Tuesday, 1 February 2011


Today I came into work.

The easy option would have been to stay in bed - as I was tempted to do when my alarm went off again and again this morning. My mind will not switch off at night. In the end I had to concentrate on the groans and clicks of the house to snap my thoughts away from everything else.

My grumbling stomach stubbornly refuses to deal with food. Another friend had the pleasure of feeding me last night, "I'm a cheap date" I joked, as I nibbled on two pieces of pizza.

You'll forgive me for not responding to your helpful and supportive comments, although I'm reading them all. This is simply because a lot of the questions you are asking I simply don't know the answers to yet. I really don't know. The flat, the relationship, can I live alone, financials - even what he's done is vague and confused in my mind. Before I can make any decisions, I have to speak to him properly.

We are in a state of limbo, our last full sentences to each other were spoken at 4am on Sunday morning; his honesty spurned on by whisky and my understandable rage fuelled by several glasses of white wine earlier in the night.

He called yesterday to ask if I was coming back to the flat, that we needed to talk. And as much as my family want to protect me, want to deal with it themselves, and would possibly stop me going if they were in the country, tried to stop me over text - it's my relationship, and I need to get things clear in my head.

So tonight, I'm going back to the flat. As with everything else, I just don't know what the outcome will be.

But by tomorrow, hopefully I'll know the answers to a few questions.


Blonde said...

Good luck, love. I hope it goes well, and isn't unnecessarily painful.

Stand your ground.


treacle said...

Sending you love and a clear head. Everyone is with you - you have a virtual army. take care xx

Elaine said...

At the end of the day, Jo, you have to do what your heart tells you. And this is definitely a time to think about your 'heart' and not your 'head'. The 'head comes into play if you have a mortgage, children, other difficult stuff.

Please don't make a decision based on the joint flat and finances and whatifs and whatnots. You are young and beautiul and worth so much more than this. He doesn't deserve you. Your whole life is ahead of you, sweetie. It's going to be tough....but it will pass, you know that.

Stand tall. Be strong. He's been an absolute asshole. x

Redbookish said...

Good luck. Don't make any promises or decisions while you're there. Say you'll get back to him. Try to shield and steel your heart. Good luck & best wishes from a complete stranger. But we've all been there ...

nuttycow said...

Good luck love. Be strong.

You know where we all are.


AFC 30K said...

Good luck to you which ever way it goes.

I do have to say that I was not a nice man towards women in my 20's. Wifey put up with me and didn't give up on me.

13 years later, we are married, have two beautiful kids (one of each). I work for her, we have a Volvo estate and a big mortgage.

It's not a perfect relationship but it works for us.

I really do wish you well and I'm sure your instinct will serve you well as it has done so well in the past.

jman said...

I hope you find what you're looking for at the rendezvous. And never let someone else determine your notion of your worth. As someone once said in a distant galaxy a long time ago, may the force be with you.

Laura Jane Williams said...

... My thoughts are with you.


modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

Be strong, keep your chin up


The Author Of This said...

Hope you get the answers you need, even if they're not the ones you want at the time.

It'll all work out eventually. After everything, life is just a phonebox.

Virtual Hugs!

Rachel H said...

De-lurking to say that I'm so so sorry to hear about whats going on. I'm really angry for you.

Wanted to say that I'll be thinking of you at the 'meeting' ... I'm sure you have advice and tips both welcome and not coming out of your ears, so I'll just say that you are being kept very close to all our hearts xx

theperpetualspiral said...

I hope tonight has gone as well as can be expected.

Stay strong and fight your corner where you need to. The most important person in this whole process is you and you alone xx

London-Lass said...

Thinking of you Jo (in the distant way that only a blogging stranger can do but hopefully you know what I mean).

soupemes said...

I hope you're ok tonight x


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