Thursday, 28 July 2011

The Rug of NO LOVE

As you may know, I currently live with my 60+ year old parents.

Generally we get along well and have quite a bit in common (blood groups, DNA, they like wine, I like wine, they like dogs, I like dogs). However, there are some things we fundamentally disagree on.

Like rugs.

Specifically, the Chinese rug which is currently enjoying a 1980s revival in our living room. Shield your eyes, here's a taster:

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" I'd exclaimed upon coming downstairs and finding my parents staring quizzically at the floor, "WHAT IS THAT?"

"We found it in the loft!" they chorused back. "Don't you remember it from when you were little?!"

Assuming they had brought it downstairs to unroll, point and laugh at, I was rather surprised when they appeared to be positioning it at one end, then another, then slap bang in the middle of the room.

"You're not actually leaving it there, are you?"
"It's worth a fortune!" they said, admiring the vintage stains.
"But it's hideous. It clashes with every piece of furniture in the room!"

My protests fell on profoundly deaf ears. No matter how many times I stated my confusion aloud: "but you clear up dog sick from the floor, why would you keep this rug on it?", only for them to just smile and nod back and remind me of it's monetary value. That was three weeks ago. And despite me making gagging noises every time I enter the room, there it has stayed.

It's about 10 times the size of me, so rolling it up and disposing of it myself is out of the question. Instead, I've tried getting the dogs to throw up on it (makes no difference, see above. Vomit and The Rug are one and the same), petitioning every guest who walks through the door to stage a mutiny ("Hi Leslie! Have you seen our disgusting rug? You might remember it from the 80s". Alas, they're all far too polite), and reverse flattery ("It's strange, because usually you have such good choice in interior design..."), but it's no good.

The Rug remains.

And short of getting the Gok Wan of interiors to lay the verbal smackdown on it's horrendous, floral, chintzy, disgusting surface, I'm at a loss of what to do.



AFC 30K said...

That's bad - Let the dogs loose on it....

em said...

stage a robbery. surely thats the sort of thing every burglar would be after.
or work the 'worth a fortune' aspect and get them selling in an auction.
or invite your mates round for a girls night where by there might be an accident with some bright nail varnish, red wine (box, not bottle) and possibly a takeaway or 2?

Ellie Rose said...

Oh dear, that is really gross and reminds me of some nasty furniture we used to have (do they still think it is worth a fortune, or did it used to be?). My parents are retired and do similar things... there is a reason that certain items get banished to the loft in the first place! the joys of living at home in your 20s. x

Miss Milk said...

Maybe they're very sneakily trying to nudge you back out of the nest?

db said...

I noticed you said you both liked wine. Red wine? Sometimes wine spills....

Fen said...

Do some ironing on it and accidentally on purpose leave the iron on it til it burns an iron shaped hole in it! Woops.

jman said...

One of the downsides of living in your parents' home, regardless of your age, is that aside from your own room, you have absolutely no say in how the home is decorated. It is the decorating version of the parents saying about something else (usually why can't my bf/gf and I sleep in the same bed) "my home my rules". Remember your rug revulsion because somewhere down the road, you too will have the combination of grown children, some version of the Chinese rug and their horror.

Blonde said...

Mmmm, tasty. There are a few gems I do wish my parents would change about their house. Maybe a strategically dropped jar of beetroot?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

AFC - Been there. Done that. They're just as scared of it as I am.

em - I'd probably have to pay the burglar to take this heap of whatsit away. Liking the 'accident' plan though.

Ellie rose - Indeed. Who'd have thought I'd actually grow up to have some taste in my 20s.

Miss Milk - There's no need, I'm offski outta the nest come September. The rug is the final straw.

db - Cunning plan...cunnniinngg plaaaaaan. *strokes beard*

Fen - I'd have to learn how to iron first. Or at least switch it on.

jman - Yeah yeah, their house, their rancid rug, but still. I'd like to think that even when I'm 60, floral chintz rugs won't be in my loft.

Blonde - Beetroot, wine, all the reds. Although in the back of my head I keep thinking "if it's worth a few bob, maybe I could befriend it..."


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