Ooh, do that again. That felt goooood.

Once the horrendous feeling of guilt and sporadic crying episodes subside, being a little bit selfish actually feels quite good, doesn't it?

I've gone from moping around this quiet little Auckland hostel, where I could happily have stayed for the entire 4 weeks in a little solitary daze, to absolutely craving a bit of backpacker sludge.

On Monday, I wanted April. Now it's Friday and for some reason, something dawned on me when I clicked publish on yesterday's post. I realised that I want cheap drinks, boozy nights and staying up to watch the sunrise with a load of people I'll never meet again. I want the same repetitive conversations, I want free jugs of beer. I want to be tagged in awful facebook photos, I want weird reminders of what a small world it is. I want bunk beds and noisy room mates who won't let me sleep. I don't want to be held back by my non-single status, or spend the next four weeks waiting for the good bit to arrive and talking on Skype. I want to have an amazing time, put it on hold for 3 hours while I hop aboard an Emirates flight, and then continue it in Sydney with a plus-one.

If this is going to be my last four weeks on my own, possibly for months, years, who knows how long...then I need to get on it. Big style.

Or that's the plan.

Better get on a bus tomorrow morning then.