Monday, 2 August 2010

Catching Up

Ohhhhhh, I've missed my friends.

Thursday saw me catch up with a good friend from my university circle, the Partner In Breakup. Seated on a bench outside a bar with a very reasonable happy hour cocktail menu, we expanded on eight months of ambiguous Facebook messages.

We gabbled about the success of me and the Boyfriend; as a couple who took a gamble on a fledgling relationship and won. We caught up on get-togethers and break-ups, who's here, who's gone, who's now employed, who's still looking, who's single, who's not, who's married, who isn't any more.

Catching up with university friends has, and always will, lead to inevitable mentions of The Ex. As long as we continue to share the same friends, we will each be privvy to details - however casually mentioned or received - of the other's lives. And so it was that I heard a brief snippet regarding the Ex's current relationship. Specifically, an argument. A snippet that made me cringe and pang slightly - but for entirely different reasons than you'd expect.

Hearing the snippet made me remember. I remembered arguments where the only resolution was me admitting defeat, admitting fault, or apologising. I remembered being on the receiving end of lectures on how I should behave. I remembered all-too-frequent episodes of paranoia. I remembered the losing battles I had with someone who was too stubborn, too confident, too self-assured and - here's the scary bit - so absolutely unafraid of losing me as a result of speaking his mind. I remembered hiding tears behind sunglasses and holding back what I really thought, in case it should spell the end of our relationship.

When I heard the snippet describing the behaviour I once was on the receiving end of, now directed at someone else, it confirmed what I've known for quite a while. That fundamentally, people - be it old friends or ex Boyfriends, those who, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out with - never change.

Then I thought about my Boyfriend, the one I never thought I'd meet, let alone hold the interest or stay together with, the one who waited, the one who flew around the world to be with me, the one who apologises if he's wrong and doesn't lecture me when he's not, the one who has never asked me to change anything unless I've dripped food down it.

I thought about all that, felt a pang of utter relief, then shook my head.

"That poor girl. Good luck to her, she'll need it." and then, without a smidgen of doubt or regret, "Thank fuck it's not me."


Blue soup said...

I'm that girl.

Grump said...

Lucky you. Sounds like you have met a good mate as well as a partner.

Anonymous said...

What Blue soup said. In fact, I think we're legion.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Soupy - But you don't have to be x

Grump - Yeah he's pretty cool as far as blokes go :)

Anon - Likewise to what I said to soup. Let someone else have the hassle and heartbreak x

Anonymous said...

Excellent. So very happy its all worked out great :D

Anonymous said...

And also "I remembered all-too-frequent episodes of paranoia."

So thats gone away? Thank f*** for that! I got it a lot in my last relationship, even though I'm not a particularly paranoid girl - its reassuring to know its not 'normal'

London-Lass said...

I know whereof you speak. Although I never think `poor girl' (i.e. girlie that the ex is now with) just `thank gawd I'm outta there'. But then I am a very bitter old spinster.

Nimpipi said...

Good on you. I know what you mean.

P.S -- Been reading you for a month now. I like how you feel and welcome home.

Alexia said...

" absolutely unafraid of losing me as a result of speaking his mind." Relate, relate, relate!

PS: Your secret's safe with me.

Ellie said...

I am so lucky. I've always been lucky.

missyummyface said...

hurrah! :)

on all countsx

Blonde said...

But for the grace of God, huh? Glad to hear it's all working. Maybe there's hope for all of us!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Chapati - Yeah strangely it has gone away. Like, I thought it was normal to shit myself after every argument and constantly worry about being broken up with. Turns out it's not. Or maybe it is, and this relationship is totally abnormal. Who can say?

London lass - Yes, it's the first time I've wanted to hug the new girlfriend and give friendly advice rather than stick a pole through her head. I feel almost charitable towards her.

Nimpipi - Hello, glad you like. And thank you for reading.

Alexia - Yeah, that's the crux of it I think. I remember thinking, why isn't he scared of me dumping HIM? Oh yeah, because I never would. Ha!

Ellie - You are indeed. And you are currently enjoying a hot summer. Double luck :)

Missyummy - Hope for us all, eh? Gogetthatbusboy. Ahem.

Blonde - The only dating advice I can offer is booking a long trip. Watch the potentials flock.


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