Thursday, 7 January 2010

If there's one thing people love to do, it's to give advice.

Oh, they mean well. They do! Like, I know that every person who warned me about the dangers of letting my pale, English skin see too much sun, does so for my benefit. I know that when they say "Ooh, you want to watch your skin in this sun, have you got cream on? A hat?", that they are just being thoughtful. Usually, they themselves are an unhealthy shade of mahogany, who doesn't need suncream any more, but we'll ignore the dangers of being a (desirable) shade of brown for a moment.

Even when they're the third person to tell me that day, even when I'll just have spent 15 minutes, as I have done every morning until recently, applying a layer of Factor 30; even when I pull on the experience of being a 25 year old, second time traveller to Australia who is well aware of the dangers of sun exposure here, even though there's not a hint of red on my whole body to cause concern; I'll smile wearily and say "Thanks, I know".

And oh, then there's the relationship advice. We're getting sterling pointers from both sides at the moment. He gets "I don't know why you're bothering mate, it's 5 months!" and I get "It's a shame you've got a boyfriend, you want to be out having fun, meeting blokes out here!". Ah yes, good point. You're right. Why would I want my reliable, fun, good looking, patiently waiting Boyfriend who I have a real laugh with every day even though we're on opposite sides of the world, when I can have a quick fumble in a bunk bed with a braindead, small town Aussie local or a goodtime backpacker? I mean, shit. I'm clearly missing out. Where are my priorities?

But I know, I know: they don't want me to get burnt, and they don't want me to have any regrets.

They mean well, those tanned singletons with the good advice.

I just wish I'd asked for it first.

14 comments:

Robbie said...

We're a World of pushy Agony Aunts.

pinkjellybaby said...

Damn you and your tan and your boyfriend ;-)

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Robbie - Exactamundo, my friend. Nail on head.

PJB - Yes, damn me! I must be mad, trying to travel around australia like this!

smidge said...

I came back from a month in Australia white as i used zinc the whole time.

People were still telling me to look after my skin a month after i had arrived!

Good for you, have you seen how old most of the Aussies look with their tans?

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Actually, they DON'T mean well. They're haters and their jealous. Don't listen to them.

I had assumed you'd arrive back in the UK all bronzed and aglow.

Elaine said...

I'm sad. I think I'd be asking for the vinegar...or coconut oil at the very least! When you get to my age, brown = happy ;)

Huw said...

Aw, people.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

smidge - I don't necessarily think a tan looks bad, I just think the mahogany brown sported by a lot of people here is more dangerous than the red they warn me not to be. The surf instructors out here all slap zinc on like make up. It's good stuff.

Unbearable - Its hard to avoid going darker, and indeed I have, and probably will return home with a nice tan and get everyone saying how tanned (or not) I am. But I've done it without burning first. Its amazing how many people judge your skin colour, and not in a black and white sense, just in a 'how tanned are you' sense. Now I've got a bit of colour, it seems a lot more acceptable to everyone else. People feel uncomfortable when you're bright white out here, this is when I got so many "well meaning" comments. People assume you're on a mission to get a suntan, they chart your progress for you. On the flip side, you've got all the asian girls trying their hardest to remain as white as possible; umbrellas, factor 50, long sleeves and all. It's a strange thing.

Elaine - Age? But you're 19, aren't you? St Tropez all the way!

Huw - There's a lot of 'em.

Alexia said...

Tanned singleton here sans advice. Just wanted to say that the beauty of houmus is that the spelling is irrelevant. It's that awesome.

(Did you notice that I used YOUR spelling on YOUR blog though? We are too polite for school. Now that I think about it, I think I used to spell houmus like so. Hm, odd.)

Time Traveller said...

Next time you get advice, start swearing really really loudly and spit on the floor. Then throw your hands up in the air and make a dramatic exit. Then return as if nothing happened :) oh go on, you know you want to.

BB said...

a mais pura das verdades...

Anonymous said...

Ignore what they say - the cosmetic industry and skin surgeons need the money.
Look at the throats of the mature pretty women on TV. Always wrinkled whatever the rest of them looks like.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Alexia - When in Rome and all that. I spelt it humous, but we'll add the houmus spelling to the pot too. We could open it up to public vote? Bloody love hummus / humous / houmus.

TT - Now that's what I call good advice. Can you imagine their faces? Hahaha...

BB - What can I say, this is the gospel according to Jo (translation for anyone who's interested "Purest of the truths" according to Babelfish online translator)

Anon - Ignoring them isn't the problem, it's having to sit and listen to them spouting their shizaroo in the first place ;)

Chapati said...

Haha!! So true on the relationship advice!

 

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