Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Noisy Bastards

Leaving a hostel room quietly in the morning is a simple yet delicate art. It requires just two basics: preparation and consideration. Unfortunately for me, last night's room mates were shit at it.

"We're leaving early tomorrow, I hope we don't wake you up!" said one of the girls, part of a trio who we'd just discovered not only came from the same London Borough as me, but lived about five minutes from my house.

"Oh, it's cool" I said, because after 5 months, I'm well used to being woken up at silly o'clock by dorm entries and exits. "Don't worry about it. I'll probably just go back to sleep."

(This was going on the assumption that, what with us all being British, we all understood 'It's cool, don't worry about it' as meaning 'Look, I'm not some grumpy German who's going to tut and strop the minute you start shuffling about at 6am, but don't take the piss, right?')

Alas, this morning my three new dorm friends, with an 8am bus to catch, woke up at half past 6. Well, I say they woke up. Their alarm went off, then they switched it off and went back to sleep. And by switched it off...I mean put it on snooze. Twice. Yeah, that's what I thought.

A bit of backpack zipping commenced when the girls finally got up. Door opened and shut. Then it went quiet for a bit. Have they left? No. Door opened and shut again. Door opened and shut once more. Then the rustling started. You'd have thought that anyone who insists on separating everything in their backpack into plastic bags might have the foresight to do so the night before. Not so. The sound of Australia's entire supply of plastic bags being folded, opened, squashed, packed, removed and (I suspect) used to spook imaginary killer horses outside the hostel, was amplified by the fact that it was still only 7am. It cut through my ears until I could hear nothing else. Nothing, that is, until the zipping, un-zipping and re-zipping of three backpacks joined in, and continued for the next half an hour.

Now, a bit of rustling and zipping is par for the course. Annoying, but usually short lived. Not this time. And to add insult to injury, the girls were considerate enough to whisper their conversations. Well, it was a bit like three deaf OAPs playing Chinese whispers, but the thought was there.

As the relentless noise continued into it's 45th minute, the "whispering" got increasingly louder, and the previously carefully shut door was now just allowed to slam, I felt myself losing it. As the door slammed again, I pulled the covers off my head and lent over the rail of my top bunk.

"F***ING HELL. You lot really weren't joking when you said you might wake me up, were you?"

Awkward silence has never felt so good.

"Sorry" came the reply from the meekest of the three, the one I'd had the longest conversation with the night before.

"I mean, SURELY you could have done all this the night before?"

And with that, I replaced the covers over my head and turned my back on the three most inconsiderate room mates I have encountered so far. The noise continued for another five minutes, and then, with a muffled 'Thank f*** for that' from yours truly, finally ceased altogether.

In hindsight, perhaps "Shut up, I know where you live" may have been a more effective silencer.

Seriously, who breeds these people?


Anonymous said...

If only we could have seen their faces when you came out with that.

Just for you I shall rustle my bags and pack loudly this evening ;) I am sure the dog will not complain at all.

Blue soup said...

I echo Perp's comment. You need to dust off your trusty sneaky cameraphone like the old days.

Were they new to travelling??

I bet they bitched about you all bus journey. I bet they are still bitching about you now.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Perp - Haha, fill your boots. I bet the dog will poo in your shoe or something while you're gone.

Blue - Hahaha, mate, that's exactly what I thought after they left. I could imagine them saying 'Yeah! What? She seemed so nice last night! We weren't even that noisy! What a bitch!' and it made me a little bit happy.

Elaine said...

I feel your pain. The night before last I was awake between the hours of midnight and 5am due to my son and his girlfriend opening and closing doors, huffing, puffing, moaning, oohing, ahhing and Godddding, followed by the boiler deciding to kick in and heat up a zillion gallons of water, followed by a twat of a bird going TWEETTWEETTWEET on the windowsill. Bloody inconsiderate if you ask me.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Elaine - Now, if those three girls had started shagging eachother and moaning about it, that would have been a whole other kettle of fish. And incestuous. Two of them were sisters. Brrr. Now get yourself to bed. You deserve a nap.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Are you sure they weren't Americans feigning a British accent? They sound like our lot. Oh, for a single room...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Fingers crossed...4 days until I get the luxury of my first private room since mid March.

Except I'll still be sharing it.

But thats cool. I'm sure the hotel will supply a sofa / fold out bed of some description.

daringpeach said...

Do you know, I think that fellow travellers are getting worse (or I am just getting more intolerent as I get older).

Apart from the two ukrainian girls I shared a couchette with on a 16 hour overnight train journey who talked and ate, rustling plastic bags, ALL NIGHT LONG (especially irritating as I had to give a presentation at a conference straight off the train), in Warsaw recently I had some Kiwis who just took the piss. Again, I was there for work and really, really needed to sleep. One of them came in at 5am, drunk, turned on all the lights, passed out and snored like a chainsaw- so far so usual. His friend however broke in (lost his key) at 7am, having got lost on the way back from the club, and proceeded to cry for an hour about how he had been mugged and Warsaw was the worst city he'd ever been to and mate, it was terrible...saying the same thing on repeat every 10 minutes. In the end I told him to shut the F**K up or I would do a lot worse than just mug him...

There should be a backpackers school or similar where you have to gain a license before being able to book into a dormitory: you know, 'If I snore I will do something about it and not look indignant if woken', 'if I am leaving at stupid o clock then I will pack the night before, and close my bag outside the room', 'I will not endlessly try to impress everyone else with tales of 'where I have been that you haven't' etc etc.

Are you in?

kyknoord said...

Ye gods! There are few things guaranteed to disturb your sleep than people trying to be quiet. It the sweet-wrapper-in-the-theatre syndrome writ large.

Anonymous said...

You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Insert a bar of soap into a sock then whilst the culprits are sleeping the next night, whack them with it.

Or, when you get home put a brick through their window. It's the only language they'll understand :D

Ellie said...

My Man says I'm a clomper. No matter how hard I try to be quiet in the morning when I have to get up before him, still he tells me later that I clomped.

I don't think it's true. At least I don't think I clomp any louder than he walks around in the morning. I'm just better natured. And a hard sleeper.

I do not zip and unzip plastic baggies nor do I open and shut open and shut doors.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

daring peach - I am most definitely in. Where do I sign?

kyknood - Exactamundo. There truly is nothing worse than plastic bags anywhere other than a shop.

Bah, internet time is running out.

Cynical, Ellie, I'll be back for you later.


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