Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Just got to see what happens, innit.

As you may have guessed from the shocked silence, last week's interview went well.

No tricky questions, no Bad Cop tearing into my self-esteem. No baffling acronyms to decipher. No bad jokes while listing my weaknesses. No generic questions from the HR Handbook. No trying to work out how many cars there would be if Ben bought three for £1200 and sold them for £1500 and made £50 on each. Just a relaxed discussion about the company, me and my CV. I think I even said "awesome" at one point. It just slipped out.

And next week I'm back for a second interview.

It's still early days. There's every chance it could still go tits up. But in the wake of this positive bit of news, it's been impossible to stop my my mind wandering.

My reasons for pinning so much hope on a new job aren't strictly financial. There's no rent to pay, no monthly outgoings to worry about. If it was only about money, I could have already moved back out into central London by now, or, in lieu of employment after July, at least booked myself an extended summer holiday.

But truth is, it's taken a couple of months for the after effects of the break up to set in. After an initial "I'll show that bloody bastard" rush to sort myself out, everything sort of dipped. From job interviews to prospective house shares to relationships; when it comes to me versus someone else, the other person always seems to be winning out.

I'm not so naive to think that just getting a job and moving out again will take away the horrible feeling of not being wanted by someone. But there's a vain hope that getting myself back to where I was - moving out of home, paying my own way, being more independent - might take away some of the anger I feel at having to go backwards. To return home after moving out is one thing; but to re-pack your stuff in front of newly opened "Good Luck" cards is quite another.

Still, it's safe to say that although change has a habit of solving problems, it also throws up a whole set of new and unexpected ones. So while a new job might give me some security and a new place to live, it might also give me unbearable colleagues and housemates who eat with their mouth open.

But for now, I reckon we should just hold our horses, cross that bridge when we come to it, see what happens, and other cliches.

5 comments:

London-Lass said...

*holds breath until purple*

Breeza said...

Ohh good news! Fingers crossed.

Anonymous said...

But you will be wanted by someone - your new employer. I know that's not what you meant but that feeling of being wanted for your skills and your experience is still a good one to hold on to and feel good about. Good luck! x

Ellie said...

fingers crossed for the bridge crossing

treacle said...

One thing at a time...

good luck on your 2nd interview :-)

 

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