Sunday, 11 April 2010

En-not-so-suite

In any normal situation, finding yourself in a room with en-suite bathroom facilities is a God send. There's the convenience factor, no late night dashes down corridors, no forgetting your key and being locked out of your room in just a towel. Ahem. But when you're hostelling, all that sort of changes.

Some hostels sell themselves - and charge more - on the basis that the rooms are en-suite. The word conjures up images of Hilton Hotel plushness; mini bottles of shampoo and conditioner to be hoarded for later use and fresh towels every morning. Ahh. En-suite. Just the word makes me feel all fluffy and warm.

The reality is somewhat different. Since I've been staying in mixed dorm rooms, the word 'en-suite' now sends me running for the hills. Firstly, being number seven in a queue of other people all waiting, spraying, soaping and queuing for the toilet / shower / sink tends to take the convenience out of, well, convenience. And then there's the more intimate details of such a setup.

Imagine you've got a fat Dutch man in your room with an accent straight out of Austin Powers ("datcsh a keeper"). He makes you feel a little bit queasy anyway, but then he gets up from his afternoon nap, dashes to the toilet and unleashes a torrent of cartoon-like farts and splashes in your adjoining en-suite.

Now try and stay in that room as he nonchalantly strolls out five minutes later. If you don't wish to imagine this, then just trust me when I say that it brings a whole other dimension to the word 'Dutch Oven'.

9 comments:

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Your accommodations have all the comfort of camping, or sleeping in a bus depot. Just imagine how sweet it's going to be when you finally get to sleep in a big, soft, quiet, comfortable bedroom.

I hate camping. Drinking a cup of coffee that's gone cold is as close as I ever get to roughing it.

Hails said...

Ewwwwww. That's put me right off my dinner.

pinkjellybaby said...

oh dear god! Shouldn't have read that!! *vom*

AFC 30K said...

blokes can't smell it - mike you I did used to build sewage works when I was a civil engineer so no problems with a stinky dutchman

Ellie said...

Sweet.

Ellie said...

Sweet.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Unbearable - 7 days and counting until a hotel room is mine for 2 days.

Hails - imagine what it did for me :D

PJB - Welcome to my world!

AFC - Oh lord, I feel for you.

Ellie - Arf arf.

;)

theperpetualspiral said...

Eugh, eugh and eugh.

This is why I can never stay anywhere where I do not have my own ensuite bathroom.

AFC 30K said...

Nah - you got used to it. When I first got there I nearly vomited bit a year later when a new lad started he turned up and was sick and I said "what smell?"

 

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