Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Oh - I think a lump of my brain just disintergrated and fell onto the floor.

My job and the majority of the people I work with bore me to the point of tears.

I seem to have become the resident 'tech expert' at the Little School of Horrors. This is because I can successfully insert an image into a word document and move it around, and put photos from a camera onto the computer. I now answer to the regular call of "JO??? WHERE'S JO?? JOOOOO??? Ask Jo. She'll know"

Which is fine, nay, mildly flattering. I know my way around a computer, can do things quickly and am clearly all down with the kids n that when it comes to all this newfangled internet stuff. The fact that people recognise this and see me as a port of call when things go wrong makes me feel like I have some purpose other than being a skinny, biscuit eating, paperwork driven donkey with an enviable selection of stationary.

Thing is, people take the piss. When you've shown someone how to do something ten times yet they still can't grasp the concept, or when they don't even want to know how to do it because you can - they're either not listening or can't be bothered to learn. This, coming from teachers who spend all day telling kids "there's no such word as can't" strikes me as fairly hypocritical.

I try not to be rude. I don't like being rude, but when they don't even attempt something before calling you, or, as someone did this afternoon, thrust their phone and a USB cable into your hand so that you can put (your Kings of Leon) music onto it because "you'll know how" and refuse to listen to how they might go about doing it themselves - I start getting annoyed. Software these days usually has very straightforward instructions because every man and their 3 year old has a mobile phone, so everyone aged 3-303 has to be given a shot at using its functions. If they've had a go, but genuinely can't get their head around it - then fine, gissa shout. Otherwise, seriously, tell someone who cares.

I have had a mindnumbingly boring day, brightened only by the 30 seconds it took to eat a pancake. Frustration kicked in at 8:30am, and I'm not even a donkey any more. Just a donk.

Ladies and gentlemen, please. Paste your anecdotes, youtube videos, poems, jokes, one word summaries of your day, life stories, photos of your one pawed cat, or (preferably) alternative words for 'vagina' in the box below.

I am so BORED and only you (and possibly some more pancakes, with sugar and lemon) can turn this day around.

30 comments:

James said...

I completely feel your pain on the people just not wanting to learn how to do something. I get it all the time and it drives me bonkers!

The thing is they assume everything takes 30seconds for me, when usually (probably because of my incompetence) it turns into one big faff fest, and I end up in a right huff.

Binocular Football => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Do you work in a geriatric ward?

Do you know what would be REALLY boring? Losing your job and not having any sort of income whatsoever so that you CAN’T afford to do anything. It would be the end of Nights in London.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

James - Spot on mate. Thats exactly the situation: half the time when I can't do something, there's ends up being around 30 people gathered around one screen all trying to put page numbers on a word document. faff fest indeed. Thanks for the linkage... that video is bloody hilarious. You get full points for laughage, plus I just went into my sisters room and we sat there pissing ourselves at it too. (not literally) Nice one!

Unbearable - It is a geriatric ward of sorts, yes. Although geriatrics probably have more fun than I do. I am being a wholly ungrateful sod whinging about my job when lots of people are losing theirs, point taken, but sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind in this job. I want a job that I value, I want to do something that I'm worried about losing.

ninetyninewords said...

Flange. Well, easier than writing a joke, youtube link or writing a poem.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I see your 'flange', and raise you a 'front bum'.

Anyone else? It's a fun game once you get into it, I promise.

Anonymous said...

fu fu

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Ooh, controversial.

Kebab?

ninetyninewords said...

Ahem, love glove.

pinkjellybaby said...

minge is the funniest, no?
But I'll raise you a vijayjay (sp?)

pinkjellybaby said...

flaps

which is just wrong

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Not as wrong as....

....

...

Snatch.

HA!

ninetyninewords said...

Fish factory.

Check.

pinkjellybaby said...

ewww!!

beef curtains.... word. I win I think

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

Can I join in with a quick `quim'?

And exit with an `axe wound'?

pinkyvonne said...

growler

ninetyninewords said...

Gash.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Yowza. You lot are on FIRE...









(fanjita)

Huw said...

Good evening.

Tampon Socket.

cynicalscribble said...

Spunk Bucket
or
Wizards Sleeve

carry on...

ninetyninewords said...

Fur burger.

Grump said...

I see from above, the alternative words for Virgina are plentiful and varied. I think Fanny used to be popular, though not mentioned above. I think the other bit that joins in can be known as John Thomas. We can thank DH Lawrence for those bon mots.
Saw you on twitter but no longer twittering for the night. Oh and that reminds me of another possible naming. TWAT.
x

fwengebola said...

Most of my favourites have been used, but I'd upgrade to kidney-wiping axe-wound, something I heard when I was younger, even if it's not wholly accurate.

It's "As large as a Wizard's Sleeve", normally, but I prefer "as small as a mouse's ear."

Anyone said 'Muff' yet?

Brennig said...

I hate people who are stupid. I was in the library a couple of weeks ago looking up a thing and a guy wandered up to me. 'How do I use this terminal?' he asked, obviously mistaking me for Mr Fucking Knowitall Off The Street.

'Just put your library card number in and off you go' was my reply.

Too fucking complicated for him by far. Three minutes of tutting later he said 'I can't seen to get it out'.

Yes indeed. Mr Numpty-brain had inserted his library card in the A Drive slot.

My favourite alternate for vagina in this blatant piece of google-caching is Tony Blair. Thanks. I feel better now.

pinkjellybaby said...

HAHAHAH @ growler!

weenie said...

Lazy gits should learn how to do stuff themselves.

Anyway, back on topic - front bottom

weenie said...

And nobody mentioned 'beaver'?

My best mate got mixed up once and said 'badger' instead...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

You lot are good at this game...personal favourites so far are growler (how could I have forgotten that one?) and wizard sleeve.

Front bum's been done.

Beaver is another wonderful choice.

Particularly liking the old skool suggestions from Grump, DH Lawrence was a dirty little so and so wasn't he?!

Brennig, I feel your pain on that one. Oh the things I've seen in this job, people complaining the photocopiers broken when it's out of paper...blah blah. The list is endless.

Drink from a furry cup, anyone?

Papercuts said...

Ladygarden. Front bottom. Sideways hamburger. Velvet underground. Split-arse.

Oh, and has anyone mentioned 'fish taco'?

I love this game!

In anticipation of the next round, may I also add spam javelin, pork sword and purple-headed custard chucker?

blueskies2day said...

I'm a bit late, sorry.

I quote a transvestite: "I don't know how straight men can put their faces down there. It looks like a pigeon that's been run over."

Also, punani.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Papercuts - Sideways hamburger = epic.
Same time next week for the willy game, I think...

blueskies - Haha! Great quote. And Ali G's finest word, how could I forget?

 

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