Monday, 24 August 2015

Sitting with the news

Well then, let's see.

You know it's not going to be Good News because you've received the Bad News Preparation text; a variation of "ring me when you've got a quiet few minutes" or "we have the results, let me know when you're around".

So you duly find a spare meeting room at work, soundproof, bare; a sheet of frosted glass between you and 70-odd people beginning their day.

You scroll to D, press call, say hello. Alright?

And then the News comes.

It is gentle Bad News. Expected in some ways, not that it makes the reality any easier to hear.

It is contemplative News; it elicits silent inevitable tears, but no immediate action: there's nowhere to rush to, no hospital to attend, no funeral to plan, no shouting to be done.

Nothing tangible from last night to this morning has changed.

It is the sort of News where you are required to be calm, and kind, and patient, even though you feel anything but. You are worried about them, and a little bit (selfishly) worried about you.

It is News where you need very close friends to appear, and so they do, without question.

They let you lie on their floor when you've extracted yourself from the meeting room, past the curious eyes, and into their flat where their baby grips your little finger, and you wonder what to do next.

(Nothing for now, they say, no research. No Googling. Just let it sink in)

Friends appear and sit next to you on the sofa and watch mindless TV. They squeeze your hand. Hug you tightly. Invite you to eat lunch, take you out in the evening, get you extremely drunk and then safely home, checking in the next day.

They walk with you, and listen while you babble thoughts, or laugh, or talk about other stuff as if there's been no News - bad or otherwise - at all. 

In the week that follows you learn that this sort of News makes you angry, and frustrated, and sad, and upset, and raises questions, and skepticism, and an anxiousness that spreads into every corner, but on top of all that, there's something else.

Because aside from all this, News has always brought knowledge, understanding and awareness, and although you don't quite understand yet, you are now aware, softened by it.

And so you just sit with it. Because for now, that is all the News requires.

(As an after thought: I'm not purposely being suspenseful here, I'm just not ready to get opinions and information yet on the specific thing. Hence for now it will just be referred to as the "News")


Exile on Pain Street said...

In the past two months, my best pal ever and two sisters lost their jobs. My male intuition (ha) tells me your news is along those lines. No, nobody is dying or sick, but it's pretty awful stuff to wrestle with, nonetheless.

nuttycow said...

I don't know what the news is but I empathise none the less, if only because I can feel the pain in this post. I hope it's all turned out ok, or as ok as it can be.

You know where I am.

Anonymous said...

I hope all is okay Jo, you have a lot of virtual friends here if you need.

looby said...

Me too -- sending a little virtual hug from Lancashire.

Chapati said...

many hugs!

London-Lass said...

I'm sorry about your news but glad you have a good support network of close buddies for the time being.

Perhaps as time passes you might want to share more. Or perhaps not. We are not the important folk who can take care of you IRL.


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