Wednesday, 23 September 2009

It is what it is what it is.

These last few weeks have been fun. Friends' reactions to my last minute romance have been varied, but on the whole the consensus is "Just enjoy it for what it is". What exactly it is hasn't been talked about, but that's ok, I like quiet time. We both know I'm going away, but instead of this being a hindrance, everything seems accelerated.

A weekend away has been booked, brief introductions to the parents have been made. There's kissing in cars and cinema dates, coming round in the evening for DVDs. Lists made of things to do before I go, films to watch, places to go. Late night texts and day to day emails. And best of all, that insecure feeling that usually blights the first month of any "normal" relationship is absolutely not there. I'm not even waiting for something bad to happen or thinking 'it's all going to go tits up eventually' - because it can't.

Meeting someone new is all about the tingly excitement, but also ups, downs and overanalysing. Not so this time. There's no games, no 'I text him first so it's his turn now', no 'I can't ask him out', and no hard feelings if plans change. It's just easy. Going away is still happening (albeit a couple of days later than scheduled, due to a last minute temp job cropping up). Even though it's now with a bit of a heavy heart, travelling isn't something I can put off because of a bloke, no matter how hot I think he is. I spent the last few years building my life around someone else and changing my plans and ideals to fit in with his. I know that if I do it again then the whole year I've just spent trying to put myself first will have amounted to nothing. It's like a little test. It would be so easy to just say "Oh bugger it, I'll go next year" and change all my plans, but really I'm thinking "Nah, you know what…everything will work out alright in the end".

And it will. This can't go badly; if it does I'm leaving. If it doesn't, I'm still leaving. For the first time ever, I'm not reading into things because there's no point. It is what it is, and I like it.

16 comments:

blueskies2day said...

That's how my relationship with E is: I never feel insecure about anything like I have with other people in the past. it's amazing when you find someone who gives you that feeling of security.

I'm glad you're not letting this stop you going away though. After all, he'll still be here when you get back. If things are meant to work out between you, they will, and it won't be difficult.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Thing is, I'm not so sure it's him making me feel secure, but rather I'm just happier with myself. More confident. Like, the worst thing I could have imagined last year has already happened, and it took some months, but now I'm over it. So if I can get over that, then I can see someone for a couple of months and then leave the country and any detriment will be short lived. I think that’s what I'm thinking anyway. Think think.

blueskies2day said...

That's brilliant! Even better than meeting someone who makes you feel secure is feeling secure in yourself and not necessarily needing someone else. Very pleased for you :)

miss*H said...

thats such a good way to look at it. My male friend met someone a month before she jetted off to Australia for 6 months...he waited, she waited and when she got back they hooked back up again and are now very happy. If its meant to be it will happen

Chapati said...

That.Sounds.Absoulely.Awesome!

I know exactly what you mean, and it important to put yourself first and not make the same mistakes again - hopefully he'll understand, and this feeling of security will be the basis of an awesome relationship :)

Elaine said...

There are so many men...so many experiences to have...so many opportunities to fall in love. Good for you for enjoying him just for now, and in the knowledge that you're in control of your destiny. I'm excited for you, Jo.

theperpetualspiral said...

That is such a good attitude to have Jo, well done!

Miss Milk said...

The same thing happened to my cousin. She went away for six months, he waited for her and a good year or two later they're still very happy. :) Go away, have fun, and if he's worth it he'll still be there when you get home.

jo said...

this romance sounds good! :) so wait, where are you going again? and for how long?

All Mod Cons said...

Thumbs up on that one!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I hope you don’t mind my saying this but only women tend to overanalyze new relationships. It’s not that men don’t care. We just approach an affair differently.

You have become incredibly evolved since I first started reading you.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

blueskies - Why thank you :)

miss H - that's my thinking. I'm not silly, I know things change so no high hopes of it becoming something more than what it is. But I'm cool with that.

chapati - Yeah it feels good to put myself first for a change!

Elaine - It feels really nice to be in control for once. I thought I might have got ridiculously carried away with the first person who showed an interest like this, but I'm more level headed than I ever have been I think.

perp - Wahoo for meeee!

Miss Milk - Exactly, we'll see. I'm still going to enjoy myself just as much when I'm away so its all good :)

jo - I'm off to Australia in November, then New Zealand, over to America, then maybe canada and home. At the moment I'll be away for around 8 months.

All Mod - Cheers!

Unbearable - I'd agree with you completely there, woman are always the ones who over analyse definitely. I used to do it, but now I just take things (or try to) at face value, it's easier that way. I'm glad I've changed a bit. Could it be that I'm growing up??

jo said...

oh wow! that is quite an awesome trip! are you going alone? what are you gonna do in those places? just take in all the sights and live life?

roseski said...

Ahh I like it!

My sister conveniently found ways out of traveling twice - once before uni and once after. Both were man-related, and I know she secretly regrets it.

Very jealous, of both the love life and the travel plans!

One Fine Weasel said...

Good on ya!

weenie said...

Just doing a bit of catching up and missed this! Sounds great, good luck with New Boy!

 

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