shade of rouge the minute the intense sunshine touches my their chest, they struggle on through the midday sun, lamenting the heat and sweating off optimistic layers of Factor 15. Either that, or they're in the bathroom repairing their patchy sand-exfoliated elbows. That biscuity smell ain't poolside Digestives, ladies, it's Aftersun mixed with half a bottle of St Tropez.

None of this would matter if groups of girls actually got on with each other. But by our very nature, girls + heat + close quarters = bitch-a-rama. Holidays in the sun have been making and breaking relationships before planes could even fly to get us there.

If this all sounds a bit Victor Meldrew on Tour, let me just clarify that I have had some amazing times abroad. Err, mostly on my own. But some with people I didn't know all that well beforehand. Or with just one close friend. Or me and a boyfriend.

Even the tumultuous girly trip of 2005 had moments that we'd look back and laugh at once we got home.

Until we stopped speaking altogether.

But that, as they say, is another story.


Anonymous said...

I've only ever done a few and not found it all too bad.... but then I tend to do anything not to argue so hold my tongue for the week and then do my best to forget it once we all get home!

last year's girl said...

I've never done a girlie holiday, but then I don't really enjoy sitting around in the sun doing nothing. I'd rather take the time off and do it at home, surrounded by my own stuff and with no chance of colouring in the sun! I don't understand this fascination with tanning. Really.

Tankinis. They're a godsend for us busty girls. You couldn't pay me to get into an incy-wincy.

j said...

Ha! Loved this post cause it is so true. However, I have traveled extensively with one of my girlfriends and we didn't encounter many issues. But we did have our moments.

Ellie said...

Sometimes things that end relationships are so petty; and other times, so momentous.

P said...

I've been on a couple of girly holidays (although mainly with just my sister) and they've been okay. We did go on an extended hen holiday to Spain a few years back that was a bit of a nightmare at times, but that wasn't so much due to bitchiness as me just feeling too damn old for all the mad drunken shenanigans the slightly younger girls wanted to get up to. It was exhausting trying to keep up.

treacle said...

I haven't had any problems with girls on holidays. However, I am feeling a little like I am tempting fate now...!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

PJB - Thats what it's about. Tongue holding. It's the only way to keep the peace.

Last year's girl - I don't mind the odd lounging holiday, once I get into it it's hard to get me up. But then I love more active ones too. Less bitching then.

j - Yeah, these are just the "moments" that happen when girls get together. Often the good times outweigh the bad.

Ellie - Tell me about it. True story.

P - Yeah I got like that in the last year of uni, going on the ski tours. By the end when you've already done the drunken shenanigans for 2 years, you just want to leave the younguns to it.

treacle - Haha! Don't speak too soon ;)


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