Monday, 16 May 2011

Recruitment Consultants WIN!

I'm trying to think of what's irritating me the most today.

Tricky, because there are a few contenders.

Will it be my colleague's penchant for nibbling at the skin around his fingernails, seen just out of the corner of my eye and heard clearly even over the roar of low flying aircraft?

Or perhaps it's the incessant calls from recruitment agencies, all calling and sending through their own deftly crafted lump of excrement which, when roughly translated by a corporate-speak version of Babelfish, transpires to be a job specification?

Tell me, dear recruitment agents, you're a strange little breed of salesman but I'm sure you'll have an answer: Which bit of my CV has the IT software marketing experience this company is looking for? Now you mention it (and you do, right there under "Essential Experience"), where in my profile have you scouted out the 3-4 years design knowledge required for this - erm, also way above me - executive senior managerial role?

And by far my favourite thing because I do have all the time in the world, is this. Wouldn't it be a great idea to read the bit about where I want to work (Crafty tip, fact finders! You'll find it marked in capitals with asterisks either side, like this: **CENTRAL LONDON**) before spending ten minutes on the phone extolling the virtues of a job which turns out to be in the Outer Hebrides, or, like, Berkshire?

Or finally, is it the bit where they then ask me to do their job for them? The cherry on the coiled turd, if you will. The part where they say "Oh, yes, so we're probably not the agency for you" (Oh hi, Sherlock) "But if you know of anyone else who might be a good fit, do let them know about the role".

Sunshine, am I missing something? Cos... god know what I'll end up doing next, but that's your... job...init?

Yeah. Today, the Recruitment Agencies win it.

7 comments:

London-Lass said...

It still puzzles me how these (along with Estate Agents who are equally annoying) actually manage to make a living. As, like you say, they are next to useless when it comes to job-seeking. Chuppies is on countless recruitment agency books for a job IN CONSTRUCTION so not sure how helpful one particular agency thought it would be to send through job details on a role in catering. The dullards.

Blonde said...

How? How do they ever have any success getting people jobs? It's baffling.

Anonymous said...

I'm looking for a job in Manchester and one girl managed to bully me into going to an interview in Bradford. The only reason I went is because I was scared she wouldn't put me forward for other, more relevant roles. Horrible.

Ondo Lady said...

Oh don't get me started on Recruitment 'Consultants' and I use the word Consultant very loosely. I spent three months dodging their calls, some are good at what they do but sadly some of them are totally useless. They are either calling with the intent of extracting information out of you under false pretenses (such underhandedness makes my boil) or plugging jobs that are not relevant.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

londonlass - They are epic useless tards. One called me about a job 20 miles away from London which paid £7,000 less than I'm on now. Go figure.

Blonde - Trial, error, and slow blundgeoning with sticks, I reckon.

Anon - A colleague of mine got sent for an interview like that. Turned up, they looked at his CV and basically went "Erm, you don't have experience doing this. At all" and that was that. Waste of time.

Ondo - That's it. It is slowly driving me mad. I've stopped answering the calls, and now screen each one from voicemails to see whether it's worth ringing them back because most are just timewasting.

Brennig said...

I get rubbish from Rec Cons every day telling me how well-suited I am for a role that I'm patently not. I might get 20 emails a week, all so far wide of the mark that a blind person could read my CV and declare them unsuitable. But not to the Rec Cons. Who are twats, obv.

theperpetualspiral said...

I always thought that recruitment consultants were failed estate agents, or is it the other way round?

Tards the lot of them though. Obv.

 

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