Monday, 21 September 2009

Boldy going forwards. or backwards. Whatever.

If these past three years have taught me anything, it's that Facebook should be used for mocking friends and not cultivating relationships. I think we've established that despite its obvious plus points, Facebook is, above all, a snivelling whiney attention seeking goat of an internet site developed by people who think Mafia Wars is what the world's been missing. Hurrr…no.

I stuck with it through the good times (terrorising a friend's account when they're passed out at a house party will never get old) and the bad (ex in post-breakup party photos shock). I've learnt that adding someone you met the night before in a club will open up their drunken photos for scrutiny, but not much in the way of conversation. It'll also show you three little words that will dash your hopes of getting with the hotty you met the night before who, it turns out, is "in a relationship". Whatever.

But now I've learnt my lesson. As I sat curled up on a sofa in a Hoxton bar dribbling a G&T down myself, the talk turned to Facebook. It's been almost 3 weeks, but so far me and the new boy have managed not to become 'friends'. He was telling me a story and the photos that accompanied it were online, so he suggested I look at his page. At this point, I made a suggestion so bold and against modern culture that all the cool kids announced I was no longer down with them.

"Nah, but…hmmm. I don't really like it. Can we... not add eachother on Facebook?" I said, boldly going where no girl had gone before.
"Why, what have you got to hide?" he replied with a grin.
"Haha! Nothing, I just don't like the way you automatically know everything about someone. Takes all the mystery away doesn't it. Like I want to ask you about your interests and what music you like, not just read about it..."
"Actually I don't like it much either. It's fine for keeping up with mates and stuff but not really much else."

And so it was that we agreed Not To Do Facebook. Actually, we high fived against it; cementing my position avec the cool kids again. Anyway, who needs Facebook stalking when you can find their Twitter (not that one), blog (not this one) and other random online writing you've put your name to?

"I've found your Twitter page"
"Urrghh, which means you've found my blog…"
"Should I be reading this?"
"Depends..where are you up to?"

Move over Facebook. I've got a new enemy, it's called Google.


The Unbearable Banishment said...

Facebook is the devil's playground. I've got TOO MANY ex-girlfriends that I wouldn't mind seeing again to get involved. A blog is egomaniacal enough for me.

I found my ex-girlfriend via a Google search 13 years after we split. Do you suppose that was a good idea?

[BTW, my previous post was meaningless to you because you didn't grow up in the U.S.A under Ronald Reagan. Lucky for you.]

Robbie said...

In your blogger options you can select and option to stop search engines looking for your blog. That should stop anyone coming along your blog via google.

But good to see you putting your foot down with "say no to facebook." You're right it takes away from all the finding aout about each other.

Anonymous said...

Good idea - keep the magic there!

Robbie - thanks for the tip about google :D

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

unbearable - Hey! You could join an 'I love Ronald Reagan' fan site on facebook. The possibilities are endless...

Robbie - Yeaaah but its that old thing, I want people to find my blog, as long as they're the people I want to find it ;)

Chapati - Its a surprisingly easy thing to much more relaxing not being tempted to stalk someone on fbook

Robbie said...

Well that is a pickle :D

Kirses said...

Bloody facebook - took me around 40 mins to figure out how to remove 'relationship status' from my profile and stop my every move appearing in all and sundries news feeds. I then changed it to single (oh the horror) thinking no one would see. Weeks later i looked at my own wall and there it was 'Kirses has changed her relationship status to single'...fuck you very much facebook...

Brennig said...

I love Facebook. It's the best, the coolest, the most fun place ever.

Except I hate Facebook, it sucks big black donkey balls and it's the pits with a capital PIT.

Only one of these statements is true. x

jo said...

wow! you and him aren't "friending" each other on facebook? that's radical haha! though i have to say it's the best place to stalk :P

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Robbie - Indeed it is. Hard life being an attention seeking writer.

Kirses - I made my ex tick a box on facebook privacy which meant when we cancelled the relationship it wouldn't alert all and sundry in our friends' feeds. Felt a bit silly asking him but for me it was important.

Brennig - It's the first one. You're not fooling anyone.

Jo - And that is presicely why I am not indulging it this time. No stalking allowed!

Anonymous said...

i wish i wasnt friends with my boyfriend on facebook, so so so many arguements have been caused by it, so good for you!


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