Thursday, 30 July 2009


Yolyjolyguacamole, guess what I discovered today?


No joke right, but I'd completely forgotten about public libraries. I used to be a member of one when I was about fact I think we've still got some books from it somewhere, but not since then. Of course I spent my time at university holed up in one, but that wasn't a proper public library. My uni one was massive and had all specific books on theories and criticism and stuff, and DVDs of stuff people study on film courses...but it's not like the one I found today.

I'll keep it short because to be honest I'm boring myself a little bit, but it's like a bloody Aladdin's cave in there. DVDs, boxsets of 24, Heroes, Lost and all those other series I couldn't be arsed to watch on TV or buy from Amazon, music CDs, language courses on CD, and BOOKS! So many books! Books in big print, little print, on CD, on cassette...Free books! You just hand your little card over and they give you a book! Or three books! For FREE!

I'm actually annoyed that I only remembered about the existence of my local library today when I just spent like £3 on Amazon to buy the 2nd Twilight book (in the absence of a proper love life I've taken a fancy to a fictional vampire, and what?).

Don't underestimate how excited about this I actually am. You know how I was all "urrrghh, I'm unemployed, what can I do to educate myself" the other day, well I'm off to scan the online library system to see what books (free books!) they have. Then I'm going to read them all. But not until I've watched Crash and Stranger Than Fiction, my DVD rentals for this week.


(although I did have an overwhelming OCD-like urge to wash my hands once I'd made my selection and left the building, but that's cool. I'll just get some antibacterial hand gel.)


Anonymous said...

Public libraries are very exciting. I go to the Birmingham one every week and it's pretty good. Sadly, I can never find the dirty books section...

BUT it's full of completely weird people. This week I was innocently waiting for the lift to take me to the 6th floor, and this huge ginger beard comes lolloping around the corner, with a strange man in a plaid shirt attached to it. "Phew! I REALLY need the toilet - I hope this one's working. I've been to nine or ten others but they're all full." He STANK of piss. When the lift came, I couldn't bear to get in it with him, so I just gestured to it and said "You go ahead", and then I went and used the stairs instead. The people who work there have terrible stories about people peeing in corners and having sex in the study cubicles and all sorts.

I once sat next to someone on the computers, who was looking up pictures of women in 80s-style high-leg swim suits and leotards... and saving them onto a USB... eeeuuuggghhhhh.

But yes, libraries are ace and I LOVE microfiche. The end.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Step this way into the WAYBACK machine. First stop: libraries. Blueskies is right. The public biblio is a hornets nest of wierdos and creeps (aka my people).

jo said...

oh i love libraries. actually i love anywhere that allows me to read books for free haha!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

BLueskies - Ah, that would explain the way the library staff looked at me as if "you want to join this library?'re...NORMAL and can talk in full sentences of English without saying 'HUUHH!'". Will watch out for old men who smell of pee and other undesirable smells. I hate to know what tomfoolery occured in my university soundproof carrels. I know at least 2 people who shagged in them.

Unbearable - I'll just get my books and dash home. No hanging about.

jo - Yeah, they're massively underrated. What excuse does anyone have not to read? Education is free and takes 4 minutes to sign up for.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, try working in one.

I get so excited when someone normal turns up at our counter.

I signed up a nice, normal young couple yesterday. And somehow turned into a stand-up comedian purely because I was so excited about this occurrence that I wanted to impress upon then that not all library-workers are stuffy bun-wearers who say 'shh' all the time.

They went away happy. And more than a little scared.

So, yeah. Public libraries. Full of weirdos. Including the staff.

Ellie said...

We get our recycling bags from the public library.

Al said...

i have been avoiding the libraries around here since i was about 12- i caaused a hefty fine from taking too long and i refuse to pay this lol

Huw said...

Having read your librigasm, I feel like less of a nerd after I left a history comment the other day.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Soph - I like to think I gave the young girl who served me yesterday a bit of normality time. There were some odd balls hanging about. But then I thought, hmmm, maybe I'm odd too? 24, not working, flapping about renting DVDs and books from a library. Weirdo.

Ellie - As in you buy them from the library? Do you go to the library just to get the bags, or do you nip off with a book as well?

Al - I was a little bit scared they'd pull me up on the ones I never brought back. But I'm guessing they've brought new systems in since 1990.

Huw - I'm all for getting a bit nerdy now and then. My favourite comments are often the ones when someone's a little bit nerdy and gives some really good advice or suggestions that I wouldn't normally hear.

Elaine said...

I have an image of you, curled up in bed, and reading your books with latex gloves on, because you've run out of gel.

Uugh. Germies. Please don't lick your finger to turn the pages.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Elaine, I tell you. That image is not altogether far off the truth. These library books come with plastic covers for a reason, I'm guessing.

Anonymous said...

Aha the old 'but I had fines when I was 10' issue.

Well I spent some of today deleting borrowers who had fines from 6 years ago. So they can come back if they want to! They could come back anyway, but library staff seem to have a rep of being scary fire-breathing types who don't like people.

Hmmm...might be something in that...:)

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Soph - The librarians at my university but the D in DRAGONS.

Seriously. God forbid you should set the book thief alarms off by accident. Three strikes and you're out.

Time Traveller said...

Oh yeah! I forgot they do DVDs. Someone told me that they have to order in books if they don't have what you're looking for. I was thinking of ordering in the encyclopedic edition of the Karma Sutra, just to see the librarians face :)

Time Traveller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blog Template by - RSS icons by ComingUpForAir