Monday, 25 August 2014

Are we friends yet?

For the second time in as many weeks, my body reacted like it'd been given bad news.

My phone lit up on the desk at work, his name on the screen again, and my stomach dropped an inch or two. For gods sake, what now?

The rejection had dissipated slightly in the two weeks since his original message, the one that mowed down every cliché in the field: not looking for a relationship, would be amazing to still be friends, carry on hanging out more, etc, etc, etc. The next day, my reply had been calm and honest (fuelled only slightly by gin), explaining why friends couldn't happen: because I was hurt.

So now, knowing that my day was about to be disrupted by whatever he had to say, I carried on with what I was doing. Left it there unchecked for a while until I was ready: my day will not stop for you.

Eventually I looked at the message, and stared at it, all four words and a kiss.

Are we friends yet? X

It was just a thread, nothing more. And when you hang on to threads, you get dangled - and that wasn't about to happen again.

That didn't stop replies lining up in my mind for the best part of a week, covering every emotion from sarcastic, honest, angry, witty, to mildly humourous, none of which would ever be sent.

Then one week later at the tail end of a house party, the bit when you sit on the kitchen counter and chat about the world, a friend and I talked about me being single.

"I suspect it's the sort of bloke I'm attracted to", I said, "here's a good example."

Then I showed him the text messages, trying to explain this person I really liked and his sudden departure from my life, "...and then I got this."

My friend held my phone and looked at the final message, his eyebrows furrowed. "Who even does that?" he said, seemingly angry on my behalf.

Then, before I could do anything, he'd tapped twice on the keyboard and pressed send.

When I grabbed it back and looked down, there it was; the answer I'd never have sent.

The lines of communication officially closed and all threads cut with a simple word:

no


6 comments:

last year's girl said...

That. Is. Brilliant.

Easy for me to say, yes, but you have come too far not to deserve somebody who is all in, on your (or at least shared) terms.

x

Amy said...

Excellent. The "no" response, not the situation.

You are wonderful and have wonderful people in your life. You don't need anyone who isn't going to give you what you want and need.

xx

gloria said...

You have an awesome friend. Sending you love. Xx

nuttycow said...

I like your friend. Absolutely the right response (having said that, I know I would have struggled to send it)

Much love xxx

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

last year's girl - Alas, there don't seem to be many of those about somebodies about.

Any - That's the theory ;) x

Gloria - I do and thanks x

nuttycow - I was just going to ignore it. Thus leaving it open to further attempts. When really, I should just say no.

Chapati said...

you have good will-power to not reply...I'd have made a fool out of myself! :\

 

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