Sunday, 9 August 2009

An explanation

06 August, 2009 01:53 The Unbearable Banishment said...
Well, you don't have to tell your friends what you're up to but you can certainly let us in on it. How long will you make us wait?

I should probably just mention, I'm not withholding my future plans to create some weird bloggish suspense. In fact, if today was the 16th May 2009, I would have shared my plans outright; safe in the knowledge that the information would go no further. But it's August now, init? Things have changed, mon petit morse.

Nearly 2 and a half months ago, two people I know in real life found this blog. The first person was someone I had been struggling to tolerate for a couple of years now. She then informed another, who I considered a very good friend but had been the catalyst for a recent post about being let down. They read posts that named no names, recognised themselves and applied the sentiments to today. They clicked on the 'Relationships' label. Here, and this hurts the most, they read my thoughts about the break up. One would also have read posts about herself, as a friend that I had distanced myself from and no longer felt close to. A handful of issues that I couldn't resolve until I'd written them down. As bloggers, that's a process I don't have to explain to you. When I removed the posts they continually searched for, they carried on looking for them - sometimes for 45 minutes at a time. The visits have fizzled now, but Stat counter informs me of every time they've been on this blog, what they've looked for and read. The locations tie in with areas of the country they have visited. Most of my friends know I have an anonymous blog. As such, I liken the situation to leaving your diary on a table in front of close friends, one of them picking it up, having a read and passing it on to another. Then getting pissed off about what they find.

Those are the facts. I've written over 500 posts since 2006. A lot has happened in that time, yet I've moaned about Fearne bloody Cotton more times than I have my friends. I know this. Long time readers, you'll know this.

As for what they think, it's all guess work. Oh, and the odd facebook status from one of them, but I'd expect nothing less:

(The fact that this girl will only be happy for me when I'm single, morbidly obese and festering on the Ugly Tree is a moot point.)

Anyway. This has largely unaffected the posts I've written since, but not posting about this situation (which has been weighing on my mind) seemed alien. It's a something all my friends are aware of, whether it's spoken about or not. Ergo, I can write about it. Much like the other things they've read, it won't be news to anyone in real life.

When you hear what I'm going to do, you probably won't be amazed. You'll probably think "Oh, is that it?". But at the moment, I can't share my plans because my friends don't know about it yet, and I don't want them to. Not because I want to keep you in the dark.

And that, my dears, will always be the rule.


Kirses said...

sometimes i wish my blog was anonymous, shame i have such a big mouth..

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Sometimes I wish mine wasn't.

But hey ho...swings and roundabouts.

Anonymous said...

I'm just excited to know what it is!!

Sometimes I wish I was more anonymous too....but I'm not clever enough to do that!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I'm not sure being anonymous is a totally clever thing to do, it makes people assume you've got something to hide. I'm not sure I do any more.

You'll know soon enough miss pink jelly baby!

Brennig said...

Anonymity is a neat tool but it's not as permanent as many people believe. All too often the cloak can be whipped away leaving the 'anonymous' blogger unveiled - and probably v. embarrassed at some of the things that may have been written when the author thought they were 'safe'.

Look at all of the anonymous bloggers that have been unveiled in the last few years; anonymity can't be guaranteed these days.

It's a sad fac,t but all bloggers need to learn this truth.

Sorry, I seem to be using your blog to blog.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Now I feel a bit creepy for prying. As though I asked you to text me a photo of your panties or something weird like that. If you'll notice, my blog posts are always surface stuff. I edit.

As my sister warned, once it's in the either, you'll never get it back.

Anonymous said...

It is a great pity that the actions of a couple of your 'friends' have led to you self censoring yourself.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Brennig - Oh, I 100% agree. But in all honesty, to begin with I didn't start off being anonymous because I had anything to hide, it was more because I find it easier to write to people who I don't know and who don't know me. With facebook, myspace, google: you can't just give people your name any more. But for the more conspicuous bloggers, ie the sex bloggers, the political ones, Night Jack...there's always going to be a bigger risk.

Unbearable - Haha, don't feel like you're prying. I'm often curious and want to know more about the things I read about. The point of this post was that it's normally something I would put on my blog, as a safe haven and somewhere to discuss something. I can't do that so much any more. But it's a small price thing as this blog was never about being too personal. Everyone has friendship problems and break ups. It depends how much detail you want to go into as to how guilty you can feel when it all comes out.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Perp - Thankfully, that seems to be the general consensus with other people I've talked to. Funnily enough, those I've offered to show have said they don't want to read it.

littlemisswonders said...

No one knows about mine. I treat it as a diary, I don't want "real life" friends / family to read it. Its where I vent, or deal with something thats getting me down. re-reading them they're bloody boring but it helps me move on and stop dwelling on things.

You haven't named anyone (from what I've read), you haven't given out direct addresses or photos of friends so they can't be mad at you choosing YOUR BLOG to work out issues important to you!

my opinion on it anyways!others will differ!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Thanks littlemiss. I'd hope that most bloggers will carry that sentiment. Unfortunately, the idea of publishing something publicly on the internet in order to get private things off your chest is something that non-bloggers don't really understand. And often they're the people who take most offense to what's written.

Huw said...

Someone once complained to me about something I'd written about them. It was quite a throw away comment by my standards, but they felt I'd gone to town on them a bit. My response, and it was one they didn't have much a comeback to, was that if they really thought that was the worst thing I could possibly think to say about them, if they thought that was my best shot, me thinking I could vent without ever being found out, then they must have a really high opinion of themselves. Similarly, if you've written 500 posts and they have to search for 45 minutes in order to find something to huff and puff about, well, there can't really be much to take offence at, can there?

Anyway, will you text me a photo of your panties?

Anonymous said...

Oh I know exactly what you mean about 'real life' people reading your blog, I find it odd too. I think people express themselves in writing is different to face-to-face, and having fellow bloggers read it is cool cos you can read their thoughts too!

Elaine said...

As you know, I went from NO ONE knowing about my blog to EVERYONE knowing about it. That's when I had a bit of a crisis and contemplated taking down my nekkid pics, along with quite a few blog entries. However, I changed my mind. I am me. I'm proud of me. I stand by what I say and how I feel. And THAT was the best decision I ever made.

Having a blog is like having friends over for coffee. People get talked about. Can these two girls claim they have never spoken about you in your absence? I very much doubt it.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Huw - That's a good come back, and you're right. If you have to search for something then how easy can it be to find? Not much of a threat really, is it. Readers get a panty text after 200 comments. It's like an incentive.

(jokes, jokes...)

Chapati - I think blogging is something only bloggers understand. Which might sound obvious, but there's a lot of stuff I understand but don't necessarily take part in. If that makes sense.

Elaine - I know the answer to that question, it is undoubtedly "NO". They couldn't ever claim that. None of us could. Hell, another friend who's in on the whole thing has a similar blog herself...although that's kept very quiet indeed.

Anonymous said...

What this post is missing is whether you've figured out how they found out about this blog.

Sitemeter is an excellent tool to track hits, locations, blog links and whatnot. Narrows things down considerably if (a) you're not using this already, and (b) you become dissatisfied with the stat counter you have now. Can't tell what you use, so forgive if this is redundant.


Anonymous said...

I've had far too many issues with anonymity and "friends" finding mine... The problem is that "real life" people don't understand blogging and read it all wrong. My best friend knows mine exists but wants to know absolutely nothing about it. She just doesn't understand why I do it...

Coincidentally, this weekend when my friends were staying, while I was snoozing in my bed on Sunday morning, one of them used my laptop. One of the pages that was open from the night before was my blog... she knew it existed but never knew the address. I wonder how long it'll be until her home town appears on my stats.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Sonny - I have my theories. I have another blog which I tie to my real name and leave open to friends etc. More reviews and stuff, really. A couple of days before I realised someone had been on this one, I'd noticed the google search term appearing on the stats of both blogs. I used sidemeter before, but Stat counter is far better IMO. You can track each visitor and label them.

Roseski - Yeah, that's the thing. I've since offered to show people my blog but most of my close friends have told me they don't want to read it. That's the way it should be, really.


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