It's been a strange week.
The weird, unsettled feeling in my stomach has yet to go away. Although to be fair on the Boyfriend, he has been trying to make amends. He did, in the end, come with me to the cinema last night; leaving his work mates to get pissed without him and cooking dinner to boot.
We walked through Soho with our arms around each other, laughing about our first dates which we spent mostly wondering aimlessly around central London. On the way home, he passed comment on how the past week had "been shit". It was, I insisted, a learning curve. An adjustment. A blip. It's a big change, I said, suddenly living with someone. We'll be alright.
"I hope so" he replied.
I'd spent yesterday filling up my diary with friends, determined not to be the cliche at home each night, filling up with high expectations, waiting for him to come home. The worst thing about feeling paranoid and insecure is the knowledge that it's entirely down to someone else. Reading into his words, his actions, his odd moods; it's scary how much your happiness becomes reliant on another person.
When me and my ex broke up, I always said I wasn't going to let anyone make me feel insecure again. And I stick by that - if this feeling in my stomach is going to be a regular or long term occurance, forget it. Been there. Done that.
But then I've never moved in with a boyfriend before - and although it never felt like a big step, I'm pretty sure there's always a period of doubt that comes hand in hand with it. Mine came in the weeks leading up to the move.
His, perhaps, is happening now.
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9 comments:
It *will* get better. I've been living with my Boyf for 8 months now and at times have felt very insecure. As has he I am sure.
Things will settle down :)
As you've said yourself, moving in with someone is a massive change. He's just adjusting.
It is weird when you first move in with someone - it's a huge change as Blonde rightly says.
Keep talking and try not to worry.
I certainly hope nothing bad happens and I wish you well, but if it doesn't work out, do you get to keep the flat?
Not exactly a vote of confidence when he gives you the "I hope so" rather than the "Of course it will" or if he's from Liverpool - "deffo!". For the sake of your own sanity try to push it to the back of your mind so that every little speed bump doesn't get magnified into the day the earth stood still. Keep taking those deep breaths, focus on the positive and try to keep perspective. This ends the agony aunt portion of the response.
treacle - That's a reassuring comment. It's early days, so I have to give it the benefit of the doubt.
blonde - To quote him, "I hope so"
nutty - Yeah, at least we've both admitted this week has been weird. It started off so well, I'm not sure what happened.
Unbearable - I'm not even going to answer that question ;)
jman - Yeah, the "I hope so" didn't go unnoticed by me either. I countered it with "Check you out, mr. positivity" But I let it slide for now. I'll give it time.
I am sure it is him adjusting to you guys living together. It is a big step. I've been there.. done it.. still doing it in fact... after 2 years it just gets annoying and you wish you'd bought two houses next door to each other haha!! Kidding... sort of.. sometimes..
I think you are doing the right thing - fill the social calendar and eventually he will adjust :)
Haha two places next door to each other is a good idea, except then I probably wouldn't get bacon sandwiches made for me in the morning ;)
I'm sure it is just a period of adjustment he's going through. I wouldn't worry too much.
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