Thursday, 18 September 2008

Why, London, why?

London's got this big old reputation as being some fast paced city where everything moves at 100mph.
So why can't it bloody hurry up in the morning?
What's with waiting for a bus that's 20 minutes late, only for two to come along within seconds of each other? Yes, I'm looking at YOU, C3 to Kensington Tescos this morning. Then of course because it's so late, there are near on 20 people at every stop waiting to get on. Do the drivers co ordinate themselves so that one goes ahead dropping off while the other drops back and picks up? Of course not, they just trundle on together in a big, inefficient, red double-decker relay through London.  
Then I get to Earls Court station and I just think why can't people just walk in a straight line? Why do they have to weave in and out, and then stop, cut in front and then change their mind about what ticket gate they're going to go through? Why don't they check their Oyster card for cash before they try and go through the gates? Why are tourists allowed on the train between 8-9:30am? Why is it more expensive for the daily commuters at this time? Why can't you buy 5 day travel cards?
At Leicester Square, Northern line platform: Why do people insist on crowding down at the far ends of the train, when the whole point of being at the far end of the platform is because the carriage is meant to be less crowded? (it never is, because everyone else has the same idea).  So if there are already 15 people waiting at the end of the platform, why not think to yourself 'Well, there are already a lot of people standing there, I'll move futher up to where there's less so that this lot, who have been waiting longer, have a chance of getting on' so that you don't get trains that are absolutely jam packed at either end, and near empty in the middle?
And OH - cut a clich√© why don't you Jo, but why can't people wait for everyone to get off before getting on? So simple! And if it's packed, and there's another train in 1 minute, why do people insist on crowding onto the first one that comes and making window stickers of themselves? Moreover, why did those stupid women on the tube yesterday insist on blocking everyone's route off the train because they were too busy trying to bag a newly emptied seat? This just in Londoners! When you practically run for a seat on the morning tube, pushing past people as you go, you tend to look like an absolute tit. Especially when everyone gets off at the next stop anyway.
And, on a separate but equally annoying note regarding speed and common sense: who is the bloke at a sports club in Wandsworth who puts on his gay little web-handed gloves and go-faster swimming cap, stretches like he's bloody Duncan Goodhew, then hops in the slow lane to swim at full speed front crawl before getting annoyed about the slow swimmers holding him up? It's a slow lane. Don't try and overtake, see someone coming the other way then slam your hands onto the water in frustration when you can't. Duck under the rope and join the other people who measure their swimming capabilities by the amount of water on the poolside when they're finished. Splash-alot-magoo.
That'll do for now.


Robbie said...

My commute to work is as follows
Alarm goes off; hit the shower; get dressed; walk to dining table; switch on laptop; start working.
(Obviously I'm sometimes slowed down by emptying Google Reader or whether I should have jam on toast with my cup of tea, so things also get in my a sense. :\ grrrr)

Robbie said...

Also I'd just like to say, for newly employed you've fitted in quite quickly with the commute ranting....I'm expecting in about a week or two you'll start blogging about someone specific who takes the same journey as you.

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

I ended up getting held up by some bloke at the ticket gates coming home last night. Reason : he'd slammed his hand on to the top of the Oyster Card reader, instead of his Oyster Card. Beat that.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You can complain about transport all you want. It could be worse. At least you’re in London, which is one of the epicenters of civilization. You could be catching the morning bus in, say, Omaha, which is nowhere.

rosiewishes. said...

Is it really really wrong that I'm looking forward to all of this..? I wish this year would fly by so I can get myself to London and leave my house/tiny flat with the intention of getting squished on the tube.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off almost automatically but for now; I'm jealous.

surviving myself said...

He had webbed gloves??? Wow. You should have punched him.

Anonymous said...

I had a terrible commute this morning. I tripped over the cat on the landing and then tripped over the dog in the kitchen.

Still I managed to then make it upstairs to my office in relative safety!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

robbie - Ok, jealous. You can stop now. And oh this isn't the result of 2 weeks commuting, this is 8 years of pre-9:30 underground journeys all balled up into one rant!

m-o-t - What an idiot. Ha. Plum.

unbearable - yep, or somewhere with no train at all. infinitely worse.

rosie - give it a week. Tops.

suriving - he was bigger than me.

perpetual - you and robbie are both making me jealous! BAH!

The IT Girl said...

Oh, but London is so fantastic!

Well, I lie - I've never spent more than a day there although I really want to.

I live in a city and transport here annoys the f*ck out of me. I've never had the pleasure of being squished on the Tube though :(

And yes, I'm actually jealous.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Noooo Elle, noooo.....I urge you to come to London and try it for like a week. No! 2 days. Then see how fun it is :(


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