Friday, 31 July 2009

I have got stuff to DO, YOU KNOW.

Today, I wait.

I wait for my external hard drive to be delivered by the Home Delivery Network. Apparently they tried to deliver yesterday, but I was out so they left a note. I called their automated number and arranged with the robot woman for it to be delivered today.

Today is quite a general term in the grand scheme of days though, isn't it?

As in, today could mean 8:32am, 2:37pm or 5:16pm. Which is fine if you're an agoraphobic, but not so good if you've got dogs.

For example. This is The Dogs after their walk:

Nice and quiet aren't they? Aww, look how they sleep in the sun. But before this can happen, the blonde does this guilt inducing squeaky yawn, like 'Owwwwwwwww' and the other one bounces around bringing you stuff. Specifically, pears from the garden. He's loving the pears at the moment. He carries them so that the stalk sticks out of his mouth. It's all quite sweet for a few minutes, but then they both start yawning and squeaking and making noises, not quite barks, but noises like nagging children make when they're being forced to walk around Marks and Spencer's clothing department. They're bored. They want to go out.

But if I leave the house, the Home Delivery Network might turn up. Then they'll bugger off again and I'll have to do this all again on Monday. It's seemingly impossible for them to even give an indication of whether it'll be morning, afternoon or evening.

Aha! I know, I shall go out, but leave a note tucked in the letter box. One that scares of potential burglars whilst being informative at the same time and stressing how much I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed that package. Today.

I needn't have bothered. There'll be no treasure hunt today. It's now nearly 3 o'clock, I've walked the dogs, applied for a job, painted my toenails...and it hasn't arrived.



And I spelt 'burglars' wrong. :(


nuttycow said...

Hahahahah! I love that note. I would have loved it more if he'd made you a treasure hunt. Or just delivered the item of course.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I think I secretly hoped I'd come back and find a trail of imaginative clues, too.

"The plant pot holds not just mud, but a leafy surprise"

Alas, still no sign :(

Homer said...

I tried that once. They just highlighted the bit of the "sorry we missed you" card that said they couldn't leave the parcel without obtaining a signature unless they had written permission from the sender.

Home delivery is a fucking joke. Out here it's a 36 mile round trip to the depot if I miss Citylink.

Robbie said...

Cant see how he could of called you to say he had arrived as your number has been painted over.

Anonymous said...

Love it! Reminds me of my entry in the "Special delivery instructions" bit of the Tesco home delivery form... It went something along the lines of "Please address me using the codename 'Princess Sparkles' to ensure that you do not deliver my precious foodstuff to the wrong person" - The look of horror on the spotty kid's face as he stood on my doorstep and stuttered the 'codename' at me was priceless!

All Mod Cons said...

Had exactly the same thing 2 days ago. Only without the dogs. Waiting for my "new" iPod to arrive, had to give them my work address because delivery times were stated at between 8am and 6pm. Bastards. Left a witty note should they arrive when I went to get tea. Twice. And lunch. They didn't get there until 6pm.

2 points. It was supposed to be EXPRESS delivery. Yeah, right-o. Internet tracking said it left London City Airport at 9.04am. Methinks Express might be balls. And second, I was most disappointed that my witty note wasn't read by anyone. I was almost tempted to get the driver to read it when he got there anyway. But then I'd have looked like a tit so opted against the idea.

Sorry...kinda blogging on your comments section...

( that I would've loved to have seen!)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You spelled "neighbor" wrong as well. There's no "u" in it! Silly. Did you get your package? The the delivery boy look like Ryan Reynolds?

Anonymous said...

I sympathise. My postman now apparently takes 48 hours to return undelivered packages to the depot all of 3 miles away. Just picked up 2 today. The convenience of shopping online, eh?

Brennig said...


Scarlett Parrish said...

roseski's comment made me wet myself laughing.

I now want to do my grocery shopping online just to see if I can pull this off.

Lori W. said...

Scarlett forced me to come here against my will, but I'm glad she did. I almost died laughing, and I am going to remember this next time I get a package.

Epic WIN.

Anonymous said...

Lazy delivery drivers drive me absolutely bonkers, so I sympathise.

I once had a ShittyLink driver driver up to the house, turn around and drive away again whilst I stood there waiting for him to get out and give me my parcel. Arsehole.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Homer - Even round here fairly close to town it's stupid, they say you have to leave 24 hours before picking up a package 5 minutes away.

Robbie - Arf arf arf arf :D

Roseski - Brilliant, love that. Must try it.

All Mod - Thats the annoying thing, they can only specify a day...not a time. Not even a time of day. Grrr.

Unbearable - I'm not going to argue about spelling with someone from a country where people say 'Fanny' instead of 'Bum'.

Benders - That's the badger, there's a niche in the market for an actual reliable delivery service.

Brennig - ta!

Scarlett - Ha, me too a little bit. Let's get Tesco deliverying to Princess Queen Magic Muffins all over the country.

Lori - Ha, good work. I urge you to get with the note writing game, it's much fun.

Perp - That's basically what the guy did last time we had a package. Saw the dog and fucked off.


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