Friday, 10 October 2008

Give my instinct a medal

Thanks for the comments on my last post. In hindsight my responses to them were a bit hasty, in that I implied that although I had the feeling that something was up, I felt semi-assured that the problem wasn't me.

After a very long, emotional conversation at the boyfriend's house last night, it turns out that, well, I was right...it kind of is me...or, us. At least he thinks it is...he's not sure. We need a 2 week break from communication to decide. (Usually me being this right about something is cause for celebration, this time: not so much).

I've never really delved into my relationship on my blog in the past, and I'm not about to start now for the reasons I've always had; that I never wanted him to read something second hand about how I'm feeling, I'd much rather tell him first. For the past 2 and a half years he's been my first port of call for any sort of upset, the first person I call at the end of the day (sometimes the start - everyone loves a wake up call), so I will no doubt be feeling a bit lost now that option has, temporarily, gone. I'm determined to keep busy, keep positive and override this feeling of utter nausea that washes over me whenever I think about the whole situation, however as anyone who has felt this way before knows, that's easier said than done.

>Last night he asked me if I was going to blog about it and I said I didn't know - but knowing there are so many people out there who can offer advice the way I've done for them in the past, and with the comments I got the other day, I feel like you deserve to know why I'm not feeling myself. I'm open to advice, or just an amusing email, or sod it, I was thinking I might set up a national campaign in my name ("Save the Jo from Dumpage" has a nice ring to it. It might take off. Badge, anyone?), so, you know, get stuck in.

Anyway, yeah. My contact lenses are fogging up now (bet you never thought they could do that) so I'm going to leave it there.

Bah. This feels really rubbish.

20 comments:

Papercuts said...

Oh bugger.

Sorry I can't come up with anything more constructive.

I know people who could have him kneecapped, if that helps?

Reluctant Blogger said...

Shit!

Yes, I've been there. I suppose the only advice I would give is to take the space and try to actually treat it as space - not focus on the end of the time and how you will react etc. Do you know what I mean? When Tracy and I did that - I think I failed to just live that time, I just kept thinking about when we would speak again, what i would say, how it would be and yet I wonder if I had actually detached myself from it all for that time things might have gone differently? Maybe?

But I know how hard that is to do. Maybe it is not possible.

But I suspect you know in your heart how this will end. I don't - but I bet you do. I think I always knew - just kept clinging on and hoping. But for you it may not be that - you may just need this break.

Oh I dunno. I'm talking rubbish I think. I kind of have a sense of what I want to say but it's not coming out - my words are constipated!!

But big hugs xxxx

Elaine said...

Bugger indeed, papercuts.

Treat it as space, reluctant blogger? Yes, I agree.

Jo...what will be will be. You'll either be together or you won't. And no amount of worry, tears, stress, thinking, smashing things to bits will change that. So just BREATHE. I know it probably feels like trying to walk with one leg, but you can do it. At the end of your fortnight you'll either get your leg back or you won't. But in the meantime....

See what you can do with one leg, eh? x

Rol said...

Not sure there's anything I can add beyond 'hope you work it out', but I agree with your policy on not going into detail about matters like this on your blog.

surviving myself said...

Maybe I should send you a hilarious someecard? Yes, I think I will.

I hope you're doing okay.

James Ink said...

Oh Noes!

That sucks big time...

Congratulations for still making me laugh... with the 'Save the Jo from Dumpage' idea... very funny.

I guess these things are just meant to happen. The only advice I can really give is to ride it out and see what happens. Try not to think about it too much, and do your best to take each day as it comes. The situation will resolve itself one way or another, irrespective of how much time you spend thinking about it.

I never actually said it on my blog, but one of the big reasons I stopped blogging was because I was going through a real tough time. I got bored of pretending that things were different. So I'm just kind of saying I know life can suddenly feel very pants!

And it a terrible attempt to make you laugh:

Where do you weigh a Whale?

In a Whale-weigh station... bum bum tush


p.s. fingers crossed it all works out swimmingly and there will be no need for those 'save the Jo...' badges

Rachel said...

Sorry your instinct was proved correct :(

There is nothing worse than being in this situation with your other half, and like you say we have all been there.

I hope you get the right outcome I really do.

But cling on to the cliche that it does get easier!

Robbie said...

Sorry to hear about this Jo.

But I agree with you on the campaign for "Save the Jo from Dumpage," I'll set up the facebook group.

Hope you can work out your troubles.

ps I blame Friends for this whole "take a break," thing. What happened to people talking about their feelings?

blueskies2day said...

This is where you buy lots of chocolate and watch films with your female friends, while crying and spreading melted chocolate all over your face.

On the other hand, you could behave with dignity and not in the stereotypical fashion by... re-reading Bridget Jones while no one's looking.

I'm thinking of you and I hope everything turns out OK. If you want an impartial and disconnected ear, I'm blueskies2day at hotmale dot comalom.

pawpads said...

Dude!

weenie said...

Sorry to hear this. I hope you can work something out.

pinkjellybaby said...

I'm sorry that your instincts were right too.

I know you're feeling lost, and like maybe you could have done something better or different or that maybe it was you who wasn't good enough. All I will say is that I have most definitely been there, and it's nothing you've done and it's not your issue, it's his. Give him space if he needs it but do not let him walk all over you. As much as you love him and want it to work out, it will only work if both of you want it to. It will not work if it's just you giving all your heart into making it work and trying to change.

At the end of it all, as much as you love someone, sometimes the best you can do is walk away and save yourself even more heartache. I did and now I'm glad I did. I hope it doesn't come to that for you but if it does, you're strong enough to get through anything xx

Clarissa said...

Hugs and good thoughts going your way. No advice because I think you're smart and anything I'd say, you would already know. I think I remember that I live in his neighbourhood, so if you want me to go intimidate him, I can get the dog on the leash and go looking! Again, hugs.

Mjohnson said...

Oh dear. Do you need advice: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant.


cheering up: http://www.videosift.com/video/Take-on-Me-Literal-Video-Version,

or a wistfull sad little animation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3dUgPvkYnw

Or all of the above. (Perhaps what I'm trying to say. Try and do something to take your mind off it.

Hannah said...

Bah. Who knew it could suck so much to be right? The situation sucks. As everyone else has said, the only way to get through it is one step at a time. Lean on anyone else you have to. Your virtual friends are but an email away, with inboxes full of amusing jokes to tide you over!x

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

Crap. Sorry to hear this Jo. I dont really feel in a position to offer any advice as dont know the circumstances of your `break' (quite rightly). But just wanted to say `thinking of you' (without hopefully sounding either too trite or cheesy) x

Time traveller said...

Oh poo :( I know it seems impossibe to do, but keep yourself busy. Go to the gym, go for a sauna, have a manicure, ring the girls for a drink, whatever, just keep yourself busy. x

AFC 30K said...

I'm sorry that things have hit a rocky patch - Wifey and I have been through a few and it's much harder to break up when you share a house, car payments and a child....

Having said all that we've been together for 11 years this month and, honestly, people do sometimes just need time to themselves.

Again my thoughts are with you and I hope that things turn out the way you want them to.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I can't thank all of you enough for these comments. Plus the offers of knee capping and dog hunting (unfortunately Clarissa, he rather likes dogs. He'd charm the fur off even a doberman I expect)

I've read what you've all got to say, taken on the advise and it's working. So thanks all. It's nice to know you're all out there.

theperpetualspiral said...

Oh no, I'm sorry. Maybe relationships should be renamed relationshits for the trouble they sometimes cause.

I hope you've kept yourself busy doing stuff x

 

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