Boldy going forwards. or backwards. Whatever.

If these past three years have taught me anything, it's that Facebook should be used for mocking friends and not cultivating relationships. I think we've established that despite its obvious plus points, Facebook is, above all, a snivelling whiney attention seeking goat of an internet site developed by people who think Mafia Wars is what the world's been missing. Hurrr…no.

I stuck with it through the good times (terrorising a friend's account when they're passed out at a house party will never get old) and the bad (ex in post-breakup party photos shock). I've learnt that adding someone you met the night before in a club will open up their drunken photos for scrutiny, but not much in the way of conversation. It'll also show you three little words that will dash your hopes of getting with the hotty you met the night before who, it turns out, is "in a relationship". Whatever.

But now I've learnt my lesson. As I sat curled up on a sofa in a Hoxton bar dribbling a G&T down myself, the talk turned to Facebook. It's been almost 3 weeks, but so far me and the new boy have managed not to become 'friends'. He was telling me a story and the photos that accompanied it were online, so he suggested I look at his page. At this point, I made a suggestion so bold and against modern culture that all the cool kids announced I was no longer down with them.

"Nah, but…hmmm. I don't really like it. Can we... not add eachother on Facebook?" I said, boldly going where no girl had gone before.
"Why, what have you got to hide?" he replied with a grin.
"Haha! Nothing, I just don't like the way you automatically know everything about someone. Takes all the mystery away doesn't it. Like I want to ask you about your interests and what music you like, not just read about it..."
"Actually I don't like it much either. It's fine for keeping up with mates and stuff but not really much else."

And so it was that we agreed Not To Do Facebook. Actually, we high fived against it; cementing my position avec the cool kids again. Anyway, who needs Facebook stalking when you can find their Twitter (not that one), blog (not this one) and other random online writing you've put your name to?

"I've found your Twitter page"
"Urrghh, which means you've found my blog…"
"Should I be reading this?"
"Depends..where are you up to?"

Move over Facebook. I've got a new enemy, it's called Google.