The worst thing about arguing with your boyfriend isn't yelling.
It's not the tears, the tantrums and the silent treatment. It's not storming off then realising you don't have a door to slam. Or storming off when you have nowhere to storm off to. The worst thing about arguing is when your boyfriend says those two little infuriating words, from which there is no return:
"Chill out"
The minute he says that, it's game over. You might not have been angry before, you might just be feeling the tinge of annoyance. All he has to do is change the subject. Talk about the weather. Let it go. Instead, he says "Chill out!", and now there can only be one response.
Anger.
And a hearty shout of "Don't yoooou tell me to CHILL OUT."
See, boyfriends? See how it has the opposite effect? It's like when you're in a really shit club and some drunken fool having a better time than you are comes over, spills their drink on your shoes and yells "Smiiiiile!" with his beery breath. It doesn't make you smile. It makes you want to unleash the fury into his grinning little face, then plant a stiletto heel firmly onto his foot.
In short, saying "chill out" will make your girlfriend's voice rise to frequencies heard only by sea mammals. And just because she is now officially angry, you may feel that your next insistence that she "chill out" is perhaps justified. It's not. Because then comes that bit where the argument splits off; suddenly, you're not arguing over the fact that your phone is shit and he can't hear you because the full signal inexplicably drops every two seconds even though you're not moving (I'm looking at you, HTC Wildfire), you're arguing because he told you to chill out when you weren't even angry.
"But you were!" he claims, exasperated and confused.
"No, I wasn't." you reply, indignant. "But I am now."
It's a learning curve. A few more times, and I think we'll have nipped this one in the bud.
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15 comments:
Your recent posts have been like watching a slow-motion car wreck.
I've been doing this for nearly 6 years, and still haven't learned.
And my admonitions to "just relax" invariably have the effect you describe...
Positive reinforcement, like training puppies.
A whack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper the next time he does it; a Boneo when he doesn't.
They will also never get that when we say 'fine'...things really aren't fine.
Unbearable - Well, we all love to drive slow and ogle at one of those once in a while.
Rage - Yep, "Just relax", or "Stop overreacting"...6 years? Ok, I need to start being more firm.
Blonde - Sterling advice. I have a bag of Bonios ready at home. The labs won't mind.
PJB - And that "Agent Provocateur is lovely, but it's too expensive" doesn't mean "Don't buy it for me"
I particularly hate "calm down". Destined to make me even more annoyed.
Btw instead of the rolled up newspaper I prefer the water spray technique, as in training kittens.
Woah, chillax babe.
Bad first comment?
so TRUE.
when will boyfriends ever learn?
Oh, for gods sake, just chill out....
I tell Wifey to stop getting so angry, but she then gets angry which makes me get angry and then she get's angry that i've made her angry which as made me get angry.
This normally ends (may be once a year) with fine, we'll get divorced then.
We still haven't divorced (mind you neither of us wants custody of the kids......)
At least he didn't hint that it was that time of the month.
What's worse, "chill out" or, simply, "chill"? I say the latter. Ugh.
I just bought a Wildfire too... hating it so far.
Men; they're all the bloody same.
What you have to remember is that for men to say that to other men, it's a friendly reminder that the expression of their woes may be getting elevated to inappropriate levels.
The only correct course of action, on being chill outed, is to say, 'Of course, you're right, I'm sorry', and shake hands.
See? Simple. Not "simples" as I'm not a retard, but 'Simple'.
Omg i was JUST told this..like 5 mins. Which is weird because he is the one that usually storms off in a ball of fury. But once i heard "chill tha funk out bby"...i was like...evil smirk..i wasnt angry...but now i am...men,men,men. Not all though, i can forgive because he's my fiance and ive been his first for everything. But he has to learn the simple rules of dos and donts. :)
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