Tuesday, 5 May 2009

HRH Hunchback

With my shoulder giving me jip - once again on a bank holiday weekend (my body has impeccable timing), this time there was no superman on hand to sort it out.

So today, after a weekend of extremely uncomfortable, broken nights sleep and shooting pains down my left side, I hopped on the tube to Moorgate to see my mum's physio. After five minutes with my deformed shoulders, the physio (lovely as she was) said the words that every image conscious girl longs to hear:

"Have you ever noticed that one of your shoulders is higher up than the other?"

Why no, no I haven't. Turns out I've been on a fast track course to Notre Dame Bell ringing school, thanks to my posture and my left hand side's caring nature. Apparently, my left side feels the need to overcompensate for my right. Ahh, bless. What a crippling gem.

Luckily for me, there's a solution.

NURSE! GET ME THE TAPE!



Yeah that's right. I'm taped into place, next stop, Britain's Next Top Model.

Just put all sympathy donations in the bucket, and no prodding me on the tube.

13 comments:

Scarlett Parrish said...

You're very thin and have nice hair.

No more compliments, or you'll think I'm a lesbo stalker. :D

Blue soup said...

After seconding what Scarlett has to say...

Alright Quasi? :P

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Scarlett - I made extra effort with the hair today in order to detract from the MUSCLE BINDING TAPE. waaaaaaaaah

blue - Thats what my dad said when I got in "what shall we call you now then, quasimodo?" to which I replied, call me what you like - you're paying :D

ihop said...

Looks to me like that tape is just covering a really dodgy tattoo that seemed like a great idea when you were steaming the night before...

If not, save up your pennies - you'll need about 3000 of them - and go and see a chiropractor. You can then have shoulders in equilibrium.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

That's pretty. Can you find matching shoes and a bag?

Brennig said...

Cure: Shiatsu. It's the only muscular treatment I've found that makes the body heal itself.

Ellie said...

There hasn't been a charismatic hunchback around in ages. You'll represent!

theperpetualspiral said...

Nice carpet :p

Robbie said...

Not to sound mean but thats genius, being held together with tape.
Is the tape really to help with keeping you together or is it just so people stare and say "look she has selotape on her shoulder" and not "Is she walking lob-sided or is it me?"
Perhaps you will start to spot other tape wearers on the tube and have a new spot "what have you come taped as?"

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

iHop - Chiropractors are scary. They make body parts click in a wholly unnatural way.

Unbearable - I bloody hope so. This look is doing nothing for my fashion sense.

Brenig - Shiatsu. Is that like yoga? Does it require flexibility and stretching?

Ellie - I'll be the Jay Z of Hunchbacks. Word to your mother! Representing Notre Dame!

Perps - Leave my blue carpet alone. It hides a multitude of make up spillage and red wine sins.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Robbie - I think it's so that people point, stare, and mock my limping gait. And brilliant idea with the WHUCTA. I'm all about evolution..

Grump said...

Dodgy shoulder, I have a dicky knee. You can hunch and I'll limp, between the two of us we could be the notre dame.
Grump x

Brennig said...

Shiatsu works on a similar principle to acupuncture but without the needles. Your body is manipulated and gentle pressure is applied to the affected areas that stimulates your body to heal itself.

 

Blog Template by YummyLolly.com - RSS icons by ComingUpForAir