Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Errrrrrrrrrr this post is about LADY THINGS, right

I'm not imagining things, I swear on the muffin man's life...whenever I go to the supermarket to buy certain lady things it is garanteed, 100%, no quibble dibble that I will see someone I know. FACT.

This wouldn't be so bad if I was doing like a huge mahoosive weekly shop or something, but as luck would have it, usually when it's that time, it means I'm popping into the supermarket for one thing and one thing only. Just lady bits and perhaps small, edible supplies of healthy and not so healthy snacks to get me through the week.

And I definitely should not be embarrassed. It's not like I can help it. It's not like I have a choice about this particular bit of being a laydeeee. It's not like I told the marketing department at Tampax to make theirs the brightest sodding box on the shelf. Why can't they just make it a nice, inconspicuous dark grey colour? Why pink, yellow and blue?

I remember the day after a party once, I popped into Tescos to grab some essentials and was doing the whole stealthing it up the bubble bath aisle thing, trying to work out which box I need to hone in on from a distance so I didn't have to stand there right in front of it all for ages trying to decipher super from mini. Anyway I got the bits in the basket and turned to make a run for the check out, turned around and standing there is Hotty and his Hotty McTrotty mate from the party the night before gearing up for a chat.

Immediately I shove the basket behind my back and smile all nice and we talk about the party, then conversation starts wearing a bit thin and I can see their eyes drifting towards my basket, and one of them asks "Getting anything good?" or something like that. I'm not even joking when I say I've never seen two blokes look so horrified as they clocked the contents of my shopping. Hasty departures were made.

Then the other day I was doing the same thing, managed to avoid seeing anyone I knew, got some pizza (always good for laying across the top of the basket) and trundled to the self service check out...then I hear this "Jo! Helllooo, Jo!" from the machine next to me. Oh for gods...So I'm standing there trying to chat to an old friend, whilst simutaneously trying to scan my own Tampax boxes (2 for 1), and the machine's yelling "UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA" and refusing to co-operate...then a Tesco's woman is coming over to help and I'm all "Oh dear these pesky machines, aye!" and hoping to god she doesn't have to repack my lady bits in front of the queue that has now formed behind me.

And don't try saying you don't notice what people in front of you at the supermarket are buying. I knew that lady bits, plus chocolate, crisps, dip, pizza and token grapes and apples were screaming HORMONAL WOMAN EURRGHH to everyone that day. Plus once, there was a lady infront of me buying Tena Lady incontinence nappies and I told everyone about it later on. Judge thee by my own standards, indeed I do.

Male readers, you may return. The female stuff is over.

16 comments:

blueskies2day said...

It's worse when you go to Superdrug with your dad. After a very short time you wonder where he is - he has disappeared - and a little bit of meer-catting (you know, standing on tip-toes and looking over the tops of the shelves) later, you see him at the checkout. So, you wander over to try and slip and Kinder Egg into his shopping, and LO! AND bEHOLD! your father is buying a lifetime supply of condoms. Ye gads.

blueskies2day said...

PS. I like your new banner. It's verry nice. I read it all.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

blueskies - You're right. That is much, much worse. Infact, that is possibly the most disturbing thing I've heard all day. Glad you like the new banner thingie, I fancied a change. It kind of saves having to read the rest of the blog, doesn't it? I think I have it all covered up there.

Elaine said...

When my son was about eight, he thought it would be hilarious to run through the aisles in Boots screaming TAMPAX! TAMPAX! at the top of his voice. I was not impressed.

theperpetualspiral said...

Can we menfolk come back into your blog now?

pink jellybaby said...

I had a worse time in the Spanish pharmacy the other day.... way worse, trying to buy something way worse and getting even more horrible looks off the pharmacy lady when you manage to describe what you want in shit Spanish.

Agent Elle said...

ROFL! I wrote a post quite like this a while ago at my old blog and thoguht I was the only one who tried to 'hide' my 'lady things'. Mainly because many men seem to have this vision of females on their periods being all angry and destructive - and you just KNOW they're judging you when they're checking out that Tesco basket.

rosiewishes. said...

Try buying lady things when you're surrounded by hot men friends in army uniforms...
Many a time did I forget to stock up before going away on an army weekend. The only option was to hop off the transport at the Tesco at the service station on the way there. Not good.

weenie said...

Lady things in your shopping basket indicate that you are still menstruating, hence still fertile, hence still young. Perhaps such monthly trials should be embraced and flaunted to young hot men in the vicinity!

Ok, I'll shut up!

Tabby said...

Its funny but I don't get embarressed about buying lady things. Or condoms. Thats not to say i'd run around the shop waving them around my head, but i don't object to purchasing life's neccessities... Although if i'm doing a mad dash to the shop for such things the its liekly i'll not be looking my best, weekend hair and no make up, then i would be embarressed to bump into folk i know!

Ella said...

It is really silly but I get embarrassed too, even for the check-out guy. So much so that if I'm served by a man I go waaaaay over the top acting like I'm not embarrassed!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Oh I long ago stopped being embarrassed by such things. My boys are not discreet! They run up to me and yell at the tops of their voices "do you need stick-ups or stick-ons or both?"brandishing boxes of liletts and packets of hideous nappy-sized super last-all-week towels.

CatsPuke said...

Maybe you could get a Mooncup, then you could keep it at home??

Google it.

CP x

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

Well after me recent `you know what' I'm shopping for packs (& packs) of sanitary towels right now. Tampax is not allowed, so it's big bulky towels for moi. And, as I'm getting through more than one would normally do (following my recent `you know what'), I'm buying them in bulk. And I couldnt give a monkey's wotsit who sees me.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Elaine - Oh yeah, that's just what you want. When I have kids, they're going to be gagged upon leaving the house so as not to embarrass me by pointing out tampax or fat people. or fat people with tampax.

perpetual - don't be shy, get involved! ;)

Pjb - Oh god, I feel for you having to do that. It's not fun at all. There's no international sign language for some things.

Agent Elle - EXACTLY. I know what people are thinking. And hell yeah I care!

rosie - Yeah, i bet they don't teach them how to react to lady things in the army.

weenie - Now that's a very positive way of looking at things. You're right. They should love it that I'm on my period.

Tabby - I find that looking a mess is synonymous with buying those kind of goods...

ella - Haha, yeah I'm the same, hense attempting the 'self checkout' thing. It messed up though, as usual.

Reluctant - hahaha, I love that...stick up or stick on. Thats my new favourite way of describing them. Gotta love the way I take my cues from the younger generation...

catspuke - I think I've heard of those things. They could do an advert on tv like 'Moon pig'..."Where can you get something that will amaze your friends and family? MOOOON CUP.COM"

m.o.t - Ohhh bless you. Is everything ok? I feel for you and your tampax ban :( Pads are the devil.

Grump said...

When my partner is using her pads, there is a piece of paper that comes with each pad. It has about 10 items of trivia on, The longest river, number of times a toad fornicates in a night, how many times your veins go around the world, that sort of thing. So we all get treated to these pieces of trivia, for a whole week, once a month. I think she looks forward to buying her new pack of IQ pads.
P.S. I never look or comment. On what is in the basket in front of me. Buying condoms always has an element of concern. Blush.
Woofx

 

Blog Template by YummyLolly.com - RSS icons by ComingUpForAir