Friday, 13 February 2009

How to embrace Valentines Day like you would a loved one

You know what?

Yeah, I'm single.

But I'm not gonna get all bitter and anti-Valentines on you. Truth is, I never really indulged that much in Valentines Day even when I was with my ex. It was a day / evening you spent together, if only because it would be weird if you didn't. Like if you just decided to go out with all your mates on Valentines Day when you were in a couple, that would be odd. People would say "yeah sure, we're off down the pub. But shouldn't you be at home having a sexy fun time....?". I've never really done the whole extravagant cards, presents and rose petals on the bed thing (makes me want to vom a little bit, all that), but it is an occasion to mark, nonetheless.

I've put my foot in it a number of times on this day. I've even cancelled dates in the past which were arranged in a "Sure, next Tuesday?" kind of way, then thought "Shiz, it's Valentines Day. Am nooooo going on a first date on bloody Valentines Day". Another time I'd just started seeing my ex, so we'd arranged to see each other and he'd been a bit late for one reason or another. We just ended up wondering around the streets of Hull. I said "God, I'm so glad we're not one of those sad couples in that restaurant. Or at the cinema or something. All those 'orrible couples. Bleaarrruughhh". It was at that point he revealed that actually, had he not been late, that was exactly what we'd have been doing. Eek. Awkward. Romantic gestures were slightly less forthcoming after that.

Another equally unromantic Valentines Day occurred about five years earlier, when my then boyfriend had gone off to India on travels. At 7pm there was a knock at the door and there stood his best friend clutching a jewellery box and a card. Luckily I understood what was going on, and didn't attempt to engage the best friend in any sort of inappropriate tryst.

So, as with most of my yearly celebrations (International Jo Day, anyone?), I feel the best way to approach them is with a song and dance at high volume. Bang on about the inevitable loud and long enough, and in the end someone will give you something just to bloody shut you up. Hold out for the card you're not going to get. Shamelessly promote your new single status in the hope of a bit of love. Rally the troops for a Valentines Day Tequila Massacre, chez Jo. In other words, use it as an excuse to do what you were going to do anyway, but with more vigor.

I'm newly single. And if I get even one text message, e-card, facebook message, normal card, or phone call telling me I shouldn't be, I will be a happy girl. And if not? I'll be happy anyway, but that will purely be down to the copious amounts of alcohol in my bloodstream.


Brennig said...

Right then [rolls up sleeves]...

Oh lovely Jo
Please be my beau
Even though
We’ve never met

We’d be fine
And drunk on wine
With you at yours
And me at mine.

Brennig said...

Bugger, second stanza should have read:

We'd be fine
And drunk on wine
Whilst getting just
Our insides wet.

I hate a half-finished thought! Grrr.

Anonymous said...

For the first time in years, I am single (but have a date tomorrow, natch) and simply DO NOT GIVE A FLYING RAAS CLAAT about V-day either way.
I love me all year round!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

All the Valentine’s Day angst posts I've been reading make me miss my singledom. That’s crazy, right? Why would I pine for the days when I didn’t have anyone? What a foolish mortal, I am.

Robbie said...

Hang on, wait, so you like Valentines Day?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Brennig, that has made my day. Consider me officially e-woo'ed

china blue - that is indeed the spirit. Although if other people want to love me too, that's bonus time.

unbearable - that is a little bit mental. but you know what they say...grass is allllways greener and all that. now i'm on the single side, it's actually quite nice to be here.

robbie - i wouldn't say i like it, i just don't see any point in getting all upset about it. I mean if there's one day of the year other than bithday and christmas where there's a chance people can be super nice, buy you presents and write nice things in a card or text - rinse it for all it's worth i say.

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...



I dont like Valentine's Day since it's origins (i.e. an opportunity to make a declaration of love, usually anonymous) has been allowed to turn in to some godawful commercialised event aimed at couples. And dont get me started on the `Happy Valentine's Day to my Gran' cards that are out there and CLOTHES shops or petrol stations with Valentine's Day stickers and love hearts everywhere.

The whole thing has just turned in to one big over-priced farce and that's what I dont like about it.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Yeaaaah yeah. I get all that. And all that is annoying...but ultimately....presents are presents, maaaaaan :D


Blog Template by - RSS icons by ComingUpForAir