Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Excuse me while I fume.

Last month, I attempted to enlist the help of various recruitment agencies in my search for a job. Not because past experience has told me they're any good, but because I was seduced by their fancy websites, glowing testimonies and promises of career success. Oh, the little scamps. They only want to help! Drop us an e-mail, they said, and we'll tell you how!

Unfortunately, the response was less than overwhelming. Assuming I got a response at all, that is. Which I largely didn't. Even when introduced to a consultant through a friend, after being told they 'had something that was perfect for me', there would be no reply to my CV sending. I gave up.

Then one day I got a phone call from a consultant who spotted my newly updated profile on a job site. She got me my current job at The Company, was nice, friendly and kept me updated while things were being arranged.

Last week, I started working. And then....silence.

I duly e-mailed references last week, after which, she said, I would get login details for the Agency website. Nothing. I posted my P46. Nada. I e-mailed changes to my work dates on Monday and to check she got my forms. Not a sausage.

Then late yesterday afternoon, I e-mailed her again about another change to my dates and to double check ye olde payment situation, as hearing sweet f.a was beginning to grate.

Hi again. I still haven't received my Agency Website log-in details you mentioned - so as yet I haven't been able to submit a timesheet. I'm assuming this won't effect me getting paid on Friday.

Suddenly, my gmail inbox experienced a highly unusual flurry of activity. Website log in details arrived minutes before I was due to go home for the day. Capital letters SHOUTED that the P46 I sent can't be used, I MUST fill out the one online. This MUST be done before my timesheet can be completed. Then, the crucial bit. My timesheet MUST be authorised by 10pm that night, or I won't get paid on Friday.

Hold up, sunshine.

You what?

For one, my manager hadn't been in all afternoon. For two, it was home time. For three, it turns out my manager wasn't even authorised to sign off the damn thing anyway when he tried last night and this morning.

So, Madame Recruitment, I've missed the payroll deadline and you're now apologising for not, you know, letting me in on these crucial nuggets of payment information earlier...which is thoughtful of you. But that still doesn't change the fact that I've got £0.48p in my bank account, a busy weekend ahead, £2.65 for lunch until Friday, a hankering for new shoes and now won't be getting paid until next week. I may have just bagged another few weeks work here, which is great news for your commission bonus, but at the moment, I can't actually afford the train fare in on Monday.

And that, my dears, is enough to make a small girl shout down the phone.

Lend us a quid.


Robbie said...

If you post some Google checkout/paypal details here and I'll send you some money for dinner.

Anonymous said...

Dear god that is appalling to say the least. I trust you'll complain and get her arse suitably kicked.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Robbie - Very kind, I've taken to singing on the street at lunchtime. You can drop a quid in my hat then.

Perp - I'm working on it. God I was annoyed. It's easy to just go 'oh alright then' on the phone as well...but a fuss needs to be made.

nuttycow said...

What's happened? Did you get paid? Are you selling your body on the street?

London-Lass said...

Is there no way you could wangle an hour with a Shrek-like premiership footballer (whose sex face is allegedly like that of an angry tortoise who's just stubbed his toe)? I hear the going rate is about £1,200 (give or take a few pence). Hope this helps.

London-Lass said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

nutty cow - Close. I'm selling anti-Agency badges.

Londonlass - Inspired idea. I'm off to find an altogether different sort of agency.


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