Wednesday, 4 May 2011

All this will be fine at a later date, just not right now. Thaaaanks.

My friend went to the bar to get another round of mid-afternoon Martinis. At which point I did that thing every bugger does the minute they are left to their own devices: err, check my devices.

A number I didn't recognise sat on my phone screen next to the words "Now then...". Intrigued, I unlocked the keypad and opened up the text message.

"Oh, for gods sake" I muttered, while that familiar cringing feeling crept over my stomach.

Five minutes later, my friend came back and I slid my phone across the table. "You know how we were saying earlier about me not wanting dates with boys at the moment?"

She read the message and laughed. "Aw, it's sweet though!" she said, "Who is he?"

A month or so ago there had been a last minute trip to the races. Some university friends and others gathered in Berkshire and spent the day drinking copious amounts of gin and tonic, interspersed by the odd flutter on the gee-gees. It was two weeks after the break up, and I welcomed the distraction from friends I hadn't seen in a while and those I'd never met before. Talk on the train back to London that evening had revolved around my recent relationship horrors, and the failed attempts of one of the boys, Mr Northerner, to seduce my good friend PIB at a recent dinner party.

It was this boy who introduced himself to me by text, stating he'd got my number from our Mutual Friend - and would I like go for drinks with him this week.

"It is a nice message" I conceded, "But that doesn't excuse the fact that a) I don't fancy him, b) he's already tried it on with my mate and c) I can't think of anything I'd less like to do than go for a drink with any boy at the moment, let alone one who meets that criteria. Urgh, god. How do I reply to this one?"

Putting my phone back in my bag and the awkward feeling to the back of my mind, I knew ignoring wasn't an option. This time, where a mutual friend was involved, there would have to be a reply.

In bed later that night, honesty prevailed.

Thanks for the offer. However I'm taking a break from 'drinks with boys' at the moment. Sorry if that sounds shit. It's just the way it is. Catch you with Mutual Friend soon.

The next morning I awoke to a nice message of the "No worries" variety. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was flattering in a way, after all. And with that one out the way, as far as men and their text messages were concerned, the coast was clear once again.

Or so I thought. Sitting on my bed watching TV last night, my phone buzzed through the duvet.

Hi Jo, it's Mr TDH. We met the other week, remember me? How was your Easter? Just wondered if you fancied going for a drink on Friday?x

Oh, for gods sake.

Doesn't anyone just want to be single any more?


Smidge said...

This happened when I broke up with B, the offers for dates came thick and fast. Being cynical as I am it is because you are fresh meat. Single men will try and get their hooks into you as soon as possible before anyone else does.

If you aren't cynical like me then you could just see it as rather flattering.

Either way, take it as being good for the ego even if you don't want a date.

Anonymous said...

It must be so difficult with all these men queuing up to take you out. Are you after sympathy or someone to convince you to take one up on their offer?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Smidge - Fresh meat. I like that. Has a nice ring to it. "I'm fresh. Fresh like meat". I'm cynical too, in that it won't last. As soon as I want a date, none will come. No doubt about that :-D

Anonymous - Ah, the guise of anonymity is a wonderful thing. I wasn't angling for either, it just makes for a nice bit of blog fodder in an otherwise unremarkable life.

But seeing as you asked, sympathy would be nice. Don't forget the Cadbury's Roses. xxx

miss*H said...

Men like a challenge and can probably tell that you're not quite ready to date, but wow, you sound like one lucky lady. I'd be massively flattered by all the attention. You'll have you pick of them when you are ready to :)

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, wasn't intended to be bitchy, more tongue in cheek. Fail. And anonymous due to not having a Google account and not seeing the Name/URL option - all in all, a soundly embarrassing post.

Although apparently you now have lots of my details you can use to abuse me. Must get back to work... ;)

Breeza said...

It's always when you don't want them that they want you and vice versa. Men!

treacle said...

You are a man magnet Jo, annoying as it is. Who knows, once you're ready you might like to invite the second boy out yourself.

Ellie said...

Just because they want to go for a drink doesn't mean they don't want to be single. Remember ... there are a lot of dirty dogs out there (and bitches!). ;-)

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Miss H - I am flattered. It's rather nice. If uncalled for, because I really cannot be arsed.

Anonymous - You are forgiven. You can start using the name / URL now you've located it ;)

Breeza - Oh, don't I know it. It's also the ones you don't want that always want you, too. Sods law, that.

treacle - It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

(*nb - am not this much of a dickhead in real life, promise, k thanx xxx)

ELlie - I shall alter my post to say "do not want dates and random shags" in that case then ;)

modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

I've no doubt the offers will continue, by all accounts you're a bonny lass, and you're lots of fun (if this blog anything to go by).

Anyway, just take the ego-massage of blokes asking you out on dates. Then, when the time is right, take one up on his offer....

PS - For some reason I have "All the single ladies" running through my head, accompanied by a mental image of Kurt from Glee kicking an American Football. I think I need to get some more sleep!

nuttycow said...

MoaMMG - forget sleep, sounds like you need to get yourself a life ;)

Joooooo - you lucky chicky. Can you send these men out to me please?

modelofamodernmajorgeneral said...

yes, thank you nutty....

mwah x

ps - Jo, apologies for scribbling on your blog.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Scribble away. I'm like BT, bringing people togethaaa n all that.

And MOAMG that last bit of your first comment actually made me laugh out loud as the mental image filled my head too.

Nuttycow - I actually referenced you the other day and your lack of eligible man complaints to my sis as something to consider, as she is thinking about a career move into a tiny European country (not swiss, but close) and I warned her about the lack of men :-D

Cat said...

I couldn't agree more with this. Even 10 months after a break-up I still want to enjoy my life without a man for the time being. Sadly not everyone seems to understand that this is possible. And it's not just men that don't get it. A girl I know of the desperate to get married type has asked me 4 times in a month if I'm happy with 'the single life'... aggh. x

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I get that a lot too. "So...found a man yet?!" - No, and I'm not looking either! You can almost feel them wondering whats wrong with me...


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