Thursday, 26 May 2011

I'm an enthusiastic team player. And you are...?

Covering letters are the most tedious part of applying for a job.

The mission: big yourself up without sounding like a complete tit. Something that, if the recent lack of responses is anything to go by, I've largely been failing at.

I like to think I can string a pretty sentence together, but put me in front of a job application and something strange happens. My fingers pour forth a series of generic, sod-off-boring words that are completely unrecognisable as coming from me.

Put it this way, if someone asked me to describe myself, the last thing I'd come out with would be "well, what with with my hard working attitude and everything, I'm an asset to anyone in need of an enthusiastic team player". Which I am, but such a sentence doesn't really relay my frequent cross-office yells of "Woo yeah BIIIITCHHESSS!!" in quite the way I'd like.

Having spent the last 45 minutes reading through some horror stories from my Sent Items, I've come to realise a few things.

1. Using the words "utilises", "criteria" and "specified" in one sentence does not a sparkling personality make.

2. The next time I've "honed an ability" will be after a course in bathroom tiling.


3) No one, but no one, should use the words "I have undertaken" unless they're applying to dress bodies in a funeral home.

So using my apparent "innate ability" (arf) to learn from my mistakes, my last couple of job applications have taken a rather different spin. I've ditched the corporate bull-shit job speak in favour of something a little

"In 150 characters or less, tell us what makes you unique." said the application form.

What I typed next was a poem which rhymed my name with the words "marvellous flow" and "no mo'"

It's a tactic I might use again.

The interview is tomo'(rrow).

Oh, and PS. If you're arriving at this post after Googling "in 150 characters or less, tell us what makes you unique", you're doing it wrong. Think about it.  


Gin Operated said...

Well done, and good luck for tomorrow!

(I'm a highly effective communications professional. Nope, not sure what that means either.)

London-Lass said...

Oo good luck for interview - hope it turns out well :)

Brennig said...


Anonymous said...

I actually love writing cover letters... I volunteer my skills far too regularly! Clearly I am just good at bullshitting... However, I'm yet to use rhyme!

Good look for the interview, I'm sure they'll love you*.

*"You" rhymes with "'view", right??

Anonymous said...

Points 1 and 3. You could write a press release in the engineering sector standing on your head.

Good luck with the interview. x

Ellie said...

can't wait to hear how it went

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Gin - Highly effective communications professional = you love a good chin wag in the office.

Londonlass - Alas, this one might not be the job for me...

Brennig - A new style has been coined.

Roseski - In my book, a rhyme doesn't even have to rhyme for it to be a rhyme.

Soup - I'll keep that in mind should this current career path fall on it's snout (likely).

Ellie - Your wish is my command...


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