Wednesday, 8 July 2009


Ahhh, "WHY".

That great question of our life and times, gateway to knowledge and a harvest of the brain. Mmm, knowledge. Observe:

E.g. Why is e.g short for "for example"? Shouldn't it be "F.e."? Why is the sky mostly grey? Why do people insist on trying to make dungarees fashionable every couple of years? Why do British people queue so much for everything? Why do some places charge such extortionate amounts for a cup of peppermint tea, when by rights it's just hot water and a few leaves? Why does the sound of someone eating make my stomach boil with irrevocable fury? Why does the North Circular break, delaying thousands of commuters on route to work - every - single - day? Why do cyclists wear lycra on the way to work, does it really increase their speed that much?

Why when I turned up for Boxercise the other night, on the one night I decided to actually use the scathing, money grabbing arse-pit of a gym that I'm a member of straight after work and wait an hour and a quarter for a class to start, did no one turn up apart from me and another equally baffled couple? Why did the receptionist not know what was going on, where the instructor was or why it wasn't running? Why was Stability Ball, a class that requires you to be middle aged, incontinent and able to stretch yourself over a large, bouncy ball, the only other class running? Why was it full? Why on that morning, the only morning in the history of portable music, did I pack my bag and fail to include my earphones, was that the one night I had to use the gym because Boxercise inexplicably wasn't running? Why did I choose the one exercise bike next to the man sweating so profusely that a salty stream dripped from his face onto the machine, causing a puddle of bodily fluid to gather on the floor around him? Why did no one go "Mate, that's's a mop"?

And more importantly:

Why do children pick their nose and eat it? Why do adults think they can't be seen when they pick their nose and inspect it while sitting behind me in a traffic jam? Why do you use your index finger to pick your nose when you're little, then switch to a thumb when you're older?

Pick one. (Not your nose, a question.) Answer it. Make my day.


miss*H said...

Why do children pick their nose and eat it?

Simples...Because children are dirty little buggers!

here's one back at you...why are bogies green?

Anonymous said...

because e.g doesn't stand for 'for example'... it's for the Latin 'Exempli gratia' or 'example given'


Fenz said...

Why do cyclists wear lycra on the way to work, does it really increase their speed that much?

It's not about increasing speed, it's about the padded pants section and the fact that lycra isn't going to get caught in your chain. I've never understood people who cycle to work in work clothes. Sweaty crotch anyone?

Hails said...

"e.g." is short for "exempli gratia" - Latin for "for example". But - fun fact - when I'm writing it, I say "egg-zample" in my head. Always have.

Hang on, I've got another one. Adults switch to the thumb for nose-picking because they think they can subtly make it look like they're just lightly scratching the outside of the nose with their index finger. Then, while attention is diverted by this, the thumb "discreetly" slides into the nostril. Ahaaaa.... crafty!

Rage Against The Dying of the Light said...

In order:

What PJB said. Because we're in England. Because some people are strange and others can't tell the difference. Because we're not German. Because they can. Because you're not the one eating. Because too many people use the North Circular. Because they want people to know they're exercising.

Because people had better things to do. Because she probably couldn't care less. Because middle-aged and incontinent people are less likely to have better things to do of a Tuesday evening. Because mornings do that to people. Because unfit people use the gym too. Because we're not Dutch.

To irritate their parents. Because of a lack of self-awareness. Not everyone does that, maybe it's just you.


Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

Why is it when you've asked us to pick ONE and answer IT, someone's seen fit to answer the WHOLE RUDDY LOT leaving us subsequent commenters with little else to comment on - other than the fact that we've now got nothing to comment on?

And I so wanted to make your day too ...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Miss H - According to a swift (far less superior than google, but hey ho) search, "If your boogers are green, you have a problem!"

PJB - Ohhh, yeah, now thats the sort of thing as an english student that I probably should know. Knew there'd be some latin in there somewhere. 10 points.

Fenz - WOAH THERE, lycra suits have PADDED sections too? That's incredible. Maybe I can get one for my sitting on my arse at work all day. I never knew that. I thought it was all about increasing speed. I don't understand the cycle in work clothes, I thought maybe tracksuit bottoms would be the other option.

Hails - Nice deconstruction of the nose picking process there. I had suspected as much, but here's another one back at you: At what age do you switch from finger to thumb?

Rage - Oh. You got me.

MOT - I can think of more.

Why do we yawn? Why do we sneeze and what would happen if we didn't shut our eyes when we did, would our eyes pop out?

Lynx said...

I'm not sure if I've got fat thumbs or small nostrils, but it doesn't really work for me. Not that I've tried, obviously!

Kirsty said...

I naturally also picked my nose, and seemed to love doing it - but my parents told me that I'd end up looking like a gorilla if I continued. Being an avid watcher of documentaries (what a snottily swotty child!) I took fright. I can't remember what I liked about it... maybe it was the fact that I knew I shouldn't.

And I've had a strange hankering for dungarees of late. Maybe it's like an elongated menstrual cycle that hits women every 5-7 years.

Ellie said...

Better ask the full grown adult man I have witnessed picking his nose in a coffeshop in the City and eating it with no qualms at all ... disgusting! about why the kids do it. He wasn't using his thumb though. Still his index finger.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Lynx - Of course you haven't, dear ;)

Kirsty - Dungarees are bad no matter what stage of your cycle you're on :D

Ellie - That actually made me feel a little bit ill, but only because I witenessed the exact same thing on the tube once. So I glared at him until he clocked me looking, and sheepishly placed his finger back onto his lap. Dirtbags.

Anonymous said...

Why do we yawn - lots and lots of theories on that one, it seems that no one can agree on any one 'just because'
some helpful stuff

Time Traveller said...

'Why did no one go "Mate, that's's a mop"?'

hahahahaha! :')

Urmmm why do people barge through doors opened by me for me?


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