Friday, 4 February 2011

Because if I don't post this, I'll contact him.

I'm not doing good today.

Yesterday I was ok, today I'm not. Getting up was a struggle. Having a shower was a struggle. So was drying my hair, putting on make up, getting dressed, packing another overnight bag and leaving the flat.

I went out with friends last night and they said all the right things. That I deserve better, that I'm being so strong, that I'll find someone else, all that. But I don't really care. Today it's not the fact that I've just broken up with my boyfriend, it's that everything has just gone to shit in a matter of days. Everything that was making up my world last week has just crashed.

Today I feel the full weight of the situation. I'm really struggling to cope. I'm in work but I want to go home, go to bed, call him and cry and shout and curl up and hibernate until this whole horrible mess goes away.

I know there's going to be bad days, I know it's not even been a week yet, I know I'm doing what's best for me, but I just can't believe all this has happened. I didn't see it coming.

It's just shit.

13 comments:

Smidge said...

Can I just say that I know how you feel? My boyfriend of 3 years(who I lived with) walked out on me last Sunday.

Two weeks later I can now face every morning without crying in the shower.

I still hurt like hell, but I am getting up and getting on with my life every day. You can do that and you will. Getting back on your feet will happen, getting over the shit won't happen for a while.

I know me telling you it will happen won't help just now, just as me hearing it from other people hasn't helped either.

Thinking of you.

nuttycow said...

As someone who has told both you and Miss S that it will get better (and, yes, I know it doesn't help, just as it didn't help when I was going through it a couple of years ago) all I can say now is keep going.

You'll get there.
x

Blonde said...

Push through. There will be ups (small, like last night) and downs (far too frequent). But you'll get there.

It doesn't stop it being shit at the moment, but it will gradually get better. xxx

theperpetualspiral said...

I went through exactly the same last year. It does sound terribly clich├ęd but it does get better.

There will come a day when you realise you haven't cried, then a day when you haven't thought about him. It just takes small baby steps xx

pikz said...

be you...let yourself go through the entire range of emotions...there will come a time not yet where you can get up and suddenly you realise you haven't thought about him for 10 mins/ a hour/ a day but give yourself the time to get there xxx

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I wish I had the perfect combination of words to make you laugh or feel better but everything that I typed and deleted was inadequate. Heartbreak is serious stuff. Don't mess around with it. Don't be too proud to get a little professional help to bridge you to sanity.

London-Lass said...

Poor Jo! :(

Just keep going, that's all you can do. Time is a great healer 'n all that, but for now - until the passage of time makes everything less raw - you've just got to hang in there (whilst consuming vast quantities of chocolate and booze, of course).

Fen said...

Keep looking forward and go easy on yourself. You're grieving, allow it to happen, it's perfectly normal. Big hugs x

jman said...

Keep trying to play the perspective card - that no matter how bad it seems there are plenty of people who would gladly trade places. If it works, it helps loosen that knot in your stomach and if it doesn't (it doesn't always), well what can't be made better with a cuppa tea, some chocolate biscuits and watching My Cousin Vinny.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

ModelofaModernMajorGeneral said...

see, this is where the intimacy of the interweb comes to a grinding halt.

To express the care that is flying your way merely sounds trite, and hallmark-ish.

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"

M

Anonymous said...

Read this blog http://www.gettingpastyourpast.com/and her book. Really helpful.

xx

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Smidge - It gives me slight hope that you're at least feeling human after two weeks. I want that to be now :(

nuttycow - I know it'll get better, it just doesn't feel that way at the moment. it's horrible. As you and many others know x

Blonde - I'll hold onto that thought x

perp - Haven't had a non-crying day yet. Fingers crossed it'll come soon.

pikz - That was the problem at work yesterday, all I wanted to do was breakdown and cry but I couldn't because I was at work. It's miserable.

Unbearable - Heartbreak is indeed serious stuff. I wish he knew just how serious it is.

Londonlass - The downside to booze is the fact that the next morning, you tend to feel even worse!

Fen - Thanks x

jman - Perspective is difficult at the moment. But I know what you mean.

model - Everything I read on here helps in some way. But even being around family and friends can't improve things, it's just me thats got to get over it all.

Anon - Thanks, I'll check it out.

redbookish said...

Hope today isn't too bad and you have some nice Saturday things to do.

Don't know if it's any consolation, but in a similar situation I was numb and in denial for at least a fortnight before I could feel anything. So going through it as you are, and getting angry is a good thing, although it's also complete carp.

 

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