Friday, 31 October 2008

Time to self indulge

Today I took the day off work. I decided yesterday after another quiet day in the office that someone else could answer the 5 calls I'll probably receive today, and the girls were happy to help out. These are the nicest people I've ever worked with. Tuesday one of them made the disasterous mistake of asking how I was, at which I promptly burst into tears. Later, another of the girls came over with a pot of flowers for my desk to cheer me up. It worked.

I feel like I've hardly had any time to myself this week, no time to let everything sink in. The mornings are the hardest when I wake up, usually after a dream involving him, and I slowly remember what's happened and that it's 7am and I have to get up - double trouble. Being at work surrounded by people I can have a laugh with has made me feel normal, but I just kept feeling like I need just a day to think things through on my own and react how I want, without worrying about having puffy eyes the next day or someone in the house or at work catching me being unhappy and trying to rectify it.

So last night I got in from work, watched Eastenders and then ran a bath with bubbles, candles, dimmed lights, a glass of wine and a gripping but easy to read book I'd picked up from a Camden charity shop earlier in the day. I went to bed early and slept through, waking up as usual at 7am, read some more, then going back to sleep until later on.

Today Facebook tells me that I've been tagged in photos he's put up. It's partly the memories these things evoke that makes me sad; the holidays, the nights out with friends, and partly the fact that I know there are other photos from the same set that he's left out, ones of me and him. I cry and a few minutes later, almost on cue, my phone rings with someone checking I'm ok.

Living at home, with a full time job and attentive friends, it's easy to forget that I need to have time to myself. Today I'm going to indulge myself so that I can have a good weekend and start next week afresh, get into my head that my life doesn't depend on someone elses any more.

But seeing as it's 1:15pm now, I should probably get up and get dressed. I'm single, not a student.



AFC 30K said...

What to say..... Breaking up is always hard, if there is a short cut around the heartache then I haven't found it. The fact that you can now do things to please yourself and the prospect of the joys that life will hold in the future is always something good to hold on to.

Everyone will tell you but it is so very true, just when your not looking for it love will reappear and take you completely by surprise.

Have a great day.

blueskies2day said...

It sounds like you know just what you need for today. I hope you have a lovely day! :)

I just put Pride and Prejudice on (neither singledom or studentness allow me this indulgence... but I just felt like it) and I'm wearing fluffy socks, which is always nice.

Happy Halloween :)

Elaine said...

I'll be doing the same as you tomorrow. I feel for you. x

Time traveller said...

I did exactly the same thing a couple of weeks ago. A day to myself, weekends don't count.

You sound like you're dealing with this though, good for you.

Tagging photos etc, boys are so clueless.

Stay strong ... x

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Women move past these things much quicker than men do. It's true! Sometimes, it takes men YEARS to get past it. Women hit rock bottom hard but then rise like a Phoenix soon thereafter.

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

Feeling blue post-breakup is an awful time for everyone. Whilst, obviously, the post-break up person is going through the agonies, I've found that those closest are unsure whether to try and buck you up, or to leave you alone in case you just want to be sad for a bit ...

No-one can ever work out what to do with me. I crave company in this type of situation but then find myself quickly irritated by whoever's decided to volunteer their services (in trying to make me feel better) and end up snarling at them to `go and do one'. Yet, when they've gone, I crave company again.

Gah - it's a horrid time. I feel for you Jo :(

Clarissa said...


Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

afc - Thanks. Love is the last thing I'm looking for at the moment. I hope it doesn't turn up!

blueskies - Fluffy socks...I'm in need of those.

elaine - Enjoy today!

time traveller - I think everyone needs a day like that every once in a while, break up or not.

unbearable - I'm fine for a few days then I's going to be a long process!

m.o.t - Thats the thing, when I keep busy all the time I'm ok and I don't think about things. When I'm on my own I love it, but then I immediately want someone there again.

Thanks clarissa :)

weenie said...

My heart goes out to you - breaking up is extremely tough but cliche aside, us gals are a hardy breed despite our tears and you will get over it.

It took me a while to get over my breakup - keeping yourself busy and surrounding yourself with friends and family can help loads.

Sometimes trying something new and different, be it visiting a new place or starting a new hobby, something which you never shared with him so there are no sad memories, can maybe help you move on and you will meet new people, make new friends.

Chin up!

Mjohnson said...

Surely what you need is a brisk debate on the merits of food in the cinema. I mean surely that is enough to take your mind of things, I mean come on . . .

. . . OK perhaps not.

jo said...

i feel you girl. even though i guess i can't say that i broke up 'coz that would imply that there was actual relationship to break up from as opposed to just a pseudo one. but the pain. yeah. no fun.

hope you enjoyed your day off.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

weenie - I'm making a bloody big list of things I want to do that I haven't got round to doing. Lose a boyfriend, gain a holiday, I say ;)

mjohnson - I'm not done with you on that one. Got sidetracked by emotion this week, but I'll be back on argumentative form soon. Library is nothing like a cinema!

jo - Ah the feelings are the same whether it's 2 weeks or 2 years I think.

Belle said...

Jo- Feeling for you, hopefully anonymous web friends best wishes help!
Im also needing a day like that, nearly took it today but my guilt got the better of me.
Weathers good here (oz)so the beach might be in order..... some day this week i reckon!
Time travellers right, weekends dont count!

'lose a boyfriend, gain a holiday' - love it!


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