Monday, 28 September 2009

Angry Half Hour

The other night I got irritated. In fact, I was really, maddeningly annoyed for about half an hour. Something burned in me and I felt like crying. I sat on my bed, put music on - loud - and resisted the urge to throw something. Ten or fifteen simultaneous thoughts flashed through my head, all of them conflicting. I got up and paced my room. Then I stood by the window, completely silent but seething inside. I walked into my sister's room and started to vent my frustrations, but then stopped, realising that she was on the phone. Angry thoughts smacked against a barrier which read "you are being irrational".

I suppose when it comes to a break up, the mutual friends will always be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Invite me along, and he might not go. Invite him along, and I might not go. Invite us both, and things might get awkward. There's no evidence that this would be the case, yet our mutual friends still continue to tread unnecessary egg shells.

It's been almost a year, and I've moved on. I don't get upset thinking about him, I don't have regrets, even thinking of him with someone else doesn't hurt any more. Therefore, I can handle hearing that my ex is due to be at an event, equally I'm capable of hearing this information and deciding whether or not I want to go. Instead, what happens is a lie by omission. People go quiet about a previously mentioned event, and I hear no more about it. Then it becomes clear that he was there - and ah, the mystery is solved.

There are some people I don't expect total honesty from; namely the boys, the ones who were his friends first. Others I do; the girls, the ones who knew me first, and at the moment it's the latter who are letting me down.

After half an hour, the laid back attitude that is my current state of mind prevailed. C'est la vie. Or maybe the unthinkable has happened. Maybe it's not me they're protecting any more. Maybe it's him.

10 comments:

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Your friends are being your friends. They don’t want to see you upset. Sounds to me like you’re cross with them. Sounds to me like you’re penalizing them for caring. I don’t really know you at all but that doesn’t sound like you. Did I misread?

roseski said...

As Unbearable said... The girls were probably attempting to save you from an upsetting situation. But at the same time, I suppose it would have been nicer of them to have just been honest with you.

(Coincidentally I'm in a pissy mood and have just cranked Spotify up - loud)

smidge said...

Weird. Very weird. Maybe they feel awkward about hanging around with him and not you and didnt want you to feel shitty about it. It obviously backfired. Id sit them down and tell them this..

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

unbearable - I have to disagree with you there. To me, caring is listening to your friend when she tells you she's fine and treating her as such. I'm not made of glass. Say they invite me to something that he's going to, and I say no. That would mean they would have to also not go to the event, out of loyalty. To avoid being in this situation, they just don't ask me along - or make sure I'm not going in the first place. That's how I see it.

roseski - Surely the upsetting situation would have been 5 months ago, not now? Like I said, they know I'm ok about things now. All I want is a bit of honesty.

smidge - Thats along the lines of my thoughts. I'm going to bring it up at some point, its just finding a way to express myself without contradicting myself.

Ellie said...

Errrrgggg. I'm irritated just by reading about them. It's not the appropriate reaction. Not that they mean it, but still. Errrg.

ninetyninewords said...

Two hundred words and then you say this right at the end...
"Maybe it's not me they're protecting any more. Maybe it's him."

You may have hit the nail on the head there. It's either that or they're trying to protect your feelings, albeit mistakenly.
Whichever it is - does it matter?
If you invite everybody else but not him will it make a difference to anybody? Will some people not come that you want to come out of some loyalty to him? If so invite him and if he doesn't want to come that's his call, theirs too.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Ellie - Thats the issue right there. I was annoyed, but didn't know if I had any right to be. Can anyone ever do exactly what you think they should do? Probably not. I expect too much.

99 words - At my birthday, they all came and he didn't (he was invited.) The ex said he was working late. I later found out he didn't come because he didn't want to impinge on the night. That thought hadn't even occured to me. I suppose thats where my 'protecting him' theory comes from.

pinkjellybaby said...

Friends are weird...

Scarlett Parrish said...

I loved this post. Especially the last line.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

PJB - Indeed we are.

Scarlett - Why thank you. I liked the last line too as soon as it occured to me.

 

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