Wednesday, 14 January 2009


The gym, yesterday.

Waiting in front of me at the coffee bar is a woman who is evidently a regular at my sports club. Probably the owner of one of many huge black Land Rovers parked outside, hot pink manicured fingers, sleek short brown hair. Tennis racket resting against bronzed legs. Kids with the au pair. Mouth moving at 100mph on an orange face, often found talking loudly to all the other middle aged ladies who are lucky enough to work the kind of hours which allow an afternoon of racquet sports. On first name terms with the staff (only the important ones) and is taking up valuable space in front of the bar talking to one as I approach.

She pauses her drivel long enough to order a drink.

"I'll have a hot chocolate with skimmed milk, in a small cup, no cream and oh, no froth." she says, loudly, turning round to check who's heard her.

I smile at how ridiculous she is. She laughs at how clever she's being.

Which bozo invented the Skinny Hot Chocolate?

More to the point, what kind of bozo bothers to order one?

Hot chocolates were made so that all the skinny latte drinkers can have some fun once in a while; to be drunk with cream and marshmallows adorning the top.

Skimmed - milk - no - cream. Who's she kidding. That won't make her happy.


Darfuria said...

People who adjust a product that much to fit in with their "I HAVE TO WATCH MY FIGURE" attitude should fuck off and stop spoiling things.

Brennig said...

I know the type; used to see many of them in the gym in Cheshire when I lived up there. Make me want to vomit all over their Prada shoes. :)

Anonymous said...

You're right: that won't make her happy.

She probably spends so much time "introspecting" about what she can splurge to her therapist, that she's irretreivably miserable: wallowing in a mire of her own self obsessed misery.

pink jellybaby said...

Ohhhh I want one!! A proper one with tiny marshmallows

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I took up meditating and Buddhist philosophy a year ago and I’m not suppose to judge people but, good Lord, why must we suffer fools like this?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Darfuria - Hear hear! Banish the bores, I say.

Brennig - She had a huge nose as well. Somehow, this makes it worse. Probably why she didn't want cream on top. Woops.

blueskies - Rather a lot to assume from what someone orders at the bar...but in the spirit of things, YES, Hear Hear!

PJB - Me too...I could eat just the topping on it's own...

Unbearable - I think even the Buddha himself would shun the idea of leaving cream and proper milk out of a hot chocolate. What next, hold the chocolate?

Darfuria said...

By the sounds of it, she'd have a hard time just getting the hot on its own...


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