Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Ten things I've learnt from ten days with ten girls (and a token boy).

1. Every day should contain a post-baked-Camembert-and-G&T-fuelled nap. Ideally this should take place under a tree, in a hammock, soundtracked by Bon Iver.

2. When staying at a friend's house in a hot country, never underestimate the importance of putting the bins out for collection. Or the volume of maggots that will appear when you all forget and go to a music festival instead.

3. Switching half pints of beer for Caprianas and Mohitos at said music festival will end with half your party Peaking Too Soon, getting rowdy with the locals and spending the long awaited main DJ set of the night fast asleep on a nearby bench.

4. Contrary to expectations, the Token Boy is a holiday essential. Best utilised for dispersing maggots from bins, barbecuing, and delivering aforementioned post-lunch G&Ts to shady hammock.

5. French men are unable to walk past a group of girls without attempting to shag at least four of them.

6. A tried and tested alternative to "throwing the face" is to stare unwanted French Boy straight in the eyes and announce: "Bonjour. Je suis un cochon de la neige" (Translation: Hello. I am the pig of the snow).

7. Allowing friends to eat oysters a week after being ill can culminate in you seeing the contents of their stomach exiting a car window an hour later, resulting in vomity-splashback over the occupants of the backseats. And screeching. And embarrassment. And much laughter from those witnessing the scene from the car behind.

8. Pale-skinned sunshine frolics are ten times more enjoyable when you admit tan defeat and embrace Factor 30. This year's holiday glow is brought to you by St Tropez (the bottled version).

9. There is no better place to receive the news that "While we were really impressed with your CV and skills, unfortunately we will not be offering you the position" than in the sun, surrounded by a pretty bloody cool load of mates. What's more, hugs, several glasses of iced rosé wine and an afternoon of underwater pool olympics do wonders for a disappointed soul.

10. But on the other hand, sparkly new opportunities have a habit of appearing, via text message, when you least expect them.

Sometimes, the best holidays are the ones you're ready to come home from.


Lisa said...

My CV turn downs often come in the way of emails stating, "After reviewing your skills and experience we have made the decision to move forward with other candidates for this position."

They should say, "Hey. F-off." It involves fewer words. :)

At least people are impressed with your CV. :)

Sounds like you had a fun vacation!

modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

Welcome back!

Blonde said...

Bah - sorry about the job. But hurrah for new opportunities of the sparkly kind - and also excellent holidays.

Nice to have you back.x

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Lisa - It's hard not to sound generic when letting someone down, I suppose, but they did go on to give some personalised feedback as I got to second interview stage. Down to experience (or lack of it) at the end of the day. Le sigh.

Model - FANKS! Nice to be home.

Blonde - Hurrah indeed. We'll see how the new sparkly things pan out. Thanks for all your help. I proper nailed the PR bit, that's fo sho. Just not enough experience in other areas. (BAH! I'll show them when I'm queen of everything)

London-Lass said...

Sounds like you (all) had a great time and sorry about the job :(

But tell me, my little snow pig - what's all this about `sparkly new text messages'?

Am all ears ...

modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

Y'all gone Mason-Dixie on us?

Were you in France or Louisiana?!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Londonlass - As soon as I know the full story, you will...

Model - Totally just had to Google Mason Dixie. Still baffled :D

Modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

Sometimes I make 15 tenuous connections in my head and expect people to understand - my bad!

'fo sho' and 'fanks' remind me of a couple of Americans I know (sailors obviously!) who are from the deep south (I.e. below the Mason-Dixie line). The Louisiana comment was an attempt to tie that together with your French holidays. As I said, a little tenuous!!!!

Anyway, any day wikipedia is involved can't be bad, can it?! :|

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I GEDDIT! And you're right. Wikipedia is basically my Bible, except with more facts.



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