Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Beached

I arrived back in Perth on Monday after an altogether successful stay in the hostel. You know, minus the copulating Koreans.

In fact, I'd coerced enough people into talking to me over the weekend that on Sunday I was part of a group trip to the nearest beach. A convoy of us set off, including me in a huge Toyota 4x4 borrowed from the family I'm staying with, looking utterly pea-like and ridiculous behind the wheel.

Mention you're off to Australia and everyone goes nuts about the fact you'll be spending the whole time on a beach. I have to admit, the beaches here - particularly on the west coast - are nothing short of stunning. It's the vast expanses of white sand tickling the edges of topaz blue water, and the way the water can be calm and barely moving in one spot...



Then a few miles up the coast, that same water will be a surfer's sexytime...



The two things these places have in common? Firstly, there's no one on either of them; they are deserted. Secondly? Well, I can appreciate a good beach. Look at them both, they're amazing. But you don't go near these ones without factor 30 sunscreen. And sunscreen means lotion. Lotion is sticky. Sand loves sticky lotion. Plus it was windy, so you still can't tell if you're getting burned or not.

The wind caused another problem: the minute I left the house on Thursday, I knew I'd forgotten a couple of beach essentials. Razors and my hairbrush. I was doing alright until Sunday when I discovered the 'sexy beach hair' look promoted by all women's magazines was actually a massive lie, probably invented when Worzel Gummage was editor of Vogue. Bright white skin, covered, COVERED in sand, with stubbly legs and a head of matted hair? Believe me. I didn't look sexy.



I looked like the bloody Samiad.

10 comments:

pinkjellybaby said...

I bet you looked ok! Only weird people look super hot on the beach anyway. Sand and hotness just don't go together!

Al said...

I <3 the beaches here they are beautiful- but the sand and the wind and the stickage... not fun! Sand everywhere for weeks!!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

PJB - I looked like a hobo. Then I had to go to this really posh house with the family I'm staying with, and my hair hadn't been brushed for 3 whole days. Yowza.

Al - Tell me about it. Plus I got it alllll in my earphones. Sand is hellish.

roseski said...

The Samiad!! From the PROPER Five Children and It - not the useless new version of it Hollywood threw out a few years ago!

not twitter said...

Well, if you're going to go a la Wookie a deserted beach is the best sort to go to.

Grump said...

Didn't you know Australia is one long beach with a mine in the middle.
Head south as the summer progresses, or maybe you want to see the top end in flood. That could be good fun.
Woof x

jo said...

haha! aww hun, i'm sure you didn't look THAT bad :P and you didn't mention the flies!

Nat said...

As much as your hair was matted and your body covered in sand you still had a ball yeah! Are you making your way to melbourne at all?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

roseski - Hollywood can't do Samiad like E. Nesbitt and the BBC can, and that's a FACT.

not twitter - My thoughts exactly. I fit right in.

Grump - I'm heading north, then south. I don't fancy the wet season much!

jo - Oh god, the flies. That first beach photo, the flies were sooo bad. They followed me the whole way down the beach and it drove me MAD. Tranquility my arse.

Nat - Yep, I'll be making my way over to Melbourne in the next month or so.

Ellie said...

That little guy is HOTT

 

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