Saturday, 12 December 2009

LDR

Aside from other travel experiences, I am also embarking on The Long Distance Relationship. One which is made slightly harder by the fact that we'll be apart for 5 months having only been together for two. Well, three now. As we enter our fifth week of separation, I'm happy to report that things are going well. Or as well as they can do when you're thousands of miles away from someone, in a completely different country and time zone and can only speak in 15-20 minute bursts with money ticking away.

The thing is with leaving someone that you've only known for a couple of months is that you're stuck in a perpetual honeymoon period. There are no arguments, because you haven't had that first argument yet. Getting to know him has been placed on hold - all I have is what I gathered in the months before I left. When we talk now, it's to catch up and update each other on the day, not to delve deeper into what makes the other tick; there's no time. The hardest bit is the lack of physical contact, which - and I hardly need to mention this really - is obviously at it's height in the first months of any relationship and is now non existent. Feeling it? Yes, yes I am.

Still, the good thing is that I miss him. And yep, that's definitely a good thing. I'd kept myself slightly distant before I left, worrying that when I stepped off the plane and into Australian freedom, my feelings might change and I'd find myself drifting away or longing to be single. To be honest, I was warey about us staying together. I didn't want to restrict myself or him. Instead, I got on the plane and felt gutted that he wasn't in the seat next to me. Everything I see, I want him to see too. I look forward to our daily phone call and would text him all day if it wasn't so bloody expensive. I know it's still relatively early days at just over a month in, but I'm actually excited about him coming out - not wondering if I'll be greeting him with an awkward smile and an "I don't feel the same".

Part of the reason it's working is the fact that this time, I'm with someone who is open to everything, and looking to the future with me. I worried that my almost casual attitude before I left was me feeling indifferent, but now I realise that it's not indifference that marks this relationship as different to my last one. It's the fact that unlike my last relationship, I'm not in a near-constant state of anxiety. I'm confident in myself and for once in my life, I'm not worried about being dumped for the single lifestyle. He had that choice and he chose me instead. He gives me no reason not to feel secure, and although it felt strange at first - the not worrying - now it's like, "Ahhh...so thiiiiis is what it's meant to feel like...."

Are these the rose-tinted yabberings of a girl in the happy beginning stages of a relationship? Yes, definitely. Am I aware that things can and probably will change? Yes, definitely. But is this boy, the one I had down as a commitment phobe looking for a no-strings relationship, surprising me at every stage? Yes, definitely. I suppose it's like everything else really, we'll just have to see how it pans out.

3 comments:

Blue soup said...

I hope it all continues to go so well for you both - and even better when he actually joins you.

But if it doesn't all stay rosy, you've got the rest of your travels to help with any healing.

win-win

longredcape said...

"Ahhh...so thiiiiis is what it's meant to feel like...."

100%. Makes that other relationship seem silly now, doesn't it? :) I love it when things become so crystal clear.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Blue - that's a good way of looking at it. Its a nice feeling :)

long red - Spot on you know. It just clicks and there's no worrying. Its lovely.

 

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