Monday, 13 February 2012

Curveballs are fine, if you know they're coming.

Thinking about it, eight months would have been nice amount of time. 

I mean, I'll settle for five - it's better than nothing, but ideally eight months would have been the optimum time for nothing to change.

Unfortunately, it's not like you can really write to Captain Life and apply for eight months of static living please, pretty please with a cherry on top, can everything stay the same for a while. But what you can request is that if things are likely to change, that you're given a fair amount of warning. 

"So, me and Girl Housemate have been thinking that we want to live on our own before getting married" started Boy Housemate this evening, arriving rather laboriously at the point after an extensive preamble. I continued to season a rather lovely bit of fillet steak.

"Yeah? That makes sense." 

"And for the last month or so we've been keeping an eye out."
"Today something came up on Gumtree, just around the corner. So I went to see it."
"Oh, right. To buy?"
"No. Rent."
"So I put an offer in, and if it gets accepted - which it might not, we offered lower than they want - but we'd have about four weeks to..err...sort stuff out"

Which is how it transpired, tonight, entirely out of the blue, that I potentially have four weeks to find somewhere else to live. 

It's difficult to explain without telling you all the boring details - you'll just have to take my word for it - but I can't live here if they don't. 

It's difficult to explain why I didn't get angry immediately, or demand to know why, if they've been considering other living arrangements even if just for a month - they didn't think to give me a heads up until now. 

And it's difficult to explain why I feel really, really shaken up by the prospect of what comes next. 

Do I move in with people I don't know? 

Do I, almost a year to the day after I moved back in with my parents last year, let history repeat itself? 

Do I really have to call my parents up and admit that once again, things that weren't meant to fall through actually have?

And like every time something changes - I just wish for once that it wouldn't. 

Or failing that, I just wish it would give me a bit more notice.


Brennig said...

I guess moving back with the parentals is your failsafe position, but it doesn't have to be your ultimate goal.

Use your time to sort your head; get yourself lined up on what you want to do and how you want to do it.

Find somewhere else, find someone else to move in with. I guess these are your ultimate goals?

modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

Yeah, that sucks. I'm not sure what else to say, which may be a function of my brain being frazzled by the last week or two of work, but I've deleted about 3 or 4 trite phrases that could be applied to this subject.

All I will offer is that something good will come out of this. I promise. And if it doesn't, you can come kick my arse from end of hicksville* to the other. It's a pretty small village, but it'll release some of that frustration.

*aka my village

Breeza said...

What a curveball for sure.
I'd be really shaken up too. Change is not easy. Is there any way you can live by yourself? Or advertise for a roommate in your current flat?

Miss Milk said...

Oh GOD I've been there. More or less. This is why you don't move in with couples, right? But I ignored that rule too. I've only ever lived with strangers and it's tough, especially since you are quite particular about living habits (as the title of your blog suggests). I don't know what you should do. Get the world's crappiest place and live on your own, maybe? As long as the job situation is relatively stable? That's been a back up plan of mine before, and it's worked for some people I know. Good luck. :(

Anonymous said...

Definitely live with other people - in the majority of cases (in my experience) it works out well, best case scenario is that you get new friends out of it & meet new people. Obviously there is the worst case scenario of living with psychopaths, but I think you can tell from first impressions if someone's normal or not.
Or if you really are terrified of living with strangers, ask friends to ask around their friends to see if anyone is looking for a flatmate soon.
At the end of the day, this could be a pretty exciting change for you.

caitymay said...

Definitely don't move back with your parents - be brave and look for a place with strangers. It was the best thing I ever did! My husband and I separated in Jan 2010 and I but the bullet and moved into the best place I could find on Gumtree. Two years on, I still live with all of them and plenty others (I now live in a 13-bed house), have a huge extended network of friends and have the most active, varied social life in the world. They are my best mates, and to think I could have not done it!!

Just be brave and go for it :)

Anonymous said...

How horrid. Having the floor under your feet whipped away is bound to leave you very shaken. Flatmates aren't perfect, but it can't hurt to get out and have a look at a few places?

tenderhooligan said...

Oh, that's really hard. Sorry to hear it.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jo, what rotten news.

Surely you can find a decent house or flatshare? I really hope you can, you are long overdue a housing break.

(Perpetual - your OpenID commenting thing isn't working)

Cynical Scribble said...

That's poo. Hope you get something sorted.

I'd entertain the idea of living with strangers, I've done it in the past and am doing it now. I know you haven't really got time on your side but good housemates are out there (but so are bad housemates).

Aled said...

That's a bugger. But I'm sure there are plenty of lovely people who are looking for lovely peolpe top live with!
You've got 4 weeks to look, with the back up of the folks' house if necessary. But I'd get looking asap!

Good luck!

last year's girl said...

Hmm. Letting you know their plans would have been nice.

Good luck. I'd move in with you in a heartbeat.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Brennig - Moving back with the 'rents is a last resort. But yep, those are my goals.

model - My friend said that, and usually good (better) things do come out of minor upheavals. I just wanted to be settled for a while!

Breeza - There's no way I can stay in the flat, that would mean getting another couple in in order for me to afford it - and I've had enough of that set-up. And I can't afford to live by myself in central London.

Miss Milk - For a while there I thought I could cope with the whole couple living thing, but turns out they talk to each other about things and not their housemate. It's a different dynamic. And the worlds crappiest place in central London would still be too expensive ;)

Anonymous - These are my options for sure, but I suppose I've had enough of these "exciting changes" to last me a while!

caitymay - wow, a 13 bedroom house! I'm not sure my slight neurosis would cope with that, but yes, I think finding a stranger or friend of a friend is the next step.

Mud - No, not at all. I plan to do that, it's just the rent was cheap here and that was partly why I moved in. It's a long old slog to find a new place.

tenderhooligan - It is a load of sheeeeeit. C'est la vie!

Perp - I'd like a bit of routine for a while, yep! And oh just use the Name / URL option then, I don't know how to fix it!

Cynical - And messy housemates. And lovely housemates. But yes, lots of housemates out there. I just can't be arsed to find them right now ;)

Aled - I plan to, but it's just not ideal timing with having just started a new job. I need to be concentrating on that.

last year's girl - That's lovely of you to say. I'm a good housemate. If a little OCD and intolerant of hair in the bath.

Rachel England said...

Argh, that's such a stressful situation to be in, and I really feel for you. The same thing happened to me a few years ago, when the friends I was living with decided to up sticks and move to a different city. I had about three weeks to find somewhere else to live, and moving back with the 'rents was out of the question (so at least you have that to fall back on - and I wouldn't regard it as a 'fail', either).

In the event I moved in with some randoms - they were nice enough and we got on fine, but they weren't good friends, if you know what I mean. However, this did prompt me to get out of the house more, do new things and meet new people, and it actually worked out really well in the end; because of that I'm now living in a great house with people I really love.

The worst thing about it all is the uncertainty, I get that. But you just have to take a deep breath, embrace it, and remember that things do change in life, but not necessarily for the worse. Good luck! x

Love Cat said...

That's a bit shit - are the words that came out my mouth when I read your post.

I've not got any sage advice that hasn't already been offered up to you. Just wanted to let you know I hope it all works out. Which I'm sure it will. You're a tenacious thing. x

treacle said...

Oh Jo, that's a bit shit.

What do you want to do?

Four weeks is long enough once you work that out...and I wish you the best of luck.

Redbookish said...

Oh crikey, that's tough. Your flatmates a tad selfish there I think. Well, more than a tad.

But ...

I spent my years from 17 when I left home till at least 30 (I am officially old) living in shared houses and often with people I didn't know to begin with., Two of my best friends (they are my adopted brothers really) were people I didn't know until after they moved in.

I know that once you leave university & have a grown up job and all that blah blah blah it is disheartening to feel you still live like a student. But it can be a gift. Although I don't live in London.

Good luck!!

Ellie said...

Moving house ALWAYS sucks (the physical act). You have had more than your fair share ... and finding a new place, especially in London, is a pain in the arse! So, my condolences.

In the meantime, maybe they don't get it ... at least you'll know that it's a possibility and gives you some time to put out some feelers?

London-Lass said...

Sounds a wee bit off that they didnt let you in on their decision-making process - given the major fall-out from their decision that you're now having to cope with. Poor Jo!

Would (temporarily) moving back with parents be so bad? At least you know that you have an option (even if not the hippest or best of ones) and that there'd be folk there to support/love you, blah, blah, blah, whilst you try to sort yourself out. (again)

P said...

This sucks. Shame they couldn't have given you a wee bit more notice than this. It would have been just basic good manners. Hope you can find an alternative!

Foodycat said...

I have a very excellent friend who is looking for a flatmate in Soho, if you want me to introduce you? She is clean of person and a good cook?

nuttycow said...

Come to Switzerland and live with me.

Problem solved.


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