Monday, 11 May 2009

Word gets around

I don't mind real life people knowing I have a blog - I just don't want them knowing where it is. Most of my good friends know I have one, it makes for interesting conversations; they are intrigued about this secret online world where strangers offer anecdotes and advice to each other, where pseudonyms are the norm and hardly anyone - writers or blog characters - go by their real name.

Access is on a strict need to know basis. It was never a question that my boyfriend would have to know about it (now, I'm not so sure. Would I let a new boyfriend read about life with and without the old one?), in fact, I practically forced him to read it. I'm proud of this little space, how it's grown over time - it was nice to be able to share it with someone else.

The problem with giving your boyfriend access to your anonymous blog is that when you break up, you may be able to take back your belongings, but you can't erase a web address from his head - or internet history. Whilst he's assured me that he no longer reads, and I believe him, I can no longer be assured of him keeping it a secret. It's not like I can royally bollock him for such an offence any more, is it?

"So, I hear you have a blog" began the conversation at the bar with one of the boys on Friday night. Someone I definitely hadn't told. Someone I'd only met a handful of times before.
" do you know?"
"[Ex boyfriend's best friend] told me"
"And how does he know?"
"[Ex boyfriend] told him"

When I'm the one doing the telling, the information is restricted, I know what you'd need to type into google to find this place and can limit what I say accordingly. All he'd have to do is open up a webpage and tap in the address in front of our mutual friends and the cat would be out of the bag and scurrying round everyone's feet. On speed. Drinking red bull. Growing wings.

The cat belongs in that bag. It loves the bag. The bag is where the good shiz iz. Let's hope he knows how to keep a secret, eh?


Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. I know that some people that know about my blog have been loose lipped with that secret. There's nothing I can do about it.

I have been toying with the idea of just "coming out", posting a photo where you can make out who I am and saying: "Look, this is me".

The Unbearable Banishment said...

The internets (as our ex-President use to refer to it) is like the wild west. There's no sheriff to keep order. Once you put stuff out there, you can't get it back and I believe you are it's only a matter of time until you are outed. Just a thought. Sleep well. Heh-heh.

Miss Milk said...

Exes + your personal blog = HELL.

I learnt that one the hard way. :(

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Blue - Yeah I've considered it a few times, but I'd have to go through and like edit my blog. I think there's too many posts that I wouldn't want different people seeing. Imagine my uni friends all seeing the details of my break up? It'd be too weird. It's not that I've got massively offensive stuff about mates or anything, just it'd be weird for them to read stuff.

unbearable - Oh you're such a comfort! It is only a matter of time, but then you just have to weigh up how much trouble it would cause. If it's a proper bitchy blog about friends you probably have more to worry about.

Miss Milk - My ex hasn't been too bad so far. Like we're still amicable, I don't think he'd do anything on purpose. He just might let it slip. Nothing malicious - I hope.

Kirsty said...

Sigh. I switched over from a very personal blog on livejournal to here, but haven't been able to maintain any kind of anonymity, as I'd intended to do. But, I like posting my new entries to my facebook page and saying "READ!" I've just stopped writing about intensely personal stuff. Sometimes that can be frustrating. But it does force me to write about interesting things, and not use this as a confessional.
I do wonder if my exes ever drop in. I don't think anything would surprise them...

Time traveller said...

I've tried to google my own blog - putting in search terms I think 'friends' would use. I thought I was being very clever, an ex still found it. I can't do anything about it, so I try and post the way I normally would but it's not as easy as it sounds.

I've stopped telling new friends about the blog now, if they don't know they wont be tempted to find it.

All Mod Cons said...

Just over 2 years ago I told my then girlfriend about my blog. 8 months later she came down with a really deadly disease called Psycho. She still looks at my blog every few days, even now. Used to annoy me no end, but now I just give a smile out of pity and shake my head. Never again!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Kirsty - That's the thing, I could easily open it up to public but then I'd have to think about what I write all the time. I like just being able to click publish without worrying about who might be reading.

Time traveller - Yeah I should probably just stop telling people about it, but it's a big part of what I like doing you know. It's kind of a hobby. It doesn't feel normal to keep it to myself. I'd totally try and sniff out a blog if I knew a friend had one.

All Mod - Haha, ah yes, Psycho disease is deadly for blogs... and relationships, I'm guessing. Psychos are what stat counter was made for :-D

Anonymous said...

I'd still be blogging were it not for That Twat I Used To Go Out With and his posse of delusional cheerleaders.

But then I met him through the blog so I can't really complain about the invasion of privacy.

- Homer

All Mod Cons said...

Indeed...and I LOVE my statcounter! Both of them in fact!

Ellie said...

Bummer. Hopefully he gets how much it means to you and will be careful.

weenie said...

I have no idea if my ex still reads my blog. Does it bother me? Sometimes.


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