Monday, 7 March 2011

Two months til the end

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."

Exactly two months today, I left work with an overnight bag and went home to my new flat. My boyfriend had been calling me all day, excited, asking if I could come home sooner. Then I was there and he was waiting inside, the heating was on; just us and some furniture, overnight things and a bottle of champagne. We went up onto the roof terrace (it was bloody cold and windy, but I insisted), popped the cork and drank to our new flat, before hurrying back downstairs into the warm.

A week and a half later we were watching a relationship fall apart in Blue Valentine. I curled up on the sofa, leaving enough room for him, but he sat on the floor in front of me. When you know someone, everything they do means something. Even the little things. Why didn't he sit next to me? Well, because something was up.


Yesterday I went back and cleared the rest of my belongings from the flat. Left on my own with my sister waiting downstairs in the car, I had one last look around. He would be coming to pick up the last of his things in the evening, so I wrote a note, "Thanks for fucking everything up". I walked out, then reconsidered and screwed it up. Then I turned off the lights, locked the door and posted the keys back through the letter box. His problem now.

And that was that.


Robbie said...

I'm really sorry how things worked out hun.

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, you're doing really well with all of this xx

Anonymous said...

I echo both previous comments from Robbie and Pinky. It's horrible how this has turned out but you have responded to a shitty situation in the most positive way you could - and as a firm believer in CBT, I believe this will be instrumental in you getting over it in time.

I think you were right to screw that final note up. The addition to the card the other day said all you needed to say. Hold your head high.


London-Lass said...

Sorry it's over, but at least now it's all over.

(if you see what I mean)

O, and as Perp enquired in an earlier comment, any news on the house-sharing front?

jman said...

I am sure he knows he screwed up without your telling him. Every day with you absent will be reminder that he didn't just screw up - he major league screwed up. As the saying goes, living well is the best revenge.

Or to quote an ancient pop song "Got along without you before I met you gonna get along without you now."

Rock on Jo.

Blonde said...

As everyone else has said, you've dealt with the whole thing amazingly. Pretty incredible.

At least now the most painful bit is done. xxx

Anonymous said...

You've done so well through all of this.

On reflection though, I do think that the lack of a zebra TV was a jinx ;) x

Gin Operated said...

I'm so sorry, but well done for surviving this far and getting out of the flat. And for resisting the note - I think the empty flat will say more than a note ever could.

Alexia said...

Oh poor, poor thing. I hope it starts to get better for you real soon.

P said...

I'm sorry everything fell apart like this - but you're being so strong; I'm in awe. And well done on leaving that note - I think it sums his behaviour up pretty damn accurately!

P said...

Apologies - I meant to say well done on NOT leaving the note, but I think it summed up things pretty accurately. (Too much cava too early for me!)

Perakath said...

Loved the Pooh quote.


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