Before pressing publish on a blog post, there's always a little moment of apprehension.
1) Would my friends lynch me for writing this?
2) Will my parents think WTF?
3) Am I going to get internet tomatoes thrown at me in the comments?
Sometimes the answer is "yes", and it stays in draft. Other times it's "yes", and I post it anyway. Then lose some friends.
There's also a number 4) the worry that no matter how much I try and explain myself, you just won't get it, simply because you're not me. Ain't your fault, like. Just how it is.
And that's a bit how I feel when I say that next Tuesday, I'm going on a date with a good looking bloke who's been keenly texting me since last night (after a four day taste of my own medicine). And despite him seeming nice and even telling me he likes dogs, I am dreading it.
Not dreading it in the way how we all get the heebiejeebies before a date; not the "will he like me" nerves. Not a "what shall I wear!" conundrum. Not worried that I won't fancy him; I did. He's hot. It's the sort of dreading it where you simply don't want to go on a date, but you end up going because you can't really find a valid, non-wanky sounding excuse not to.
Eye contact across a room. Flirting in a pub. This, I can do.
But given the difficulties I've had in replying to messages online and, now, off (average text reply time last night? Hour and a half), something tells me a date is probably walking before I can run. But at the same time, it would have felt really stupid, given that I've been replying to his messages, saying "No thanks".
Because nothing changes the fact that I'm still content being single. Me, some hot dresses and my healing heart are the only thing I'm interested in getting acquainted with. At time of posting, I don't really miss curling up on the sofa with someone. I don't want nights in in front of the TV, holding hands or nightly phonecalls. I don't even - whisper it - miss the sex (cue parents, friends, everyone in the world: "WTF?").
What's a date if it's not a prelude, or at least an indication, that you want to do that stuff?
I've been nervous about dates before. I've worried about what to wear; whether they'll like me. I've watched my phone anxiously, then replied within minutes. Fact is, the prelude to those kind of dates has never felt like this.
And I'm not sure if you'll understand that; single, heartbroken, happily attached, whatever you are - unless you're me.
7 comments:
I get it. I get it completely. Much as it sounds a bit cliched (but only because it's overused as an excuse), you're not in "that place". Fair enough.
Go, see how it is. It might be what you expect, in which case explain you're not after the holding hands and the sofa and the sex. It might not be, and that'd be unexpectedly good.
But don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone who's been heartbroken has been there x
hahaha I've been in this situation... In fact, I'm sort of it in right now... Except I went on that date and one date that isn't horrific leads to more texts and awkward "I'm busy's"... let me tell you... they're hard to bat off.
HOWEVER, dates are always good... experiences... for meeting a new personality and maybe learning something from their life experiences or hearing a cringy joke you can tell your friends. And if you're worried that he'll be too keen for a follow up. Just belch or lick a napkin and wipe his face.
Tales from South of the River
"There's also a number 4) the worry that no matter how much I try and explain myself, you just won't get it, simply because you're not me. Ain't your fault, like. Just how it is."
Good point. Well made.
Anyway, if you do decide to go next week hope you have a good time. And just cos you've agreed to meet him dont mean you're signing a contract of commitment to him. But you already know that. Just see it as an excuse to wear one of your hot dresses, drink wine and have a chat with someone new. Failing that, you could instead text him to say you're feeling unwell, and then spend the evening at home with 80s movies and M&Ms.
Either option sounds good to me.
I get it. I feel exactly the same way right now. I met a really lovely guy a month or two ago and we got on really well but as soon as it seemed like he was going to make a move I got that same feeling of dread you describe. In fact I felt physically sick and ran away.
In your shoes I probably wouldn't go but everyone else puts forward a great case for why you should and Blonde even makes it sound easy to deal with the aftermath of it being bad. Jo the Fearless innit!
You are what you are; you feel what you feel.
If you don't want to go, then let that be your reason. It's a valid reason, and being brutal, this chap will get over it*. Don't be pressured by circumstance and momentum to move to a place you don't want to go. Hell, if you don't want to tell him, give me his number and I'll tell him!
Obligation is a terrible thing, don't let it dominate your life. Find the place where you feel content, happy and secure. If that place doesn't involve others then that's fine - don't beat yourself up over it.
Take care lass
M
*probably with beer and flirting with another girl. Sorry, we're shallow like that.
I know what you mean. About 5 or so years ago I was completely not interested in that sort of thing, I decided I wanted to just be single for a while. Then I met someone, fell head over heels in love with him and we're a solid couple now. I wasn't looking, wasn't expecting, we just happened to meet then. In some ways, it's probably better than when you're feeling like you 'need' to have a boyfriend, cos you'll put up with a crappy option. If you meet someone who interests you and it isn't about need, then you know it's definitely want.
Blonde - You'd think everyone would get it, wouldn't you, if they'd been heartbroken. But turns out a helluva lot of people just want a new boyfriend, and don't understand why I don't. Ho hum. Refreshing to hear you understand where I'm coming from.
Melan - Exactly, I'm thinking "Ok, I can go along to this one" but then it's just opening a whole can of worms. My reluctance now means I probably won't be myself, probably won't want a 2nd date, probably will feel worse saying no thanks...bah.
London Lass - The second option is sounding more and more appealing by the day.
Leigh - Argh, I'm really teetering on just ducking out at the moment. I just can't get my head around liking someone at the moment. Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not absolutely bonkers.
model - You're right. Very right. I'm having second thoughts about going on the date. I don't even want to have text conversations, let alone face to face. Just seems like too much effort. So! 0778...
Burgundy - That's it, I think. All the other times I haven't really been looking but have been in the sort of mind frame where I like the guy and want to give it a go. I have a good instinct, and this just doesnt feel right.
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