Monday, 9 June 2008

I have a scrapbook...

...yes, as well as a diary and a blog! Is it fair to say I should really be hunting down a career in record keeping? I do miss having a record of the early years though, baby style. My parents didn't really do the whole baby book thing, just taking pictures of me and "the first boy Jo slept with" aka me and their mate's son lying side by side on a mat aged 18 months. And yes, speech marks because they did utter that little gem to my boyfriend upon first meeting him, 10 points for adhering to cliche. How cool would it be to have a diary of everything from aged 1? 5/5/85 Today mum tried feeding me some green shiz so I threw up down her back. Good times.

At this point I need to introduce you to my first (proper, meet the parents) boyfriend, Tom. I met Tom on a UK Garage (as in music, like house, no DIY) message board aged 16. He was 18. We chatted online, then we chatted on the phone (a lot) and pretended that just because we said "cat" at the same time that we were soul mates. Or something. But Tom had only just broken up with his girlfriend of 5 years, thus, ladies and gents, he was in (altogether nowww) rebound territory. When we finally met up having all but declared our undying love (which he did, by the way, over the phone later that night whilst high on Ecstasy back at his house..."I ain't just sayin this coz ahm monged, but ah fink ah lav yowwww"), we got on famously. We continued to do so for around 4 weeks until all went suspiciously quiet, as he whipped out and began to recite from Things to Say When Dumping Someone, Chapter One: Reel off the following lines to Dumpee. Except Tommy boy had bought the E-book version: Correcto, I was dumped by e-mail.

Cue many tears, a badly timed case of acne with associated self-loathing and an unhealthy amount of time spent trying to conduct a friendship over MSN with all that someone turning their status to 'busy' every time you sign on implies...et voila...we have the teenager's response to break up: pen to paper, in (ironically) an A-level psychology lesson on "Biological explanations of altruism in animals". What would Freud say indeed.


For clarification, the girl top left is reading a book entitled "This book is really dry" and the funny mouthed bloke on the right just above the growling dog is saying "You'd do really well in a gurning contest, mate".

Hall hath no fury like a bored teenage girl in a classroom.

11 comments:

Clarissa said...

It would be ace to know what Tom is doing now! Facebook? (kidding).

pinkjellybaby said...

Hilarious! I never had anything like that, but my best frisnd (at the time) and i would write notes and draw funny cartoons about other people.... I wish i could get hold of them!

James said...

You're are quite the artist. Interesting story that one... I didn't think you would be the type for relationships born from UK garage message boards.

More stories from Jo's past please.

theperpetualspiral said...

I initially thought that you were talking about actual garages, then the penny dropped.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

clarissa - Ooh god no. All ties were cut years ago! No doubt he's still making horrendous sounding music, though.

pjb - Ahh those things are always worth keeping. I'm terrible at hanging onto stuff like that - as in, I keep everything.

james - I have a wealth of strange experiences to share from my teenage years, don't you worry.

perpetual - Blimey, that would make for an interesting conversation wouldn't it? "Whats your favourite type of garage"

surviving myself said...

Oh he's totally gonna have thay stache - if he doesn't already.

You nailed it.

surviving myself said...

"that" stache. I is dumb.

Robbie said...

The pen is truely mightier then the MSN.
There is no way anyone could get out that kind of rage on MSPaint. It just wouldn't work

London-Lass said...

I love the dog growling in the corner. More uploaded scrapbook pics I say!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

surviving - I truly hope so.

robbie - I agree. You need pen rage to express those gurning facial features.

londonlass - I intend on digging around to find some more scrappy goodness...fear not!

blueskies2day said...

When I was young (presumably just after Titanic came out and hopefully before my eyes and brain had fully developed) I had a Leonardo DiCaprio Scrap Book. I wonder if I still have it at my parents' house...

I got dumped by email once too. Better than text, I guess!

 

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