Trying to get over someone is a right pain in the arse.
There's no other way of putting it: when you no longer want to wallow in a pit of despair, when you're ready to face the day again; when you know they're an idiot, you've stopped crying and just want to bloody get on with it, you can guarantee there'll be a little heart pang ready to hold you back.
At every turn, there's the pang. That little flutter of memory somewhere between your ribs that reminds you of what you lost while he went off and found, and how bloody scared you are of bumping into it. Or worse, them.
Like when you're asked to flat sit for a family friend who has always enlisted your services in the past. Instead of immediately replying "yes, of course", the pang reminds you that it's a thing you always did with him. That staying in the London flat had always been your mutual escape; a chance to play house and pretend this is how things would be when you got your own place. This time, it's just you. You and some cats.
Or when a recruitment consultant calls up about a job. It's all good until he mentions the location, at which point you feel that horrible bloody pang. Because that's where his office is. Imagine bumping into him on the way to work? Pang. Imagine bumping into him and her in Pret. PANG. London's a big place, but EC1 isn't. And lunchtime's even smaller.
Of all the annoying things about a breakup, the worst is the knowledge that you're better off without someone - yet they still hang around your mind and tell you otherwise.
At what point does the pang sod off and just let you get on with things?
15 comments:
Bleurgh. Getting over someone sucks.
I have nothing useful to add, I'm afraid. x
I know given my blog at the moment that I am in no real position to be giving advice especially when it is this...
When you get that PANG! it's a sign that you need to ride it out. Say "yes" to looking after those cats in that flat with its memories and go for that job interview in that part of the world where he works.
Confront the PANG! It's the direct route.
But, you know, we don't tend to like the direct route because they can be... uncomfortable to say the least.
As I said, look at me. I've been avoiding things. Not love things of course. But it's still messy.
Confront the PANG! while I confront... er... my work equivalent of it.
CONFRONT THE PANG!
x
Yeah, easier said...
Oh, and I take it from this post that that "someone else" that cropped up during The Fateful Conversation has become a fixture?
:(
I'm sorry Jo.
As you well know by now, you're better off without someone so damn fickle.s
Blonde - We've all been there, I suppose that's the reassuring thing :)
Soup - I shall confront the PANG! But bloody hell, it is hard. It's so much easier to just avoid it and take the easy route and stop waiting for the pang to sod off and just sod off somewhere yourself. As for the "someone else", I actually have no idea what the situation is there. I haven't spoken to him and have no way of knowing as we've got no mutual friends. Just got my own imagination to go on. And that one likes to think the worst.
I'm baaaack... What did I miss??
I've just seen a sneaky peek of "In short, being single is good." so you're on the way gel.
As someone who broke up at the same time as you also with bolt from blue (although mine was psychotic breakdown of ex wife - I kid you not!) I think you are doing brilliantly. Basically heartache is super shit. But you do
learn to love yourself again and when next bloke comes along (which he will) you think 'thank god I am not still with that loser'. Of course this bit is hard because can't yet see said nice bloke. It's like letting go of trapeze without being able to see the one on the other side. It is there - you're just in the horrible free floating bit! I have faith for us both and I'm abou 14 years older. Chin up. Debs x
As someone who broke up at the same time as you also with bolt from blue (although mine was psychotic breakdown of ex wife - I kid you not!) I think you are doing brilliantly. Basically heartache is super shit. But you do
learn to love yourself again and when next bloke comes along (which he will) you think 'thank god I am not still with that loser'. Of course this bit is hard because can't yet see said nice bloke. It's like letting go of trapeze without being able to see the one on the other side. It is there - you're just in the horrible free floating bit! I have faith for us both and I'm abou 14 years older. Chin up. Debs x
CONFRONT THE PANG!
Spot the insomniac.
I like saying that.
CONFRONT THE PANG!
Imagine like there's an echo to my voice. A bit like the E4 continuity announcer.
One more time.
CONFRONT THE PANG!
Nevermind what it means, just say it for shits and giggles.
x
Going by my last experience, the point at which it sods off and lets you get on with things is (inconveniently) some time after you start getting on with things. I feel your frustration, as someone who spent far too long in the wallowing pit and then struggled to climb out, but I'll never forget that moment when I suddenly realised that my enjoyment of life had stamped out the PANG. Accept that it's going to be there for a while, and as soupemes says, ride it out! One day you'll suddenly notice that you haven't felt it for ages. It is a momentous occasion. :)
You poor thing... Sending virtual hugs. And virtual cocktails too, I find they work wonders on a broken heart.
On the positive side of things, as much as my breakup hurt the shit out of me it I honestly think it made me a better writer! So much material to draw on! And this post was beautiful, am really loving your blog! xx
I don't know when it goes, but it does.
Put it this way, 2 years down the line (blimey, has it been 2 years!?) and I have no pangs, no twinges, nowt. And I haven't had them for about a year and a half.
*hugs*
The pang just goes, and one day you suddenly think hey, NO PANG. Until then you just have to do whatever you can to keep moving forward.
As you know this is one of those `how long is a piece of string' questions. All I can say is that one day you suddenly realise that you are pang-free, you havent thought about 'em at all, and that's that. A healing heart is never a straightforward process.
O, and not sure why, but I've suddenly got this urge to check out some knock off `designer' handbags ...
It does indeed suck. But one day you'll realise you haven't had a pang for a few days, and that is the point where you realise that subconsciously you've started to really move forwards.
Took me about a year, vastly helped by cutting all contact.
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