Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Thoughts from a snow-capped Methven

It's difficult, isn't it? Most of us have been there, trapped in that age old blogging dilemma. We write to a public audience, but still expect privacy.

The things I write on this blog (nowadays anyway; once uncovered, never recovered) might not seem very personal. I'm not a sex blogger, I've only ever talked about my relationships when they were broken or just beginning, my real friends rarely get a mention. Emails and comments from you have expressed surprise that I should worry about it being found, given that what's written here doesn't really seem that offensive or break any huge private boundaries.

But what can I say? When I found out that my parents had been reading my blog, then saw my sister's work IP appear on the stats, I still got that horrible, sinking feeling again. Who else had they told? How long had my parents been reading? Why didn't they tell me they'd found it? Why are they so angry at my sister for telling me? And then, why couldn't they accept that this blog - even if it does only contain fairly innocent travel tails - isn't about trying to exclude them from my life, but just trying to keep a little thing I enjoy safe?

I don't want to make this blog invite only. I don't want to move to Wordpress and protect all my posts. I don't want to give up on PDEWYMO because I've spent the last 4 years watching it grow. I don't want to stop blogging. But the more real life people I know who read or have read this, the less comfortable I get with writing anything at all. And if I can't write what I want, when I want - what's the point in having a blog? I might as well write down my inner thoughts on any given situation, and e-mail a detailed account to friends and family on a daily basis. Subject: You want to know what I think? Here you go.

From where I'm sitting (a double room in a snowy little mountain hostel; a quiet calm place gearing up for NZ's ski season) the only solution is to move and start again. Which is annoying in itself. For now, while I'm travelling, I think I'll stay put, and apologise profusely in advance for boring you with the sparse details I'm happy to reveal in the meantime.

But when I get back to London (8 weeks, allegedly), with a Boyfriend and a whole new set of plans, perhaps a new start is in order. Hopefully I won't lose too many of you - the readers I actually want to have - in the process. The more I think about it, the more I realise it might be a good time to put my old university life, the ex-boyfriend, the media temp work, the broken-heart, the friendship-troubles and everything else to bed and start afresh.

After all, wasn't that kind of the point of this eight month trip to begin with?


Blonde said...

Ooof. Not an easy decision when, as you say, you've been in one place for so long. But, maybe a good thing.

It's definitely weird when people you know start reading, and as you say, it does change how you write. I'm thinking about nixing all my archives for exactly the same reason.

Maybe a fresh start might be in order? Let us know where you go, though.

Robbie said...

I'm always against people moving blogs (although that's hypocritical of me since I've been about 4 hosting sites). It's a shame you feel that you have to move but like you say, if you have to move no time is better then once you've returned from your travels and starting a fresh.

Just make sure you don't close the lid completely on your blogging as I'll miss your rants and stories lots.

Kirses said...

Ahhh Methven! I lived near there, (Tr)ashburton, for most of my teenage years...

Do let me know when you restart elsewhere blog wise

fwengebola said...

Fuck, loads of people I know read my blog. It's slightly terrifying, but then again, all the hostility and bitchiness tends to be aimed at me, and the fuckers I'm friends with rather like that.
It's up to you. Restart but tell us where you are, or be more honest and risk whatever, or go lame.
I guess them's the options.

not twitter said...

A fresh start never hurt anybody.
The old blog stays up and people can read the past but you're flying a kite somewhere else, different title, no way to google and trace.

I've had several and moved 4/5 times but I've never told family or real world friends about any. Paranoia was the biggest cause for change, damn those statcounters. Still monitor the old ones sometimes just to see who might be visiting. Haven't deleted them as I occasionally read them myself, like the diary I never kept.

Anyway, set up anew, ditch who you want, best way for peace of mind.

Perakath said...

Hope you'll give the average innocent reader a chance to follow the new blog as well.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Well, I happen to know that my family reads my blog so I tailor the posts accordingly. For instance, I would never, ever, ever reveal that I haven't...even thought I would love to discuss it and get some feedback.

Your return to London seems as appropriate a time as any to scrub this hobby. Or re-frame it.

roseski said...

Just as long as you let us know where you go..! I would die if the parents read mine and, thankfully, so far they're possibly the only people that haven't. Eesh.

Ohhhh I want to ski!

miss*H said...

it's a shame you feel you have to move it but I understand your predicament. My mum found my blog and God knows who she also passed the link to but it made me feel very very uncomfortable so I stopped blogging for a while and now I pretty much censor my blog. I have a wordpress one though so I may use that for password protecting any posts I don’t want family/friend to see. It's a shame though when blogging has to become censored but I suppose when we right such personal things on the internet it's inevitable that one day some nosy family member will find them :)

soupemes said...

Someone I know recently started following me on Twitter so I know that one of the Real Life Friends I trusted with the address has blabbed.

I can't be doing with moving again though.

If you do move, take me with you! Please!

cynicalscribble said...

If I knew people who read my stuff it'd make me uncomfortable so I understand why you'd want to move.

Leave us some bread crumbs to follow if you move though :)

Grump said...

I will stay reading so if you change address please send new link. Are you going to be skiing in NZ. Winter is upon over here in Melbourne.
Woof x

theperpetualspiral said...

I moved blogs once because my ex wife found my old one and consequently caused me a lot of issues.

Sometimes a change is good though, difficult decision though as you lose all that you've built up here.

Ellie said...

When I scurried away from my old site in the middle of the night (2 times), it hurt. But ended up better. I haven't told anyone where I live. No one I know reads it, but 1. And she tight-lipped. Wishing you the best and hope to have the chance to keep reading.

London-Lass said...

Or you could just `take a break'. For a few weeks. Or, you know, 20 months. Irregular blogging soon shakes the unwanted ones off your tail. (just a thought)

kyknoord said...

Tough decision. It's difficult to write honestly when you have someone staring over your shoulder. That's why I have a disclaimer.

Chapati said...

Haha, changing the template certainly prompted me to emerge from my cover of google reader and actually go to your blog to take a look! I wonder how your hit counter changed for this post ;)

While I'm here I thought I'd say how much I love your blog - now that I have less time to read/write blogs its one of the very few I still read! Sorry for being one of those non-commenting lurkers..and if you do ever move please let me know where you go! (totally sympathise with that - heck, I closed my blog partly cos of that!!)


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