Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Collective Will

I've got The Fear.

It crept up on me today as I sat at my desk, reading an email about like…I don't know, pencils or something. Literally crept. Norman Bates has got nothing on The Fear when it comes to nipping up behind you, factimus exactimus. It's too late for a 'what were you thinking' moment, because it's done. Booked. Sorted. Now, all I can worry about is stuff like accommodation. Money. Christmas. New Year. Whether to get a working holiday visa in New Zealand; or whether I'll waste it like I did my Australian one (by err, only doing the 'Holiday' bit of a 'Working Holiday'. Whoops).

Then I have Time Fear. Like oh, shiz. We're half way through September already. Time's flying by in weeks, not days. It's taking massive ostrich leaps from one Saturday to the next. If it were days running ahead of me, then fine. But it's bloody not you know, it's just not. I put it down to being at work, you see. Time is flying because every miserable sod sitting in an office is right this minute urging Friday to arrive. Its called Collective Will. You may have heard of it; it's the same thing that enables planes to take off and stay in the air. And now it's whizzing me towards the end of October.

Which brings me onto the Attachment Fear. I'm not attached, I'm just fearing it. I'm involving myself in textual banter and the odd rendezvous, but didn't we all know this would happen? I think even I did. 11 months I've been single. 11 months of nothing but the odd drunken kiss, not a date in sight. I book a trip to break the monotony, then a week later I meet someone who I'd ideally want 5 months with instead of two. Oh, no wait…thank you Collective Will, make that 1.5. It's not going to affect any plans I've made, it's not the great love of the century, but flings and flutterings are for Summer! Not bloody Autumn.

Look. I don't want more time, I just want the time I have to slow down. So for gods sake everyone, Friday isn't going to be THAT great, can't we all just enjoy Tuesday…yeah? Big love for Wednesday? Thursday night's alright?

For me?


Kirses said...

Sorry - I'm one of the ones wishing life away...2 weeks till i finish work, 2 weeks and days until I fly to Sydney.

Then 5 whole weeks to put off worrying about finding a job and somewhere to live..

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I certainly knew it would happen and I'm no smarty-pants. It's what always happens, isn't it? Cursed fate. Is it out of the question to add another airline ticket?

Elaine said...

Nah. And not wanting to sound like an Oprah or Ricky wannabe....you go girl. x

sas said...

if you need tips for NZ email me :)

QueenBee said...

I really enjoy your blog - keep it coming!

Anonymous said...

aw thats not fair. ive been thinking about wishing your life away type things alot lately- i only get to spend every other weekend with my boyfriend, so thursdays are my fridays. and its only tuesday!

Ellie said...

Oh, man. The Fear. I'm making some plans too. They are not so different from yours. And The Fear has come visiting, but it's passed ... and I'm sorry but I wish it were Friday! x, e

Anonymous said...

Is collective will the opposite of collective won't or is that something else altogether?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Kirses - Ahh, you're allowed I suppose seeing as you're headed the same direction I am. I hope it all goes well for you.

Unbearable - Not completely out of the question, but yes...pretty out of the question. Does that make sense? Not really. Like flights have been looked at, but it's unlikely. ££

Elaine - OH yeah girlfriend! High five!

sas - Merci buckets, duly noted...

QueenBee - I intend to. And thank you, that's a nice comment.

monkey typist - Ah, been there done that. Know the longing...suppose I could make an exception for you, too.

Ellie - NO NO NO. Stop wishing! Travel plans in the pipeline? Exciting...I Love The World, new blog perhaps?

ninety - Haha, I like that. I'm hoping for some collective Won't in that case.

Chris Allin said...

I definitely know how you feel about time. It slips away without realising and you remember you still have a lot to organise. Today I realised I needed to visit the tax office before my trip, thing keep coming day by day. What do I need to buy? What cover do I need?

All I can say is, good luck.

My current relationship, which is two and a half years strong now, was born out of exactly the same situation. You never know what's going to happen.


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