Monday, 18 January 2016

Too much talk

I've always been a firm believer on changing things you're not happy with, no matter what the time of year.

The test is simple: if there's an issue that comes up in most conversations you have, and you're not getting paid to go on TV and talk about it, then either make it happen, or make your peace.

It's not always easy to do.

Actually, fuck that: sometimes it is easy to do, sometimes change is made out to be this big thing when all you need to do is stop yourself, or put a bit of effort in, or find another topic to talk about.

Otherwise, another year goes by and you realise you've been throwing your wishes and aspirations against a wall like paint - and they look so bright on there, so vivid, and so different to the blandness of day to day life, that it's easy to think you're making things happen just by chucking it up there and saying it's so.

Talking about all the things you'd like to do, and the way you want things to be, feels good as you do it.

But unless you actually act on these things, do what you say you're going to do, follow through, you might as well not say anything at all.

It was an unexpected gift from my best friend at Christmas which reminded me that of all people, I'm as guilty of this as anyone else.

I've spent so long talking about going back, going away, putting pin points in the world. But bar a few European trips, that's all it's been: talk.

A few things have stopped me, mostly it's just being comfortable. Yet all this time my world been shrinking; quietly getting hemmed in by panics and aspirations (own the house, meet the man, have the wedding, make the kid, get bigger house) that have never, really, been mine.

And then a few days before Christmas, there it was: part present, part reminder to do what I keep saying, part peace offering after a year of rocky friendship:

A beautiful leather travel wallet, engraved with my name.


It's nothing, really, just a baby trip. A couple of days extra holiday than the contract says you're allowed to take at once.

But it's a start; a toe dip in significantly warmer water.

Make this year as the year you do the things you always say you want to do, or stop saying it and talk about something else.

I choose to put the travel wallet on my shelf where I can see it, and book the flights.


Katya said...

Love this post. This year I am finally taking the trip which I have been wanting to take and talking about taking for the past 7 years or so.

Around My Kitchen Table said...

That's so true. As I've got older I've found it vital to be honest with myself. I now ask myself what I really want, rather than trying to fit in with what other people want. Great post.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Katya - good on you. I hope you have a good time.

Around - Might as well start now, it's a good habit to get into :)


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