Sunday, 30 January 2011

Instinct II

I still stand by it.

Your instinct is the one thing that will tell you if something is right or wrong. Paranoia isn't instinct. Instinct is the feeling that remains when you've finished sitting down, talking over your fears and his issues, resolving the situation. Instinct sticks around afterwards with nagging insistance and tells you what the problem is.

But no matter what you instinctively know deep down, nothing quite prepares you for the moment when you're lying in bed later that night and your Boyfriend says those three little words:

"There's someone else".

All the things that you suspected, the bits that didn't make sense, the snippets of information that didn't quite fit the jigsaw of what he was telling you are all confirmed.

Through all of it, your instinct is once again nodding knowingly.

But you don't care. You're in the bathroom, throwing up from the shock.

Everything has crashed.

48 comments:

soupemes said...

I have no words for you hun - other than the same questions you're no doubt asking yourself right now.

It's stupid to say "I hope you're ok" - while I do hope that, I know you're not.

If you need an e-ear, you know where I am.

Sending you love and, god, I don't know what. I'm sorry.


xx

Daisy said...

Awfuquit. So sorry that you're going through this. Useless shit phrases like "it gets better" aren't helpful are they? But it *does* get better.

Blonde said...

Oh, love. I am so, so, so sorry.

As Soupy says, I hope you're ok, but feel that might be rather futile. You know where I am if there's anything I can do.

xxxxxxxxx

roseski said...

Shit. I really hope you're ok.

What a little fucker.

Go and find someone who will look after you... Go find Mum?

Redbookish said...

Oh god, no help at all, but the feeling is familiar. Literally stomach churning and heart breaking. LIterally. Mine was "I don't love you & I can't marry you." After 4 years ... Time for a chorus of "men are bastards" (apols to the nice blokes).

breezyallatsea said...

I'm just delurking to say I'm sorry this happened.

Martin said...

What an utter bastard.

In circumstances like these, I'm happy to lend out my puppy, since I'm lost for words.

Ellie said...

oh. no.

nothing more for public forums.

will send an email.

Huw said...

Holy fuck & bloody hell.

em said...

I'm not sure what to say other than what the f**k? The little cockknuckle.
So, like everyone else, just sending my thoughts.

Leigh said...

Oh my god, you poor thing! What an absolute tosser! I really feel for you.

James said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Charlotte said...

I'm sorry.

You'll be ok though .. eventualy

xx

Jilly said...

Wow, I've been reading your blog and following your story. I praise you for being so painfully honest. I've been through something similar and I know how horrendous it is. Just remember you are amazing x

monkey typist said...

oh my god, i dont even know what to say

x

Danielle said...

So sorry to hear this--I was hoping your instinct was wrong this time. Nice of him to lay this on you right after you moved in together. You deserve better!

ess jay said...

sorry to hear that. instincts are tricky little bastards. kia kaha.

miss*H said...

I have no words. I just echo everyone else. Sending virtual hugs and please surround yourself with friends right now. And eat cake..lots and lots of cake!

Miss Milk said...

Oh my God. I am so, so sorry.

I can't think of anything else to say but that. I'm sorry.

Smidge said...

Horrible horrible feeling. Really feel for you, especially as I have just gone through something similar. xx

Miss Milk said...

Actually I do have one more thing to say. When I went through my breakup you offered an ear. The same offer is extended to you now. I'll even one up you - I'll be a lonely antipodean in London in four weeks, so if you want an *actual* hug from a complete stranger... :)

fwengebola said...

Jesus tittyfucking christ, I wasn't expecting that. And neither, obviously, were you.
There is absolutely nothing I can say. It's utter shit. I'm really sorry.

Brennig said...

Oh shitty bollocks. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You are right about instinct. I've relied on mine in the past. I feel desperately sorry for you. xxx

homer said...

So sorry for you, kiddo. Want me to hit him with a frying pan?

I_like_telly said...

I don't know what will help, and I don't actually know you, but its only been two weeks and here's what I do know already...
You are funny, articulate, frank, astute and intelligent.
This means...
You deserve WAY better
So...
You will definitely do better, and at some point you will feel better.
Until then...
Chocolate, tea, hugs, old episodes of Friends, man hating tirades
xxx

ModelofaModernMajorGeneral said...

I've just qualified in firing large amounts of artillery at a rapid rate. Send me a grid reference, and I'll sort it out for you.

And on a less glib note - I've never met you, but have huge hugs, a cuppa and all the choc you can eat

x

nuttycow said...

Oh fuck Jo. Fuck it and fuck him.

Futile hugs but know that we're all here.

x

Helen said...

Fuck. Jo. I'm so so sorry. It won't help, but I'm sending you so much love right now xx

P said...

I'm so sorry to hear this Jo. Big hugs.xx

theperpetualspiral said...

Oh Jo, I'm so, so sorry to see this.

Surround yourself with friends, and we're all thinking of you xxx

Fen said...

oh holy shit. That's horrible. I wish I could give you a big hug.
I know nothing I can say will make you feel even a tiny bit better, but it looks as though you have heaps of support, so make sure you keep reaching out honey. We're all here for you, whether in real life or in the interwebs world.
Thinking of you xox

Ella said...

Oh hun, i'm so sorry. I've honestly been biting the inside of my mouth over your last few posts hoping it was nothing. He was a little shit to move in with you if he was unsure of your relationship. Know that whatever happens you will be okay, maybe not immediately but soon (ish). I've been reading your blog since 2007 (jeez how time flies) so I feel qualified to say that I know you will be fine. I'm in east London, I am more than happy to hop on the central line to yours and beat the fuckwit for not knowing when he has a good thing going. :( Remember to keep your chin up x

Kirses said...

Very sorry to read this. Look after yourself.

Laura Jane Williams said...

My thoughts are with you. You're strong and loved and funny... whatever happens now, just know that you're ace.

x

Dan said...

Oh shit.

What a bastard.

Hails said...

Oh my God, Jo. So sorry.

I know from experience that there's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better right now, but if the number of people who care about you on your blog is anything to go by, you're not going to go through anything alone. Thinking of you.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Jo, you're my old blog buddy and if you'd like, I'll be very pleased to fly out there and mash his face in.

jman said...

Talk about bad timing!! So much for leading an honorable life. If it is any consolation (and it may not be until much later) his stupiditiy has consigned him to a life with a perenially bruised buttocks resulting from kicking himself for the rest of his life for letting the best thing that had ever happened to him slip right through his fingers.

Elaine said...

I'm so sorry, Jo.

Why the HELL did he move in with you if there was someone else on the scene? What an utter c**t.

Sending you a big hug. xxx

treacle said...

So very sorry.

Shameless said...

Feel gutted for you.
big hugs

The Author Of This said...

You know the problem with men? They have a penis. It ruins everything.

Attaching Virtual Hugs...sending...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Thank you all so much for the messages.

Last week I was paranoid about this happening, and the week before that it wasn't even an idea in my head.

It was that sudden.

Its a real comfort knowing that I have people to turn to and somewhere to vent.

Thank you xx

Rosie said...

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. So sorry. What a twat. I hope you can take some comfort in the knowledge that there is a whole army of people, both in real life and online, who are rooting for you and sending good feelings your way. Thinking of you x

Grump said...

So sorry to hear your sad news. Look after yourself. x

London-Lass said...

Just returning to the blogging sphere after a bit of a hiatus and cannot believe what I've just read. V. shocked and sorry to hear that this has happened :( Hope you're doing OK Jo.

Chapati said...

Oh dear god :( So sorry to hear about this Jo ...massive hugs.

Alexia said...

I've just caught up on all your posts...
I feel sick for you, honey. Physically sick.
Your day sounds lovely. You are lucky to be surrounded by so many dears. Stick with them. Do anything that makes you happy. I know this is what everyone says all the time but, well, it's 'cos it's true, isn't it?
Sending hugs and positive vibes your way!

 

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