Travel plans, time, communication issues. I could come up with any number of reasons why today, as four of us rode down to the field with all the horses, I said
"Polo Player...I don't think I'm going to go"
Annie made a sound resembling 'eek' and pushed her mare into a faster walk, leaving me and the Polo Player level. He fixed me with a glare.
"Right. You're not coming? I can't cover you Jo." His assurances the day before that if I really didn't want to go, then he'd use Matty to groom and use someone else to run the horses out to the field were seemingly forgotten. Instead, "This will f*** us. You're leaving me in the lurch."
I could feel tears planning their escape, so I did that thing where you look in the opposite direction at an interesting blade of grass.
"I'm sorry. I just can't commit to both weeks and I don't want to get all the way up there and let you down at an even worse time."
And then, having heard my plan to come with them to the final game in Sydney, he rode off. We started trotting around the familiar track and my tears made a run for it. my four horses, the perceptive little scamps, slowed their pace and fell into line.
Even though I knew it was the one thing I shouldn't be feeling, guilt panged in my chest.
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9 comments:
If I recall correctly, you are working for free right? Instead of laying on such a thick coating of guilt, he should be grateful and falling at your feet with thanks that you've worked as hard as you have for as long as you have.
If you can't make it, you can't make it. Sometimes life works like that.
And, if what Rachel says is true, he should be thanking you - not berating you.
Too much reliance on one person (you), no contingency, his problem.
I'm sorry for this bit of strife, Jo. It shouldn't have come to tears. I'm not going to lecture you, as I did in my last comment. (I *sheepishly* apologize for that, BTW.) But he knew the risks when he took you on. You can't solve a scheduling commitment with temporary help. That's why they're called temps, after all.
good call
I can also understand your guilt though; still enjoy the next leg of your travels
Polo Player will survive, it's not your problem. As AFC 30K says, I do also understand why you feel guilty.
I hope he'll give you a good send off, sounds like you deserve it..
I'm with everyone else. For what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision. He'll get over it. You've obviously done a stand up job for him so far and after a couple of hours hopefully he'll remember that. If not, then he's not worth feeling guilty over.
It's a big world, go see some more of it!
I agree with the rest. Don't feel guilty; you've worked your ass off for him and it was only ever going to be temporary. Go and see the world...that's what you left London for. x
He'll survive, this is the way he gets his help after all. I have no real sympathy for him, it is your once in a lifetime trip and you set the agenda, not him.
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