Monday, 26 January 2009

What not to say on a monday morning

You lot are all closet cat bloggers. Get your feline fix somewhere else, perverts.




I tell you what, right - at work there's this bloke, Boris. My age, married, met his wife at uni, now a youth worker at the Little School of Horrors. Introductions out the way, today he committed the cardinal sin against young women everywhere, particularly those who drive to work and therefore don't bother with the full scale make up / doing hair bit of getting ready in the morning. A bit of Touche Eclat (if you're lucky) and hey, ho, hey ho, it's off up the M1 we go.

Upon arrival in school, Boris did his usual "Hello madam" greeting around the doorway of my office, and asked how I was.

"I'm alllrigghhht" replied I, rubbing my eyes in manner of young whippersnapper at 8:30am. And that's when he said it.

"You look tired"

I glared back.

"What?" he answered, confusion evident.
"You should NEVER say that."

Here's why. Don't tell a girl she looks tired. If she looks tired, she feels tired, which means she's grumpy and will not take kindly to anything apart from the words "You are an amazing, beautiful star-like being this morning".

That, and she's probably tried to make herself not look tired. She will have attempted to cover up the puffs and bags under her eyes and whilst doing so, will be fully aware that attacking The Bags is generally futile. She may have even put eye cream on the night before and that morning to hide the evidence, convincing herself that Clinique actually works.

Telling a girl she looks tired in the morning is like pointing out a spot. We know it's there, we've tried to put concealer on it, but we've had a squeeze and the bugger's just turned a funny, scabby, mottled purple colour instead. What we'd really prefer is if everyone ignored it the way we couldn't, and not ask if we'd like some Zovirax for that nasty coldsore.

Telling a girl she looks tired achieves nothing. It doesn't make her not tired. Being tired is not something you can fix without a dark room, two slices of cucumber, a pillow and a duvet. Telling someone they look tired when they are in bed is fine. Doing it when they are up, out and at work is not. All the make up in the world cannot reduce puffy eyes, but the fact that she has tried says it all.

Yet still - people all around the world, every single day, tell other people they look tired.

Don't. Ask Boris. It's just not worth it.


fwengebola said...

You seem ratty.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

You're ratty.

Anonymous said...

Ratty my arse. Anyone who tells me I look tired deserves all the consequences my balled fist can visit upon BOTH their faces.

That is all.

PS: I was once asked, "What's that on your face?" - "A spot." - "Oh. I thought you had chicken pox. It's a really big one."

"Well thanks for that," said I. "My skin will clear up one day, but you'll still be old and wrinkled."

Don't mess with the Papercuts.

That is all.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I can beat that, Papercuts. Aged 15 in the car with my dad. I had the most horrendous acne. Self conscious, feeling awful and absolutely mortified at my ugly appearance, we pulled up alongside an elderly neighbour in our road, who poked his head in the car and after a few pleasantries, asked (mentioning towards my face) "Is that some sort of illness, or just growing up?"

Awkward. His wife came round later to apologise. "Darling, I think I've just insulted the neighbour's spotty child"

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Look. We’re just a bunch of guys. Nothing more. We are not a malicious or mean-spirited bunch. We’re loveable but, at times, not very evolved. I can assure you that he meant NOTHING by the comment. He may have actually meant his comment to show what we commonly refer to as “concern.” Ha, I know. You took it and ran in the opposite direction.

Grump said...

Just read the last page of posts, only takes me a couple of months to catch up on your blog. Just want to say loved it as usual. I know how you feel about loosing passwords and IDs. I too carry old receipts in my wallet and wonder what I was thinking buying that top or pants.
Thanks for the read and the laugh.
Mark x

Brennig said...

I was just going to say... you look tired. But thanks for the warning. I'll not go there now.


Would you like something for that zit?

Anonymous said...

ha, kind of like the 'youre looking well' translates as 'you look fat' thing

Robbie said...

"You are an amazing, beautiful star-like being this morning"
I'll have to try that at some point.
Not exculsively on you.

You are an amazing, beautiful star-like being this morning Jo.

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate puffy eyes. Since i've been here, I've had them constantly..and it's not like I don't sleep! I just don't get it :(

But my, you look wonderfully radiant today!

Anonymous said...

Jo, you're beauty is so dazzling this morning, that I am having to write this wearing sunglasses.

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

O, yes, I've had this too. Usually combined with a sort of `Yeuch!' type expression - as if what they'd really wanted to say was something more like : `God dont you look FOUL this morning'.

Following my little (cough) minor op last year, on my return to work a wife of one of my bosses (for she is a bitch) looked at me with that `Yeuch!' expression. Bracing myself for a remark about looking tired (which I actually felt) she instead treated me to : `My word. You almost look grey.'

Beat that.

weenie said...

There's a guy at work who's commented a couple of times that I've looked tired. But I forgive him cos in return, I do call him a 'fat Geordie b*stard' and laugh at his crap football team, so we're quits.

CatsPuke said...

Amen to that! I hate when people say that to me in the morning... sadly its very often.

CP x

Elaine said...

Fancy a fuck, Jo?

Nah, that doesn't work either, does it.


Homer said...

But I've found some people love being told they look tired - gives them an opportunity to boast about how hard they're working/ how excellent the sex with their new partner is.

Miss Maturity said...

I don't mind being told I look tired to be honest.
Although what I hate is that I, like you, tend to pull a brush through my hair, bit of touche eclat, mascara and go (sleep is waaay more important).
Then the day I actually bother to get ready multiple people turn around and go 'you look nice, do something different?' Or 'your hair looks REALLY nice today' you stand there and think god I must really look like a right dog around here, lol.

In other news what do you think about touche eclat? I think it's good but not as great as everyone makes out, personally.

Blonde said...

YES. Would you mind posting this everywhere you come across as a public service announcement??

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Unbearble - But that's the thing, I'm just doing my bit by broadcasting this news and hopefully no one will end up with a black eye from myself or Papercuts. Amazingly, women do this to other women too!

Grump - Thank you for visiting, and for the comment! Very nice to hear you've been having good old nose around and liking it.

Brennig - Thin ice boy, thin bloody ice.

Monkey typist - That is EXACTLY the same thing. They say one thing, and it comes across as something else entirely.

Robbie - You took the words right out of my mouth. I'll take that compliment on board.

PJB - Chronic eye bags , I know them well. Dark circles are my killer :(

Perpetual - you are too kind. What a lovely thing to say....

M.O.T - Ok, you win with that one. Grey? Bloody hell. I hope you retorted with somthing that made her go positively red.

weenie - Swings and roundabouts, they call that.

catspuke - When will they learn? Blokes and women, I'm talking about here too!

Elaine - I'm a tough nut to crack. Especially in the morning ;)

Homer - Oh I bloody hate that. it's like alright, no need to brag. Gone are the days...

Miss M - Yeah I always think that when someone says 'you look nice today'. Like what about yesterday when I did exactly the same thing? And as for Touche Eclat, I love the stuff - the trick is not to rub it in too much. I put a fair bit on then just dab with my finger. Usually does the trick.
Also, buy from feel - it's like £6 cheaper than the shops.

Blonde - With pleasure. Maybe some well positioned billboards might get the message across.

Time traveller said...

'Don't tell a girl she looks tired. If she looks tired, she feels tired, which means she's grumpy '

hahaha! Thanks for the makeup tip, wonder if it works on darks? I hate dark circles :(

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Bit of green concealer works wonders on dark circles TT. Blend it under foundation.


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